I have no words anymore to anyone in my family

[sadgreeneyes]

I have always been forgotten, the last one to know things if I do get to know things at all, no one could pick me up at my sisters sons birthday when he was 18, yeah everyone was shocked as my uncle could not pick me up,whos gonna pick "her" up, it was 10 minutes extra drive to pick me up, so I sat alone at home waiting while not even no one telling me the birthday had started. My grandmother said I could take the bus with some coins and someone could pick me up down in the street.

Its been several times something. Now our grandmother died last week and no one tells me when the funeral is, I got shock, it was today, but no one tells me.

I am always forgotten and I feel now way to much shocked, way too much being forgotten and unimportant that I told them I dont want to hear from anyone of them anymore.

I dont want to hear from anyone of them, I asked them to leave me alone.

Not only do I get served lies from my sister she´s been txt me last night,she hasnt or it would be on my phone and she said she was out drinking last night. She probably didnt want me in "her" grandmothers funeral, my sister has had tendency to be abusive against me before, specially when she was drinking and among other people.

I dont care any of them anymore, they could have told me all of them yesterday but no one did. And I hate them for it, I have took abuse from my both my father and my sister, in different ways, even from my grandmother who is now dead. Still I am shocked how they could forget me once again.

No one calls or txt info. Just tells me oh it was today, like nothing. Its not normal to say it two hours before the funeral is when not even knowing the day, as my father called me today, but he lives in east and had to take flight here or drive, still no one can say anything the day before the funeral is.

I called him one week ago about grandmothers death and he never called back until today, 2 oclock while I was sleeping, same day the funeral is. Normal people inform people at least a day before. I am just too shocked.

Too too shocked and too hurt, that I have had enough of all of them.

I am so angry and feel so betrayed and hurt.

I never want to see or hear from them ever again!

My limit has exploded.

Too me this is unforgivable. All of them has abused me somehow with bad words that really hurts and some of them cannot be forgotten and now I am forgotten again.

I wish I had someone to give me love in this moment because its so disrespectful and so indifferent to do something like this.

Seriously speaking, if I had a lot of money with nothing holding me here I would leave the country tonight. I dont want to see anyone of them ever again.

[Leo1954]

sadgreeneyes

I just read your post I am wanting to say to you and I'll probably get some flack from somebody but, I perfectly understand where you are coming from. I am the middle child my father told everybody my sister was his favorite my brother was mom's. I was told that I was the mistake. I have never had a relationship with my sister. I can't ever forgive anybody in my family for how I was treated. Now it's funny because I'm here taking care of mom until she passes. I want to leave this state and I would like to do it as of yesterday. I have nobody here that I want to even communicate with. And as soon as I'm able me and my daughter will be outa here. I also am not leaving no forwarding address or phone no. will be non-published. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this crap the only thing I can honestly say to you and myself KARMA is a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks Leo, someone who understand now is so much what I need, I cant believe how evil this is, she didnt txt me about the funeral and she hasnt even txt me the funeral is over!! its sick and I have had enough of all of them and my sisters lies, she wrote my father rang my door and just to say he doesnt even know my door number,not that it matter, he didnt rang the door because I would hear it as I sleep close to the door bell, I can tell no one did as my door bell is sooo loud that it scares not only me but my friend downstairs too when someone ring her door, when I sleep and someone ring the door I jump up and my heart is racing,every time. No one rang my door today and even so, what if I was in town, what if I wasnt home. My sister wrote he rang my door and no one understood why I didnt show up in the funeral!! so I should just show up without getting any info the funeral would be, not where or when or anything, if a txt had been sent me it would have come into my phone, my sister is an evil lying bitch like she has been numerous times before.

I can not forgive this. If she felt bad, why didnt she ask did I get her txt ( which she didnt send), why didnt she try to call me, why didnt she tell me the funeral is over, she doesnt even say that...not until before I txt her tonight had she heard anything when the funeral will be.

I txt my father everything and that I have had enough of evil, there is no normal person who does this to anyone. I hate her deeply, even had thoughts I will start to be abusive too, even thought I should kill them all.

I will never forgive this.

I was thinking the same, KARMA, what goes around comes around.

If I had lots of money I would get out of this city, even thought of leaving to London to get away for some days, but no money. I will never take any calls from them anymore, others on a recovery board has told me before to cut the contact with all 3 of them as they has treated me horrible before with abusive words. But now I have had enough, really. I can feel my anger boil still.

I am thinking about getting secret phone number, I dont want to have anything to do with them anymore, its enough. The other recovery board has told me my life will always be abused on some ways staying in touch with them as there always will be new abusive situations.

No one has right to give you any flack Leo, because when being abused in life from family members the abusive ones are the ones who should be criticized:o

No one should have to accept being abused by their family nor anybody. Even my exh was abusive I still love him. But I dont feel much for my family, the ones who are and has been abusive, my brother and mother was never abusive to me and they are not living. I miss them so much.

[Leo1954]

I also don't forgive any of my family. Even my mother physically & mentally abused when she was angry I was beat she also would tell me in front of other familny members that don't even live down here that I wouldn't amount to anything. I'm the only one that went to college I'm the only one that had a damn good career. I also HATE my sister I haven't even tried to talk to her since 2004 only for her to call and say what mom is leaving her in the will. I said $10.00 which is the truth she got pissed and said her husband who is a complete asshole said she is entitled to more because of the law I told her & him the will is valid and no judge would go against it. So they better have their ass backing up their mouth. That thrilled me to say that she is a total bitch. As far as my brother I haven't even seen or talked to him since 1979. My father passed away in 2009 I'm sorry to say I didn't attend his funeral and to this day haven't shed a tear. If I had the money I would turn my medical P.O.A. over to her lawyer. My cousin is getting everything so why am I taking care of everything for her I have no damn idea. I have in the past two months am remembering more and more. But, if I cma leave nobody will ever find me. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!

So I agree with everything thing you say. When they will want you for something you can say I don't give a damnn what happens after you treated me like you didn't exist. That I'm already going to do and I'm really doing now.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sadgreeneyes]

Exactly, why do we have to forgive the people who doesnt even care we exist or care to let family members know about such an important thing as a funeral, I got shock, my heart was pounding, then I was crying how they could do this to me, my sister lied saying she txt me, she never did and she knows it. Me and my sister had been a team the last two week and visited our grandmother and the day before the funeral she throw a lie forgetting me. I have no words.

I am so sorry for all the things you have gone through, coming from abusive childhood homes can wound a soul forever. I am wounded too. My father beat my mother and brother in childhood when they lived, my father exploded because my mother was schizophrenic, but still beat my brother too, I feel so badly for my mother still but know she is at peace, he ran after my mothers mother with kitchen knife( not the grandmother who died, that was my fathers mother ), threw me out at age 15 and never cared since, never gave any love, he was a self busy man who forgot his own children and called his new womans children his children, he never mentioned us. My brother and mother died suddenly, my brother shot himself and my mother of aneurysm, it was really bad and I miss them deeply. My father doesnt even bother txt me anything and my sister doesnt even care she knows she didnt send any txt.

Only we who has experienced abuse from family members or others know what it means to be in touch with them, it harms us and if it is fine for a while, even months it will always come a new abusive situation, whether it is a simple ugly lie to forget you and make excuses, to rob you of an important event or whatever it is, these excuses and lies are a part of the abuse, its seems so subtle but if you know what abuse look like you will recognize it when you see it, and good relations can never be built when the ones who are suppose to treat you with respect and be nice shows up to be rather hurtful with purpose.

"No one understood why you didnt come in the funeral", in this sentence lies the abuse, she knew she didnt txt, so knew I couldnt know about the funeral, so she knows that when my father call I might not be able to take the phone ( which I couldnt as I was sleeping) , I could be at the doctor ( I was actually some days ago ) and then she say no one understood why you didnt come, how could I come when she didnt let me know and further she lets everybody think she txt me and that I didnt show up like I didnt care. She knows this very well. She said she had txt 3 others too, but she never txt me or it would have come to my phone. Its not the first time my sister show these subtle ways to be mean. She has spit alcohol in my face saying it was sister love, she has been cruel in many ways, specially before. My grandmother who died said when my mother died, that she was crazy in the head and should never be married to your father, are you still talking about your mother and she wasnt even buried! and when I said I loved my mother and pray to God she is in good place, my grandmother said she had not said anything else, just pray to your God if you have any. My father told me to shut my mouth when my mother died, as he was slow buying this thing to put on the coffin. Just that he calls others children his children and not mention his real children, us, it speak for itself.

So my question is still, what on earth do I owe them. Nothing. Thats why they say its better go NC with them. Now my limit is reached. I think my, yours and everyones life would be better finding good people who really care about us and want the best for us, like we all want the best for each other.

Saying she was drinking the day before the funeral, she never txt me. She saying she checked her phone and that the txt was sent, if it really was sent it would have come to my phone, my phone was empty and had lots of space for a txts. She didnt txt.

And to expect that people are ready 1 hour before a funeral when not knowing the funeral is is absolutely crazy. She knew my father would think I may was ready and available when he called, simply because my sister told him a lie she had txt me when she didnt.

[malign]

I saw a great bumper-sticker the other day:

"Resentment is like taking poison and then waiting around for the other person to die."

Forgiveness isn't for the person forgiven; it's for the forgiver, to make peace with themselves.

[Leo1954]

Malign

I understand what you are saying. But it is hard to forgive when you have tried to also forgive but still you

get again & again slapped in the face. And then you get to the point is why try anymore? Now I'm only speaking about myself.

[malign]

Forgiving doesn't have to mean you go back to keep getting slapped.

It's just letting go of the resentment, not pretending nothing ever happened.

You definitely still have to protect yourself.

[Leo1954]

sadgreeneyes

I know you are hurting bad. I feel for you so much. To me as the saying goes if you wanted to abuse me and not want me why in the Hell didn't you give me up to somebody who desperately wanted a baby. But I already know what the answer would be because what goes in the home stays in the home. Plus my religion would [Catholic] never would allow them to come back. In my era that's how they acted. It's not that I wish I was never born it's just like wanting to grow up in a better situation. That can't happen but I also can say I have no family anymore or any that counts to me. They don't even care what has happened to my daughter including my sisters grown adult daughter. So I say F--- It.

Been here and still doing it. Have to count on myself whether anybody cares or not!!

[sadgreeneyes]

I agree with both, forgiveness is of course important and you dont have to have anything to do with the person anymore, but as Leo say, when we are getting slapped so much in the face over and over again it is very hard to forgive, the limit get reached, you cant forgive the same day someone did a horrible thing to you, in my book..to spoil a persons presence to come in a funeral is pretty bad, this is something that goes beyond words, it can never be reversed, the person is dead.

Many things can be dealt with, but a funeral cannot, this is cruelty beyond words.

I am now thinking of a life free of them where I can take care of my own needs and be good to myself and find people who care about me, I dont need them in my life to be happy, they are abusive.

And I also plan to get rid of everything that reminds me of them, I am gonna start all new for myself. I am gonna spoil myself as I never have done that before, by some nice clothes, I will love myself, I dont need any of them, there are many good people out there.

Leo, you are right, why try anymore, we dont get treated fair and good in the long run anyway, thats why I will follow the recovery boards advice to me once and for all, to go NC. Right now I feel I have no options, I need to protect myself.

[sadgreeneyes]

Leo, thank you and I do so understand how you feel too, its not fair at all, we should not have to take abuse and pain, to be forgotten, know that there are plenty of people out there who will treat us with the respect we deserve, just like we respect them. We cant respect anyone who doesnt give respect back, it just doesnt work that way, its impossible.

I give you a big big hug!

[sadgreeneyes]

My father txted this night saying how sorry he was and if I could forgive him his stupidity as he felt it was more his fault as he should have called and let me know. I said I forgave him, but that he should have called before, but that I could not forgive my sister, because it was her who said she had told me about the funeral when she had not. And my friend downstairs said people dont txt about a funeral they call! its an important event. My father said on that same txt that T (a woman in the family) had talked with my sister and so my father thought I had got the message about the funeral from my sister. So its just another evidence that my sister is lying as she didnt contact me, she just let people think so. How else can anyone of them think I know about the funeral unless my sister really told me. She didnt.

I said to him he could have my new secret number ( he nearly never calls anyway), but that he should not give it to anyone. I said because of what has happened I find it impossible to have any contact with my sister for a long long time if ever. I said how betrayed and forgotten I was.

I am not able to have any contact, I believe this is a very normal feeling after being stepped on, my sister doesnt even apologize, but thats fine as I do better without it. I dont want contact. I neither can stand it or want it. I can not forget.

I am sorry I ramble about the same, the same words, but this was just unforgivable. I cant even look at their faces. It would make me feeling sick.

I have always been forgotten and not ever important to be a part of giving messages and information, its like I dont belong to the family. Its like oh L we forgot her, to be so unimportant and invisible to your own family makes it not worth it anymore. I´m done.

I have enough struggles in my life and now she gave me this. Cant forget it.

[Leo1954]

Hey!

I'm glad your dad called you. I hope he remembers that you are also his daughter as well.

As far as your sister I have the feeling the same way as you. I hate to say this and God forgive me but, I don't want to call her to tell her Mom has passed away. Honestly I'm telling you the truth she don't care who she hurts who she steals it from [that is a Quote]

She wants anything and everything even if she don't deserve it. She is a narcisstic [if thats how you spell it] Bitch. I swear her & her husband one would lie and the other one would swear to it. She also acts like she is living in the 60's she does everything he tells her to do. He can't make a cup of coffee on his own. Otherwise when they both say jump they do. I'm sorry I'm rambling but it's nice to talk to somebody that has been through a severly dyfunctional family especially mine. And Hugs to you.

I'm happy that your dad called HURRAH!!!! HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Leo, well he didnt call but sent a txt message, but thats better than nothing, and as always, even I said I forgave him and wrote some messages how I feel, he didnt respond anything back, anyway thats fine, I have too much sorrow and problems in my life I couldnt deal with more stuff.

I do understand so well your feelings and to not wanting to tell as she is abusive, a narcissist, narcissists are horrible people to have to deal with, they just makes your life miserable. If she´s a true narcissists she wont care anything than herself,narcissists doesnt care for others other than themselves and what they can gain from others, whether it is money, success or sex.

No matter what they are, they are abusive and thats a good reason to stay away from them.

To know we are good people who could never hurt others like abusers does is enough for us to know. We cant help people who are abusive.

[sadgreeneyes]

Got myself new secret phone number today. I want to be left in peace. Only give it to the ones I want to have it and who I can trust to keep it secret.

No family members contacted me about the funeral.

Non of them wondered about me.

Non of them contacted me to say the funeral was over.

No one have said they are sorry except for my father.

To me its shows how little worth I am as a family member when something like that can happen.

Its a crime to destroy someones part being in a funeral. It cannot be reversed. People have to live with it for the rest of their lives. I can never get it back. I was robbed from it all.

If someone can put themselves in my shoes and think if non of your family members cared to inform you about the funeral. That they left you and not even tell you the funeral is over. I had to txt to ask about the funeral again and just get to hear its over and non of them would tell me unless I asked had they heard anything. And to add, they sat all the day after the funeral still not saying anything, still no one wondered about me and no one had any intention saying anything.

My father didnt even do anything to meet me before he left back to east. No one cared.

That is one of the sickest and most unforgivable thing to do.