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BPD Manipulation...


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One person's well described account of BPD manipulation:

"For reasons that only the BPD person knows someone in their life needs to go away and in some cases stay away. The problem is if you hastily end it then you look like the bad guy and chances are guilt will appear both which are not allowed in my mind. I will basically set a trap, leading the other person into a confrontation that will appear to set off a rage (which I completely control) by the time the confrontation is over the other person is in a complete state of shock and confusion while running out the door. Now my mind justifies this as it was the other persons actions that led to the rage and if this person knew me better then they would have respected my boundaries then the confrontation would not have happened. The part where I arranged the whole thing my mind just conveniently forgets. So if I did nothing wrong then there is no reason for guilt and I am still the good guy. My fragile false self image is still intact."

I don't know about you guys but this sounds a lot like how i go about my daily living and interacting, to the point that this kind of manipuation just happens simply because it's almost all I know, almost unconscious. I want it to stop.

I hate how this is some messed up twisted way of trying to control every interaction, since allowng things to just be, since just reacting emotionally on an honest human level is something I feel I don't even know how to do, or even how to make myself do, even though i want to.

I've been becoming more and more aware of ths and it is really upsetting to me. I feel incredibly guilty and full of shame after it happens because I know my responses were not genuine and that seems so monsterous to me. I am hoping there is a way to correct this. I can remember being lke that even when I was as young as 12 years old, putting on makeup in a bright and cheery manner when my parents were upset with me in hopes of manipulating the situation in my favor. I truly don't want to be like this anymore. Anyone think this is something at all possible to change? Or is this what i was born to do, it being a "personality disorder" and all. I wish I could go back to kindergarden and correct everything and grow up properly...

Edited by kate326
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