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cant stop the dreams want to hurt myself


swann
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every morning i wake up with fresh visions of horrible dreams and cry. i have been awake for 3 hours today and cannot stop crying. went on facebook to see if i could talk to anyone but the people i could reach are not really that close and dont know whats going on in my life. their words of encouragement seemed empty and made me more depressed and scared that i might hurt myself. i need help. no one takes me seriously. and i have no one to talk to. im so alone and angry and scared and confused. i just need some contact. please help me. im sinking. theres nothing for me to look forward to..

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Hello Swann. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are feeling so lost and don't know what to do. I don't know that I have much advice for you other than to let you know that you can talk here about what is bothering you if you feel able to. Are you currently on any medications or seeing a doc?

The people here are caring and unjudgemental so you need not be afraid. Hope you can get some good sleep without any nightmares. Take care.

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Hi Swann, I used to have nightmares to the point I would not want to go to sleep to avoid having to be in those dreams. In my case it was recurrent dreams about the domestic violence in my household when I was growing up. Getting treatment for the post traumatic stress stopped the nightmares for me.

If instead your nightmares are not about certain past events, you might be dealing with something emotionally that your conscious mind cannot understand. In that case I would ask if you have a creative outlet, and do you practice any form of relaxation such as prayer, spiritual practice, regular exercise, yoga, meditation.

From what you wrote, especially "nothing for me to look forward to" you seem quite worried. Is there really nothing for you to look forward to? How did you arrive at that conclusion? Do you know the future won't change in a way no one including yourself hadn't predicted? Things often seem worse than they really are, and decisions made in a state of worry tend to not be the best decisions one can make. So if you do have a problem that needs your attention, your best bet is to step back for a moment to let the emotional energy dissipate, and then look at the problem with a calm mind.

This is as usual easier said than done. I still struggle to do this properly in my own life. It's like learning to ride a bike. People can give you advice but you have to practice, and fall down a few times, before it quite works.

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thank you all

my dreams are never about a specific event really. but have reoccurring themes of being chased by faceless people with knives and trying to find clever places to hide is usually an element. what bothers me most about them is that no matter how unrealistic the happenings in the dream are, they feel so real- i can read, touch, smell, taste, feel pain, recall actual memories and such that it feels like its real. i wake up feeling like im caught between two worlds. ive broken up relationships based on dreams thinking they were real memories in which these people hurt me and when i confronted them about it i thought they were only making up that they hadnt done so. only realizing later that the events were only dreams, not memories, but the damage had been done. sometimes i could fix it but its embarrassing and its not the same after you accuse someone of doing things they hadnt.

lately i have a reoccurring dream of walking into a large old white tiled bathroom with a window in it on the left. the door shuts behind me and in the middle of the room there is one of the old beast footed bath tubs with a child sized person sitting in it. but it is not a child, the top of it has been removed from the shoulders up. i walk over to it and it is sitting in blood. the way the top is off it looks like if you take a knife to the head of a hollow chocolate easter bunny. and there are no bones, structure, organs- just a pool of blood slightly over flowing out of it. i sit next to it on the floor and placidly watch the blood level rise against the white tub. then it really fast reaches its arms up out of the blood and tries to strangle me. i fall back on hte tile and hit my head/black out. when i wake up again im the one sitting in the tub and i can feel my stomach hurting pretty badly. i look down and theres a brown stain where my belly button would be. i try to scratch at it and it makes my stomach hurt worse. i look under my shirt and theres nothing there. when i put my shirt down the stain starts growing and for some reason i just like feverishly scratching at it as it hurts me every time i do it, i end up falling on my back in the tub still rtying to get the stain to come off. and when i fall i land on something behind me. when i turn to see what it is, its the half child thing and it starts flailing its arms around. then the tub is filled with blood somehow and it tries to drown me. and then i wake up.

its not every night and i have no clue what the hell it means but when i wake up i feel like im just coming up for air and i find myself back in my room. its seemless, from drowning to waking up in my room, no definite point where i know im waking up.

other than that though my dreams are very real and graphic every night, and usually some seriously traumatic thing happens in it. usually different every day, but lately this one just keeps happening. there are subtle variations, like shirt color and how i fall but that body in the tub is always as disturbing.

also no, sorry to say this is the only help i am able to recieve due to getting denied medicaid because im also on food stamps, and i have no income so i cant go anywhere. plus theres something in my head that says i shouldnt need to pay someone to be listened to. my experience in the past was one court ordered family therapist and she was a total ****. no clue was she was talking about, totally wrong judgements and didnt care what anyone but my abusive step father had to say. bogus. i like you guys much more. i value your opinions as people, and i like the give and take in this situation.

thank you so much everyone.

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thank you pseudome and yes the grounding yourself thing by looking at random objects does help. its more the feeling of dreading sleep and waking up that trigger my SI. i try to stop i tell myself its wrong but i do it anyway. its something controllable as you know and usually proves im awake.. i feel horrible about this as hurting myself has only recently become a serious problem. but i have no other outlet. i try to paint ordraw but it usually depresses me and writing my dreams in my journal just makes them stronger in my memory. not sure if keeping the dream journal helping or hurting me in that respect, it was kind of anattempt to lucid dream so i could control them and make my dreams whatever i want them to be. but as soon as i startted making headway into become lucid, something traumatic happened to me. for a while i stopped remembering them all together. which was kinda nice, although i still woke up feeling like i missed something. but they are back and just as unmanagable as ever. :D

but it helps thewaking hours knowing that youre out there and you understand and hear me. im sorry youre experiencing the same, but it helps to have someone on the same level thatgets it..

thank you for the response.

<3

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