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what has it been? (sex problem)

getting there

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I have to ask a professional question: in therapy I described my first and only time I have had sex. I was a 23 yr old young woman and decided to give sex a try with this guy I was dating. Well, don't want to get in the details but it was like in a porn movie: mechanical, and not at all warming and kind. Was scared at first, but forced myself to try thinking: everyone does this, and maybe it gets better in time. In between I just couldn't go on, and asked him to stop verbally. He said: "no I can't, its too late". and I thought: "woops, should have asked him before to stop, now I have to bear with it".

Anyway, after a week I left him. He was kind, but didn't feel respected. It is not rape, it is more as if I was a very stupid young woman, and let it happen. 10 years have gone by, and didn't get involved in any other relationships. Anyone know how to tag this? Really curious of your opinion.

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Hello, sorry to hear you had a such a horrible experience. Just because the sex was consensual at first doesn't mean there wasn't a sexual assault. You asked him to stop, and he didn't respect your command.

Being a victim of any type of sexual assault is hard to deal with, and in a way, it affects you even though you don't realize it. Example being, in your post, you said you were being a stupid young woman. The first reaction, and sometimes the biggest reaction to such an incident is self blame.

Don't blame yourself. You were disrespected and darn him for being such a jerk. Any real man would have respected your request. Don't let his actions ruin your opinions on intimacy. You have to find a way to work through this with your therapist, or with your friends on here to realize that intimacy is a special connection between two people who are in love. It's not meant to be degrading. It's showing love to someone whom you love. When you meet that someone, you'll know. Never have sex just because you feel like that's what the ordinary person would do. If your partner doesn't respect your request to wait until you know if there is that connection between the two of you, then you know they are obviously focused on all the wrong things.

Don't let this keep you down. Don't give the jerk the satisfaction of affecting your sex life and personal relationships. Address the issue at hand, find a way to cope, and accept the fact that it WAS NOT your fault.

Hope this helps, and I pray you find peace and comfort, and most of all, much deserved respect. God Bless.

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