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Multiple personnality disorder?


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I am 18 years old, and i didn't have a very easy life up to this point. When i was 11, my grandmother got diagnosed with a terminal disease. Growing up, i suffered a lot of social rejection in high school, and i feel like that's just the tip of the iceberg but i don't want to make this too long like my other thread.

For what seems like a very long time now, my self-esteem and my confidence have been abysmally low. I feel like crap about myself, and i feel like my entire life is a continuity of failures and embarassments.

After some time, i got so fed up of feeling like this, and being like this, that i started to imagine a brand new person, that i would become. This person wouldn't suffer from any of the problems that i went through, he would be perfectly normal. And then, i started attributing idealistic values to this person, like "always helping out others" or "always respecting other people no matter who they are". I like to call this person Matt.

When i made a complete picture inside of my mind of the kind of person Matt is supposed to be, i would pick a random date on the calendar that would "feel right", and say to myself, that on that day I will BECOME Matt. And i would completely forget my past, forget all of my troubles and failures, and adopt the values that i assigned to Matt, and become a much better person.

Just writing this i feel like its absolutely crazy. But i really believed in all of this stuff, and i still do. I know that a lot of teenagers struggle with finding their identity, but i feel like i'm pushing it WAY too far. Is it just my hormones acting up, or is there really something wrong with me?

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