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Tired of being TIRED of everything!


Jenna520
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I'm sick to death of being tired of everything in my life. I feel like I've been knocked down, dragged through the mud, screwed over, taken advantage of, used, and left for dead by anyone and everyone that I've encountered in my life.

I've got so much on my plate right now that I don't know how to deal with it. My anxiety is keeping me from living my life! My depression is eating me alive! I'm stricken with almost unbearable grief! And one by one, I'm watching every thing around me fall apart. Give me a break!!!!!

Since my brother passed away, my life has gone to hell in a handbasket. My parents often say things like, they have no reason to stay here, they want to sell the family farm and leave the state because there are just so many memories of my brother there. My mom often states that she has no reason to go on because she had a special relationship with my brother. Meanwhile, I listen and comfort her but both of them are really making me feel as though I'm nothing but a pain in their a$$. I know they are aching for their son- I'm aching for my brother,- but do they not see that they have another child right in front of them? Am I really that big of an annoyance to them?

My anxiety is keeping me secluded in my home a lot. I don't even go the grocery. I send my husband. I have a fear of the public, I feel very uncomfortable when I'm anywhere but home. I'm in prison, my own prison.

My husband finds it very easy to scream at me all the time. Criticizing me, point out my faults and ridiculing me in front of people which makes me feel like a smudge on the floor. He does it in front of my parents too and they say nothing now, all as if they are in silent agreement. What have I done?

My husband lost his job two days ago for getting in a confrontation with someone at his work place and threatening to "break his neck". I can't work due to my anxiety and physical health, and I can't get approved for SSI. So what now?

I can't even get enough energy, motivation, or concentration to clean the house.

I'm completely crushed. I feel unbelievable hatred towards me from every angle. It's not a good feeling. I feel all alone in this big ol' world, fighting an uphill battle, always on the losing end.

How do you fix this? I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm going through a hard time, but I haven't changed in how I treat my loved ones. So why do they find it so easy to make me feel so bad?

I guess I needed to vent. It's impossible to put everything into words. I just know I'm so sad and alone. What do I do to fix this? Talking to them is not working.

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Hi Jenna,

I am so sorry for how you feel and I can so relate to and understand your feelings because I am in such a sad situation myself struggling with much of the same as you. You feel alone and no one comforts you, you long for just that someone will do exactly that, to say everythings gonna be alright, a hug and someone who listen to you. You feel you give and you do but no one sees you. What you need right now is someone who can be there for you so you can start to feel little better. I wish I had someone to talk to too but I dont have any, no family, no one, I sit alone at home, dont go out, am depressed and wished my exh who wants to remarry me would show some love and attention.

I dont like to hear your husband criticize you and ridicule you, he must know that will make you feel horrible, if he is not an abusive man maybe you can tell him. Unless you already has? you need his support, not criticizing.

I long for support and specially from my exh, he knows I am in lot of pain, but he doesnt seem to want to give me those small things, like txts and loving words even he said yesterday he understood. Only these small things is incredible how it can help.

I hope you find some support because going through what you go through, with the feelings and all, is hurting you.

Hugs,

sadgreeneyes

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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Here I am, once again, it's after 6:00am and I can't sleep. My mind won't calm down for a second to let me rest. I feel like I've drank too much caffeine, though I haven't,- dang anxiety. I've thought a lot throughout the night. Wondering what I can do to help us get back on our feet financially since my husband lost his job. I keep coming to the same conclusion though, and that's I can't do anything. I can't work. I can't even go grocery shopping, or run an errand. I can't stand being in public so how am I going to work?

I've thought about my brother a lot.... I miss him so much. Though it's coming up on two months since he passed away, I still find myself expecting to see his phone number pop up on my caller ID whenever it rings. I was going through my contacts in my cell phone and ran across his name and number... I just broke down but I couldn't erase it.

Spent the last two hours trying to get the dishes done but I keep getting distracted and have yet to finish them. The house is quiet. The baby woke up for milk just a few minutes ago, and that few moments of sleepy company comforted me a small bit for a second. I expect my daughter to be up within the next two hours. She's lots of company and so funny. I must say, she has the sense of humor I used to have and that occasionally still comes out in me at times when I'm not looking.

My sister in law made me a disc with pictures of my brother on it. Makes me smile when I see them, but I try not to watch it too much because it does aggravate my grief quite a bit. I find it better not to look at pictures or think about it when my depression is as it is at this moment. No need to pour salt in an open wound.

I've been "reflecting" on my life the last two days. Depressed at my lack of accomplishments, furious at being defeated by anxiety and depression, looking back on what I once was and now an not. At first I considered the possibility that maybe in the back of my mind, aging was what was causing me to feel negative of what I've become. But I don't feel that's it. But then again, why am I all of a sudden yearning to live my life without being held back by depression, anxiety, grief, and the heaps of screwings I've had in the past, before it's too late? I keep telling myself all of it was brought on by my brother's passing, but the truth is, I made the appointment with a new psychiatrist the day before he passed away, with the intention of bettering how I'm dealing with my anxiety and depression. I'm tired of meds, and at times I feel like it should be a mind over matter thing, but it's IMPOSSIBLE to get ahead.

I'm a lost puppy in this world. I just wonder around looking for answers impossible to find. Meanwhile I get run over in the process. I feel so helpless right now. How do you bring yourself of this funk????? I've tried every route I can possibly think of. Nothing is helping, if anything, it's getting worse. What do you do to ease your inner pain and anxiety?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Jenna,

You know, we really are all lost puppies in this world and on this web site. I hope that the rest of us lost puppies can provide you with some comfort. We have to comfort one another.

Allan

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oh my,

I don't choose to embrace envisaging myself as a 'lost puppy,' requiring comforting.

I just don't see the usefulness.

Yes, comforting can be pleasurable, and I think we're all about aiming to be supportive.

But why do we imagine joining another in their state is helpful?

Yes, I can imagine all of us have felt like confused lost puppies from time to time,

but then we did something else, and changed that feeling to something more pleasurable, yes?

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I'm sorry for your pain and struggle. :) There will come a time when you can look at those photos and not feel such pain.

What do you do to ease your inner pain and anxiety?

What comforts you, gives you pleasure? Soft, soothing music helps me with my anxiety. Bathing in everything that is beautiful to me helps to calm me. Scenic videos, writing poetry...Everyone is different, though.

We're listening, Jenna. How can we best support you in this?

Sometimes one has to feel the place they are in, sit with it, and accept the comfort of others before one can move forward. We can share our humanity and this can offer us the strength to push forward. Sometimes life's events can be painful. I don't think we can deny this. The idea is to know that the pain eases, in time, and there is always hope.

Take gentle care, Jenna.

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oh my,

I don't choose to embrace envisaging myself as a 'lost puppy,' requiring comforting.

I just don't see the usefulness.

Yes, comforting can be pleasurable, and I think we're all about aiming to be supportive.

But why do we imagine joining another in their state is helpful?

Yes, I can imagine all of us have felt like confused lost puppies from time to time,

but then we did something else, and changed that feeling to something more pleasurable, yes?

I'm not asking anyone to join me in "state". I'm looking for possible solutions to helping myself slowly but surely drag myself out of the depression mode and out of anxiety over drive. Some ideas of things other's do as a hobby that help them to escape this state a bit and gradually strengthen themselves enough to live a productive life.

For example, my dad starting a new hobby. It has helped him tremendously with both his anxiety and depression- as well as his grief over the death of my brother two months ago. But when your income is limited and no money can be spent on a hobby, and it has to be something that I can do with my children ages 8 and 1. That narrows it down a bunch. I just thought others may have some creative ideas.

As I have stated before in some of my posts, I agree that anti depressants and anxiety meds HELP a little, but I believe the only way to recover, not completely, is to do it yourself by setting your mind to it and digging for what problems lie within and learning how to cope.

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