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My Problem


Leo1954
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The reason I'm having to take care of my mom is that there is nobody else! I had to write that on my blog because I have had to live my whole life in a LIE. Pretending that I had an ok childhood yes I did when I was by myself because of the horrific things that did happen I am now very bitter. I don't mind taking care of my daughter because she is the apple of my eye and I would give my life up to make her not suffer anymore with the physical pain she endures everday.

My mom is now who I'm very angry with I remember how she knew what was happening to me but, either didn't want to know or just didn't give a damn. Which I now know it was the latter. It's you are suppose to respect your parents which I don't have. My father really I didn't care. When he died in 2009 it didn't phase me. Didn't grieve at all and still haven't & won't. At first when my mom got ill really until about 2 months ago I was devastated now why I don't even go see her that much I call but when they say you coming up I say next wk. They look down upon people who do this because I have heard them say alot of people put there parents in nursing homes & leave them. Well they also don't know how the people who have done this. Which I mean who are they to judge? I can't say anymore how I feel I think I still love her because she's my mom but, hell I don't even know how to say or think about it myself been trying to sort out my feelings about this for about 2 weeks. That is also why I'm not on here saying much anymore. Some I have but!!!!!

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Maybe things have changed and now you don't have to pretend you had a good childhood anymore. You seem to give other peoples opinions too much weight in this, when they indeed see mostly just one side of the coin. I hope you can sort out your feelings for your mother and then decide how much you want to take care of her. Try not to worry so much about what you should or shouldn't do.

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Hi Leo,

I'm sorry you feel that you have lived your whole life in a lie. :o

Its not easy, even in the best of relationships to care for a loved one. Its extremely emotionally exhausting, and physically draining. It can be non stop.

I cant imagine how difficult it must be to care for your mum, all the while asking yourself why, when she never cared for you when you were growing up. Having to deal with this plus look after your daughter.

No wonder you feel like just running away and not coming back - it is way too much for just one person to cope with :( :(

Please keep talking here, if it is helping you

We are listening and only want to try and help if we can. :o

Take care

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Leo,

I can relate .. not close at all to the "parents" who raised me. I do not even really like to consider them as "my parents" They are not or were never really my parents , foster parents, yes. It's difficult. They are not ill . And often I wonder just how much Ireally do owe them? Their was abuse, always that, from biolgical parents to them.. Never could really tell. things are better now that i am older and away, and as a parent myself. Still their are resentful feelings. Probably always will be. BUt try not to show it, I just stay away . And try not to let it bother me no matter what anybody else may think. My biological father is dead, and had to take care of all the arrangements myself. That was very complicated and difficult, I never had to deal with death like that. Now that i have , do not want to repeat it. Had to deal with it because my younger brother could not. It fell upon me. Terrible experience. Anyway, family issues have never been easy. I do have my one and only son now, and yes he is disabled too. Wish things were not so complicated. Wish things were easier to deal with. I do not understand why things are so hard, but that is the reality. Hardly seems fair.

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Thank you SweetSue for helping me know that somebody was listening & caring about how I was feeling.

mscat I know you know how I feel especially with you also having a disabled child I have had to deal with death for many years my daughter has died multiple times and of course came back. Had 2 brothers die one in a horrific car crash when I was young And my oldest brother died in the Vietnam war. I also have been around death from working in the medical profession. I know it's not the same when it is a loved one but, I have made myself become numb now to just say what will be will be. I hope I go first rite now before anybody at this time.

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Guest ASchwartz

Leo,

I am pleased that you now understand that you do not have to live a lie. I know all about that because its similar to what I went through when I was younger (68 now). Trust me, you need not feel guilty, not at all. Yes, I understand it: you love your mother because she's your mother, but.......!!!

I can fill in those dots myself.

I hope you return to sticking with us more frequently. You have lots and lots of support from very caring people. Please don't deprive yourself of that.

I am saying this really warmly.

Allan

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