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Why is the sky purple ? Searching for me


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Defining ourselves by what we do can be a trap. We are human beings, not human doings as someone once said.

You have always been worth it, Sue. You are a wonderful being! :(

The roles we perform in are important, but they cannot define us entirely thank goodness.

If you need some new roles to try out, are you still interested in taking some classes?

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Sorry that I don't have anything really profound to offer. I think that deep down you know who Sue is, you just gotta do a little digging. I just don't see it possible that you and I could realistically be that much alike. I still don't know who I am. I think it is because I enjoy so much living the vicarious life through my friends.

That way, I am not taking the risks myself and can still tell many kinds of true stories about what my friends have done, like I was right there doing it with them even if in reality I wasn't.

Sue is one of the most thoughtful, caring people I know!! That is who I think Sue is. That is only a little bitty part, though. You can do it, Sue, I believe in you!

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I don't know, sue. Maybe consider what the momma in you can do, if not raise children, as an outlet for all the care you have to give? I know you used to be a nurse, and I remember a few months back you mentioning wanting to get back into that or take classes or something. Maybe that would be a start?

I know you also like painting. Maybe there is something you could do with that too? Sell your paintings, become a famous artist, travel to Africa?

You are a very worthwhile person, and maybe for you a happy loving family is built out of the people you touch and the friendships you make.

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Sue, who you are comes through every day on this site (and no doubt elsewhere too, but I don't get to see that). You are kind, loving, giving...you give everything and everyone your whole heart, which is a pretty rare thing, and very special. :)

What you choose to do with who you are is a different question. A tougher question, I know. I happened to read an article the other day about someone asking a similar question, and drawing a blank. She ended up asking herself what was the simplest, smallest thing she could plan to do, right that second, that would bring her happiness. She came up with something (I think it was something like making a necklace. Whatever.) She made herself a list of what she would have to do to complete that thing. She went and did it. Then she moved on to thinking about something a little bigger, and how to do that, and so on. I guess the point was that sometimes trying to figure out what we want to do -- the big picture version of that -- is too daunting, and we have to start very, very small.

Don't know if that helps much, but maybe even thinking of one tiny thing you'd like to do might start the ball rolling...:)

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Maybe if you slow down and truly look, you can see without having to search. That means being very aware of yourself.

What brings you joy? What nourishes you?

I think pseud had some good ideas. The parts of yourself that connect with being a mother will always be a part of you. You're caring and nurturing. How can you embrace your strengths?

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There's a lot of insight in what you wrote, Sue -- though I absolutely agree that you do not add up to a "forgetful angry artistic weirdo." [btw, I forget the basics about myself quite often, too. I had a particularly great moment a couple of years ago in a customs line. The agent asked me where I was born. I just stared blankly at him for the longest time, unable to bring my place of birth to mind and wondering if I would be arrested as a terrorist :D]

Artistic, love animals, care for people...these are all things that you can build a life on. Being "childish" can be a great asset -- I think too many of us "grow up" too much and suck the joy out of our own lives by doing so.

And as for not caring about yourself, and refusing to allow your anger...those are things you can work on and learn to do differently.

I see great potential in what you came up with today, Sue. :)

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I know that I enjoy painting, and I love animals - even managed to work out, that I care about most people, to various degrees everyone. Everyone except for myself.

Working on caring about yourself would be a good place to start.

Sue, what do you connect with in yourself when you're painting? What part of yourself are you expressing? What do you feel? Why do you love animals? What do they bring out in you? What parts of you care about others? What do you connect with inside when you love and care?

Just some things to think about.

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I don't know, but maybe it would help you to hear my "who am I" list ...

I care about people. I know that and value it.

I'm not just a brain. That's mostly a reminder to myself, because I spent decades enslaved by my thought processes, and there's far more to life ...

I tend to reward myself with food.

I'm comfortable with my age, but I do regret the lost time.

I too have difficulty with anger, though some would say (have said) that I let it out too much rather than too little. But what do they know? ;-)

So, one summary could be that I'm an angry, old, caring, closet-intuitive with regrets.

But there's no reason I have to choose that particular summary.

I'm Mark, and this is me. Not my name or where I was born. This body, this intelligence, this feeling being right here; that's me.

I'm vastly more than the sum of everything I've done, of everything that's been done to me. I have to be! I'm me.

Don't get me wrong: I have lots of flaws. They're me, too. But I'm this unique container of humanity right here, and I'm connected to all of y'all the same way you're connected to me: you're human too.

Sorry. That's just what comes to mind when I think of this particular identity ... and the fact that at one point, I considered destroying it.

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