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ED/social anxiety need advice


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I have a history of anorexia, went through an EDNOS phase, now bulimic and fighting my way back to a semi normal life with moving out to my own place for the first time, starting a new job and trying to find a way out of my depression now the antidepressants have started to help a little.

However, this week I have met a brand new challenge and I don't have the resources to know what to do about it on my own anymore and need some advice. At the pool/gym I go to every morning (i have problems with excessive exercise) there's a guy who started coming about 4 months ago. He used to be morbidly obese, now exercises for about 4 hours a day and to me he is now underweight. He seems to have a healthy attitude to exercise, has days off and eats like a horse but I still have concerns about him. Anyway this week he has started to ask me for my number, suggest we go for coffee or lunch, even ask if I'm doing anything after my swim. He is a really nice guy, good looking and I think would be very understanding but I am so freaked out. I have social anxiety and have never been approached by a guy before, never been on a date. I'm 28 and I've never done anything, and I mean, anything. It would be difficult enough if I was feeling well without the added complication of my depression and the ED stuff being bad at the moment and against the background of his relentless exercising and eating habits. I have been making excuses all week and finally asked if he was on face book as a compromise only to be directed to his food blog - turns out hes a restaurant critic in his spare time!

I'm caught between knowing it would be good for me to push myself to meet new people and taking on too much. I'm started back to work any day now, starting with a community treatment program in a couple of weeks hopefully and still fighting depression and the ongoing social anxiety and ED. Getting to know him better would definately be difficult for me, maybe even harmful, but I might just be using that as an excuse. On the surface he seems to have a really healthy attitude towards his exercise and food which could be a good influence but it all seems so extreme I can't believe if he dosen't have a problem now, he's not heading for one. The other thing is, he seems such a nice guy and is easier than most to talk to. I don't want to miss an opportunity to challenge my anxieties with someone who could turn out to be really understanding and helpful and become a good friend.

I'm going to make myself send him an email because its not fair to leave him waiting any longer but I'm scared it'll sound stupid as so often I loose a sense of what sounds normal to other people. Please could people read below and see what you think.


Just wanted to drop you a line to explain a little. I haven't given you my number because, as I'm sure you'll have noticed, I'm crap with words at the best of times, stick a phone to my mouth and I'm virtually mute. I'm chickening out and writing instead, hope you don't mind.

M has said you've told her your friends can't keep up with your exercise/eating habits, which I can sympathise with. However, if you're thinking I could, I should tell you I haven't been entirely truthful about everything (although, that goes no further please). I don't want to go into details but just to say I'm dealing with a lot of issues at the moment, some more successfully than others. This is another reason why I don't have a lot of spare time and I think it would also, probably, make our lifestyles fairly incompatible.

That said, if you don't mind meeting up with a borderline nut job for coffee once in a while I'd be happy to go for coffee after our swim occasionally or when I'm over your way. Wont be offended at all though if you'd rather not, will leave it with you.

Sorry for my delaying tactics this week anyway, you've been very patient, I'd have got the hump with me ages ago. Like your blog btw, very professional. You really do like your food don't you :-)

See you soon"

I know I should feel flattered by his attention but I can't help but think he is only forcing himself to be interested in me because he thinks I'm the only person he'll meet who can keep up with his exercise routine.

Sorry this is so long but your comments on my situation and the email would be very much appreciated.


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