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Am I a jerk about my girlfriend ?


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Good Morning, CA :)

"Am I a jerk about my girlfriend ?"

How would you feel if your girlfriend had these thoughts about you ?

That she was superior to you, was more intelligent and had more culture than you.........

Each of us are different, we all have our own qualities, our own abilities, things we are not so good at, and our own charachter........

It would be a pretty boring place to be if we were all the same :)

I hope that you atleast do not act superior around her, coz speaking from personal experience, that sucks :)

So what if your girlfriend dosnt understand some of the words you and your friends use, speak in words that she does understand, or teach her what those meanings of the words are when those situations arrive. (in a nice way). And isnt it nice that she can act childish, isnt it fun at those times ? Maybe that is just her way of reaching out to you, to show you things dont always have to be so serious.

Im glad that your thoughts have moved on from what was haunting you this time last month, but why change the thought for another that is upsetting you ?

Why do you feel the need to compare your present girlfriend with your past relationship ? What purpose does it solve ?

You said it yourself, she is nice, caring, funny and is proud of you. You love her, why not just try and enjoy the relationship rather than picking fault with it ? :)

Take care

Edited by SweetSue
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Hi CA

No I don't act superior, or patronizing to her, it would be mean, and yes, it would suck.

But I don't want to act "inferior" than what I am, because it would be mean too, and disrespectful, I hate when people do this to me.

Why not try and just be yourself ?

You could always just simply treat your girlfriend as your equal - isnt that what a partnership / relationship is all about ?

What makes you so sure you are superior to her ?

She may know of words that you do not understand, she may be able to do things which you are unable. Heck she may even think she is superior to you, for you just do not know what she knows. These are after all, possibilities.

Each person in a relationship brings with them their own life skills, part of the fun is discovering what those are and learning from each other :)

Take care

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OH CA,

Your a inteligent person, just because your education degree is higher than hers, that dosnt make you better than her. It just means you have a piece of paper with some letters on it, different to hers. :)

So she is honest with you when she dosnt understand you - maybe you could try explaining things to her in a way that she does understand.

I can hear you are sad, maybe you could try and help yourself to feel less sad by concentrating on the possitives of your relationship rather than the negatives. :)

What are some of the possitives about her, things that make you proud of her, proud to be with her ?

Take care

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I know education degree does not mean anything.

It's just my mind is a really big mess, and I often think I'm smarter than every one else on earth, even if I know it's nonsense and rather stupid.

Is this how you truely feel, that you are smarter than everyone on earth ? Or have you gotten yourself confused, by over-thinking just how superior you are ?

What is positive about her ?

She is beautiful, and you see when you can tell someone is nice just by looking at him/her ? That's the case with her.

She is empathic, caring, loving, logical, very generous, very tolerant, very funny, creative, she is quite shy, which is really cute, she don't talk for nothing, and we can sit next to each other, without talking, without feeling it's awkward,

she is a childcare assistant, and the kids love her more than any other assistant, she is curious, she likes to experiments, etc.

These are lovely things about your girlfriend, why waste time with thoughts of how much better you are than her, next time you think you are superior to her, change your thought, to one of the things you mentioned above, and try to concentrate on the things that bring you joy to your life :)

Take care CA :)

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I know I have a lack of culture in many domains, but I really think I have a pretty solid culture in a large number of things. I'm aware of my own flaws, but I really feel smarter than everyone, because I can always predict what everybody is going to do, or think. I am really good at analyzing and predicting people's needs and behavior, and it really is a pain, it scares me sometimes, because I can manipulate people very easily... Horrible... :)

I don't know if you ever heard of those bullshit conspiracy theories about reptilians controlling secretly the world, I feel exactly like these reptilians, cold blooded creatures, very pragmatic, etc. :)

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CA,

Have you always thought this way - that you are smarter than everyone, that you can ALWAYS predict what everybody is going to do, that you can anaylise and predict peoples behaviour. ????

Because from what I remember from our many conversations during the time you have been part of this community - this just hasnt been the case.

You may well be able to manipulate people easily CA, but why would you want too ?

Are you still seeing your therapist - have you discussed this change in you, with her ?

I think that maybe you need to go and see your doctor hun - because this isnt the you I have come to know over the past weeks that you have been here. :) :)

Have you had a medication change recently ? That can sometimes effect the way that you feel........

Take care

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Actually it's not that I believe Im smarter than everyone else, it's just that I feel it, and I know that I'm not, but the problem, is it's one, is that I over-think too much, I think very quickly, I always have like 3 thoughts in advance, like I'm anticipating everything, imagining a lot of scenarios very quickly. My mind is like this, so it may sounds "cool" but actually it is not, because I never lived in the now, rather than that, always living in the future, or in my thoughts.

And I'm glad I found my girlfriend because she will teach me how to enjoy the moment. My ex had the exact same mind as me, and it was really not very sane. :)

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Maybe it's a good sign of recovery that my anxiety has slightly moved towards another topic than sexuality ? :confused:

Also I must add that while all of these sounds terrible, I'm also very empathic, if someone close to me feels bad, I will feel bad for him, if someone is fainting in the street, I will almost faint myself.

I remember one time, very late at night, I was walking on the streets with my ex, and saw a homeless woman, walking almost nude, almost fainting, so I called the emergencies, and you know what ? They were mad at me for calling them !!! They told me "Oh crap, not her again, THANK YOU MISTER !!!" with a bad looking at me !!! How I was supposed to know they knew her, and even with this fact, so they know her, so you are supposed to don't care about her ???

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Hi CA,

I dont know if its a good sign or not, that you are no-longer concentrating as much on the topic of sexuality, onto this topic, where you now feel you are superior, to everyone else,...... etc. This is something you should probably mention to either your p/doc (if you have one) or your therapist.

Are you still seeing your therapist, and have you told her how you have been feeling recently ?

Take care

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Guest ASchwartz

CA,

You did the absolutely correct thing in calling emergency. Just because they behaved stupidly does not make you wrong. Their job is to go out, over and over, regardless if they know someone or not. Tough on them. You did the right thing and they should do their job and keep their big mouths shut.

Good job, CA!!

Allan

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CA- maybe the truth hurts. I am a disgusting whore. And you, you are of average intelligence. Here's the kicker...what your parents told you insn't true.

Now that might sting for a bit. We're you class validictorian? Do you have a Phd with distinction? Are you frequently approached to assist with confounding academic or social issues? Have you read 'A Brief History of Time' cover to cover? Rather, its possible you are being hindered by your mediocre intellect and that allows you to rationalize your superiority complex.

Still not convinced? You contradict your own argument by stating you are able to anticipate how events will unfold around you, however you had no idea that the paramedics you called would react with annoyance. You were so surprised, in fact, that your still venting about it now. I bet you were at a loss for words at the time. I'm sure I would have been. Quick thinking eluded you when you could have really used it.

Now some may be annoyed with me for not being supportive enough. (Tough love people, tough love.) But I feel it would be a diservice to give you false hope. I say: Embrace your average intelligence! Use it to the best of your ability and stop needlessly wasting the brain power you have on unrealistic notions of profound genius.

Now, I must also call my own intellegence into question for having wasted my time with this reply, as your superiority complex will likely convince you that I too am a rambling fool. Wait. Oh No! Perhaps you intentionally used poor grammar to lure me into this redundant argument, just so you could prove that I am also an imbicile, therfore concluding, that you are far superior to I. Damn the curse of inferiority! Its true! Your are intellectually superior, CA. I relent. It is true.

PS

Heads up on the word "doesn't" by the way. And also look up "EQ". We could both probably use a healthy dose of that.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

JJ, if you want to delude yourself into believing that insulting people and making fun of their problems is generally called "tough love", that's your choice. Unsurprisingly, I reported your post.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Hi CA,

maybe your "elitism" is a way you use to distance yourself from people. It's difficult to keep that up when you want to get closer to someone who doesn't fit the "criteria". I'm wondering if that is only a problem, because you linked intelligence to your self-worth, and having less of it must be embarrassing in your opinion. But actually there'll be a process of getting to know each other that is required no matter how intelligent someone is. Take care.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there no matter how much we try. I've been involved with women where we both realized that we just really were out of snyc conversationally. Now the physical chemistry was great, and there were other great things in the relationship, but at the end of the day, it just wasn't enough for the both of us.

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