malign Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Now sing it to yourself, J, with feeling. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Why not then simply focus on the path up the mountain rather than stare up at the top. Little by little. You'll get there. We'll stand by you and support you along the way. Maybe humming the song to yourself would help too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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malign Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 I'll need backup singers ... ;-)The idea of having something "accidental" take over from us, when we're thinking of suicide but are unable to do it, is pretty common. I remember imagining getting run over and stuff ... The thing is, that part that's refusing to do it isn't weakness; it has something to tell us.It's trying to tell us it knows another way.The hard part is getting it to tell us what that way is. Or, listening well enough to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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malign Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 The first step is definitely backup singers. :-)Jai, a friend of mine is deeply into an early performance artist/composer named John Cage. He's famous, among other interestingly useless things, for a composition that was essentially four and a half minutes of silence. What he was really going for was that the audience would create their own artwork, just with the noises they made.He has been quoted as saying "Begin Anywhere".It's your mountain. You can walk straight at it; you can walk around to see if it's easier on the other side; you could spiral your way up it. You can go alone; you can take friends.But that's all by the way. If you want a short answer for what's the first step, { and it's not allowed to be "therapy" } ;-) I might very well say, "Forgive yourself".But that may not be possible for you, yet. It's just an idea. In fact, the first step is probably the desire to take a step. :-)There, that's many answers. I hope one of 'em works. If not, come back: I have more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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malign Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 There ya go: there might be book material in this, after all. ;-)One of my favorite sayings is that if Life were easy, we'd all be doing it.Don't go making it too easy, otherwise we'll be overrun by dummies.It's amazing how helpful a creative imagination can be, in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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malign Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Jai, it's not hard to understand how you might revert to a childlike state, at times. Many of the people I know here do that, from time to time, particularly abuse survivors.It's okay not to always know what's next. No one's going to hurt you while you figure it out.I'd guess that the opposite of instinct is probably the fear that the instincts are wrong. I'm not gonna lie: sometimes they are. And sometimes our grown-up rationality is, too.This is going to be a long road, Jai, with lots of turns and set-backs. Anything valuable is worth working for, though.Maybe a reasonable goal, to start, is to learn to gradually increase your tolerance to uncertainty, and maybe emotional pain, without acting out in self-destructive ways. But even that is a big monolithic goal; I'm not sure how it's done.I have no training, just some personal experiences of my own, ones that don't include abuse. Depression, suicidality, maybe some verbal abuse. That, and a lot of hours talking to people who hurt. I feel a bit out of my depth, too, though I would dearly like to help. That's the only reason for suggesting therapy: not to make you do something you don't like, just because it genuinely seems like it would help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 I've been known to revert to a child-like state at times. I call this my vulnerable self.I don't have much to add, but wanted to offer my support in whatever you decide is your first step.I'll gladly hold your hand on the stairs if it helps and it's what you need. Plenty of friends have held mine...You can do this, Jai.Take gentle care of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack's Smirking Revenge Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Is this something you want to fix or something you just want to talk about? Either one is fine, but make a decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi Jack's Smirking RevengeGuess your new here - so erm Welcome The thing is, it is NOT always easy to make a decision, one way or another. Sometimes a person can have mixed feelings about something or a situation. Surely not everything is as straight forward as choosing one way or another ?Hi Jaijai,Im here too hun, I may have been silent in your thread so far, (i have my reasons namely being Im not all that with it lately ) but I have been reading it, and no matter how you are feeling - it could change from day to day (with me I change my mind as often as my mood swings change - so yeah several times a day) I will support you any way I can. We all will Hope your day is kind to you Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pseudome Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Is this something you want to fix or something you just want to talk about? Either one is fine, but make a decision.What's wrong with both? Sometimes talking about it is the first step towards fixing it. Also--not to freak you out, but you ever hear that saying "it gets worse before it gets better?" yeah. Beware of that. But you don't have to do it alone. We're all here standing with you. I'll hold your hand too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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pseudome Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 yeah--the whole getting worse thing kind of took me by surprise too...goodnight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 I found this place when I mistyped "mental health" in a Google search.And I don't mistype that often ...But you can't blame Google, really. You choose what you do with accidents, and whether you call them "good" or "bad" accidents.Funny, Sue hates being whiny, too, except she spells it "whingy". Gotta love the English. :-)I would suggest that the "getting worse" thing is really getting more conscious of how bad it's been all along. But yeah, that doesn't help you get through it. But when you are through it, that's when you'll feel the difference. Uh huh, promises promises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pseudome Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 I found this site by googling "help". It was either go here or click on the youtube link of the beatles singing "help"....tough call....See, now I'm curious as to what you were google searching that landed you here.... :eek:Anyways....yeah--worse before better. I kind of think of it like, you live on a shitty island and the mainland is a way better place, but between you and the mainland is shark infested waters and you haven't yet learned how to swim. Sorry. That's depressing. No worries. We'll help you learn. Also, poke the sharks in the eyes--that stops 'em.Here's some happy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 "... and you haven't yet learned how to swim."Meh. Learn to fly. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Funny, Sue hates being whiny, too, except she spells it "whingy". Gotta love the English. :-)Uh-Hu, and although I truely hate being "whingy" I am rather good at it - almost pro standards And yep someones gotta love us English Cockneys !!! [sorry werent gonna go on the boards when hyper(ish) wayyyy to much temptation - oops]Hope your okay JaiJai Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Loneone Posted August 4, 2011 Report Share Posted August 4, 2011 JaiJai,Your honesty really burns in my heart for some reason. I really like how you just lay everything out there, and people can take it or leave it. However, I don't feel that you really believe you are completely worthless. If that were true, then why would you be here trying to figure things out? I agree that cherished can bring up images of ladies who collect kitty and angel figurines, but we do deserve love. We are all capable of love. I truly hope you discover the love that you have for yourself and continue to grow as a person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack's Smirking Revenge Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 You know, I've had "Learning to Fly" stuck in my head for the past two days now. And to tell you the truth, I never really liked that song. But now it's always linked with getting over mental issues, and for whatever reason I now like the song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack's Smirking Revenge Posted August 29, 2011 Report Share Posted August 29, 2011 Hey JaiJai, I actually read the first pages of this thread and realized what I wrote earlier was a bit harsh. I didn't know about all your past and now understand better where you're coming from. My intent is the same, but just know that "getting over it" doesn't mean that you have to bottle it all inside you. Write whatever you damn want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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