SweetSue Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 Well if it is reasurance you are seeking, how can I/we reasure you of your past actions ?You know there are a couple of really good books, that can help with teaching you how to cope with guilt - Is that something you would be interested in ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 I don't know how I can be reassured though, I read so many article on the web stating that my behavior was pathological due to the age difference... I'm kinda lost and don't know who to trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 If you are unsure who to trust, wouldnt that be a good time to get in touch with your therapist ?You seem to avoid answering questions that could be helpful to you, ofcourse that is your right - however I am now wondering why........Are you still in touch with your therapist ?Are you interested in reading to help you, to learn new ways of coping with the guilt you feel ?Do you feel that reading articals on the net, that heighten your sense of anxiety are productive in helping you ?Gosh Im sorry thats like loads of questions - oops Take care CA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 Are you still in touch with your therapist ?Yes, I'm seeing her 2 times a week, plus another therapist.Are you interested in reading to help you, to learn new ways of coping with the guilt you feel ?Problem is I feel I don't deserve to cope with the guilt...Do you feel that reading articals on the net, that heighten your sense of anxiety are productive in helping you ?Nope they are counter productive, but it's a compulsion...Take care CA Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 Aww CA,Hun your therapist has already said that the behaviour you had as a child was not in anyway wrong. And that infact, it is just part of some of the things some kids may experience whilst growing up. Im sure that is what you have told me over the past few months.Ofcourse you deserve to cope with the guilt you feel. Its entirely possible that it is misplaced guilt after all. Why are you so intent on making your life so miserable for you ?What makes you feel you need to suffer, and deserve no better ?Im sorry you are compelled to search out things to make you feel bad/guilty/anxious on the net Is there anything I/we can do to help ?Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 It's mainly because I find it hard to label it as childhood experimentation since I was a teen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 hun you were 14 - still a child yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 Yep, I think that, since I've been reassured about my behaviors, now I'm worried and distressed by the thoughts of "confessing" to my relatives and the "What if" thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 .... and so your cycle continues :oCA, Ive sat with you through many of your cycles, is there anything different we can try today ? You know to try break up your cycle a little.If not - Im willing to sit with you through this whilst you work things through.Ok assuming you want to continue along this path.......How would a confession go ?And who would you confess too ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 Hi , sorry need to vent, I'm currently having a panic attack because I read this :http://www.queendom.com/advices/advice.htm?advice=15And it's exactly one of the thing I've done in my past...Please clarify something: Is this something you did, or had done to you? IOW, who do you think you were like in that anecdote, the teen or the child?In any event, I was disappointed in the answer given at your link in that the social worker who responded did not even consider the possibility that this may have been a false, recovered memory, as may yours as well. That is certainly a possibility that needs to be considered, and something for one at increased risk in someone with OCD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 It was something I did I was the teen !Even if I'm not sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 How are you feeling today CA - any calmer hun ? Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 Hi,I'm still distressed by the age difference because of some article written by proffesionals stating that beyond 5 years pf age difference then it's not normal childhood experiment... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 CA,Just because some people are given the title of 'professional' - it does not make them the authority, on what is or is not a normal childhood experiment.You have to take into consideration, that some people are good at the job they do - and some just arent.Why listen to a professional that doesnt know 'you', or is not helping you.Try and trust in your therapists, and people that know you. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 Should I tell my girlfriend about the kiss I made on thé lips of my 3y/o cousin when I was 12 ??? I really feel like a child molester... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 I'm still distressed by the age difference because of some article written by proffesionals stating that beyond 5 years pf age difference then it's not normal childhood experiment...Labels are meaningless. I've had my own struggle with searching for labels, and I've realized that you just can't put too much emphasis on them. You know what? I QUALIFY as a pedophile, and I certainly exhibit those thought patterns, but that doesn't mean that I AM one. My therapist certainly doesn't think I'm one. Just because you may qualify, it doesn't mean you are.Should I tell my girlfriend about the kiss I made on thé lips of my 3y/o cousin when I was 12 ??? I really feel like a child molester...Now, according to this information, you don't even qualify to be a pedophile. To qualify, you must be at least 16 years of age. But once again, qualification doesn't mean that you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Yes, what you (think you) did was inappropriate, but it's not the end of the world. You don't know for a fact that these events happened, and you also don't know your age at which they may have occurred. You're just cotastrophizing.Just like you, I partook in extremely inappropriate sexual behavior when I was younger. While it was my fault, I was not of the age that I understood the consequences of my actions. None of my past actions changed anyone's lives, and neither did yours. You realized that what you were doing was wrong, you felt terribly about it, you stopped, and now, your punishing yourself with obsessional thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 But my therapists told me it was not inappropriate. Now I'm panicking... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 I mean, they told me it was normal teenage behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Forget the idiotic labels. It's like saying that if you qualify, you automatically are a pedophile. Don't you see the flawed logic in that? If I were to qualify to receive a scholarship somewhere, it doesn't mean that I'd definitely be picked.What exactly is "normal" behavior? No, most kids don't go doing what you may have done. However, all kids are very sexually curious, and most have sexual education of some sort. The fact that you committed some victimless "crimes" when you were young doesn't mean you're a bad person or a pedophile. You were sexually curious. Anyone telling you otherwise is uninformed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainanxious Posted August 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 That's not what my therapist told me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 What did your therapist tell you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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