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I think its close to end


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He wrote he respected my wish, right after in next sentence he asked me if I would live with him without kids. So he say he respect my wish then asking me go on with his wish. That is manipulation once again. I wish he would respect my wish plus stay with me but doesnt seem like that will happen. Anyway thats not my fault as he was the deal breaker.

I wrote I want a kid one day and that I was serious too about "my" wish and that that was my answer. I also have phone again and txt him the same and added I wont change my mind. He hasnt answered in two hours. I dont know what I feel about how this will end.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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Hi sadgreeneyes

Hun, I dont mean to be harsh, but didnt he already tell you everything you needed to know when he divorced you.

It sounds to me like he does not respect you - never has - probably never will :) :)

Is he just using you for a place to live ???

I know you want children and a family one day. Wouldnt it be better to have a family that shows love and respect, with a partner that loves and respects you ?

please take care

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Hi Sue,

yes I know you are right it would be better, its just that I really loved him. If this didnt hurt me I would have been gone long time ago. My emotions stands in the way for my freedom. Its hard to lose him. When you say "didnt he really say everything when he divorced you" you are saying exactly what I was thinking in the kitchen just half hour ago, I started to cry but did go back to what I know myself too...just like you say...he did indeed divorce me with no empathy...he didnt have any use for me then...so I shouldnt cry...shouldnt fool myself into feeling sorry for him or be weak. You are right and I know it...that when he could divorce so cold I must not be weak again and let him have his way. He doesnt respect me, its just words with him, his promises to me were written on the wind. He wrote in that same email that he´s not fooling me as I wrote I felt betrayed. Fact is I am betrayed.

He can use me for visa, this is my worries. And if he use me for visa its no wonder why he doesnt want kids, he may not want it because he has no intention being my husband. As I must remember he has stated he´s afraid he´ll leave me here. That is about to say he´ll leave me. Why would he say that?? its only two reasons, to hurt me or that he meant it. He say he didnt mean it and didnt mean to hurt me but I cannot trust him anymore in anything.

I know he doesnt answer because he wants to try manipulate me more. But I wont change my mind. It would be easy if I didnt have any feelings, then I could just say its over and go on. I dont think he will continue life with me having kids and respect my wish. So he probably will leave me. This is the only weapon I am able to have now unfortunately:(

I am just waiting for the pain that will come he´ll leave. I know I wont live a life with someone who doesnt want a kid with me. Specially when he may be out for visa only. Dont take the risk.


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I am so proud that you did it. I can't promise you that you won't have lonely nights and fleeting thoughts where you may just want to back out of the whole deal, but keep going. It gets easier and easier with every step you take. Have you thought about joining a women's support group outside of this for some face-to-face comfort as well, or just to keep you headed in the right direction? You will eventually look back and think, "What the h*ll was I thinking?"

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Thanks Loneone,

its difficult, he still doesnt respect what I have said, he still write email "he wants me, but that I should think about it as its so important to know as he really doesnt want kids." Where is my voice? did he hear me at all??

He knows how much I hate hearing him say these words, I told him three days ago how much resentment it brings back to me and still he goes on.

Why should I do what he wants?, he said he wanted kids too and we talked about names, he even said kids brings joy and then he broke our agreement when he heard I couldnt bring him here and started abusing me. And what was his point with this when he divorced anyway. He divorced even he knew I could fix the money. I start to wonder if this was part of his "psychopathic process", when the sociopath "work you". He fits very well of what I read about sociopaths, it even says "I DO" deal with a sociopath if he behave the way I read, which he has for two months! Its him who do me wrong, not me.

He shouldnt lie to me before marriage. He even divorced me ice cold. No empathy. No, no, no I cant let him change my mind. I had the thought in my head, should I change,but I cant. I must stay strong on this.

I have been on a support group for long, but childhood abuse runs too deep that I need therapy. I have met many bad lousy men, but this is the first man who I attached to emotionally and loved and that really is "I would say sociopath as he fits much of the reading about them". So this is very hard for me:(

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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