going to SI

[Pseudonym]

First I would like to say I'm sorry it took so long to respond. I had to take time to properly prepare a response. What you're going is particularly difficult. And Honestly, outside of my emotional disconnection and some of my drug history, I do not have a lot of experience with dissociation. So spoke to somebody who does.

My significant other suffers a lot of the things that you have spoken to suffer, she was a former cutter. When she had told me of this, she said that she did it to FEEL something, to feel like she was there. She suffered a lot of her adolescence in dissociation and apathy. When I asked her how did she stop, she responded, "I just started concentrating on the things that MADE me feel, the things that were good." She has since been able to better manage herself. She still suffers from anxiety induced dissociation, but she no longer cuts herself, I check her.

The fact is that in everyone's life there is something that makes it worth living, worth feeling. In my life it is my family, my friends, my lover, and my cat. In her life, she described many of the same things. You have spoken of a son. This sounds like some place to start. He seems to help you, and I suggest that you concentrate on him, because if I know anything about the parental relationship is that they more THAN ANYTHING make life worth feeling. Make life worth living.

I do not mean to imply that these acts are suicidal. I know they are not, but it IS the same things that make life worth living, that make it good, and that help in times in which we need them. I say if you can let them help. I know it is easier said than done, but any road to recovery is not easy. It comes with road blocks and bumps, and it is not always simple to stay on. But I'm sure you can.

I hope that I have been of help. I will try to be as much help as possible.

- Anonymous

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Mscat,

The problem is that self injury is not healthy coping. In fact, it's not coping at all. The idea is to find healthy ways to find inner peace: meditation, yoga, listening to soft music, exercise, etc, Our self help section has lots of information on this.

Yes, you have your 15 year old son and that is an excellent reason to stay alive. There are lots of other reasons, too, and each of us must find those reasons: find meaning in our lives.

I am not clear on why you had to stop teaching. Can you explain again: it's probably just me. Please help me out? It sounded as though you are a great teacher and love it. What happened and can you go back to it??

Allan:)

[mscat]

Yes, i did love teaching the issue was about not getting along with my co-workers, and conflicts arose all too frrequently. The last ones were with the boss, and those never end out well... Anther issue is that I n ow am unable to tolerate noise, and chaos. I need it to be dark, and quiet in order for peace. Little ones screaming, is something I am unable to handle as of now. That may all change , but for now, there is no way i'd be able to cope with A job.

Everyday is work, and everyday brings on A fight not to SI and trrying to remain "alive' without self injury. A enormous chalenge for one whose is at times in pieces , and the unreality hits hard.

Yes thank you, Psuedonym. GEEZ , now i had to look how to spell u correctly, lol. you have understood and been very close to fuguring out why I do what I do , and it helps so much to know that . Your girlfriend was fortunante to be with you, because that would be a very hard thing to deal with as A BF.

Sometimes, an act of SI does not have to do with Diss. I think about it, plan it, and make sure my kid and puppy are taken care of. Sometimes, it is a matter of plainly wanting to feel better~ Feeling better and happy, staying real , and conncting to oneslf should not be so much damn work!

Yes, I have A teenaged son , he is gone the majority of the day. In an SDC class due to his disabilites.

YES, when I am alone, the fight is on, NOT to Self injure. Alone= out of control, loss of self, and the freight train coming on fast... not to pick me up, to "get me" I feel it coming on, the freight train that won't stop until I make it stop....

It is here and their is /will be an incident , tomorrow am, to calm the inner self, and to stop the thoughts... Sometimes not making any sense , to get it all back under control, and have peace.

YES, it is always A risk, playing with items that cause severe burns, I've contracted a staph infection already from the bUrn ward, they have to all gown up, so then it is like i have some kind of deadly something, and A alien . I am serious... I can't remember what that infection is called , though. But, I have had it. :eek: Not my fault either ...

Yes, very well aware that the risks of actually dying from the crap I do, accidently , is a real possiblity , then why the hell doesn't it stop? So confusing , and it certainly does not make sense. Yes, such as something that the mind has /does to me. Not making sense, being disconnected, and "out of it" somewhere else, allowing the thoughts take over..... What is not real should not be, and what is real is lost.

[JustTrying]

I cut to keep from taking an overdose etc.. but the way you talk about cutting is the way I feel about alcohol... not good .. but hey... I am not making sense never mind....

JT ( AKA gabby)

[mscat]

I cut to keep from taking an overdose etc.. but the way you talk about cutting is the way I feel about alcohol... not good .. but hey... I am not making sense never mind....

JT ( AKA gabby)

Yes, you made sense . SI is sometimes called an addiction . Much like Alcohol, or anything else.

[Pseudonym]

Again, I'm sorry it took so look to post, I was trying to figure the best way to respond. However there is no correct way to respond. I'm sorry, I am an honest person, and the fact is that with any coping mechanism, especially when it has become an addiction, you are never with out it. The fact is the urge WILL haunt you, and it won't go away. There is an old adage, once an addict, always an addict. We are constantly followed by the voices of our addiction. Sometimes the voices are a slight whisper, and sometimes they boom with the intensity of bombs.

The fact is you will always feel like this, but with time the feelings will spread. The longer you go without it, the easier it becomes to ignore it. There is no easy solution, I'm sorry but that's the fact, it is a long and difficult road. However, that also leads to a better place. A place in which the addiction becomes second to life. Just follow the road and do not deter, because once you do, you end up right at the beginning.

I believe that you can do this, and you can stop it. But only you can refuse to give in to these beckoning voices, and no can force you do it. You have told us everything about this, this is the first step to recovery, admitting you have a problem. I do not believe in the 12 steps so I will not ask you to admit their's a higher power and then submit your freewill to it. I will say the best course of action is to admit that you are in control of your actions, and make steps to control them from there.

I hope I have been of help.

- Anonymous

[mscat]

Yes, you have helped , thank you. A psych intern suggested DBT to my therapist , and i might just go ahead and see what that is all about. Frankly, after this last major SI I am scared and frightened abut the behavior.