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Heated discussion last night.....question restated


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Have you and your wife turned adversarial then instead of being partners. Part of marriage is that you have someone to help you out when you are low. My relationship is much shorter than yours, only about 5 1/2 years versus your 25, but I think we have both helped each other with our confidence issues. I don't want him feeling down, and he doesn't want me feeling down. Everyone has things about themselves that they wish they could change, and it's sad your partner didn't realize how deep your issues truly go. Instead of reassuring you, it sounds like you were blown off. I am sorry this has troubled you so much, and I hope you can find some type of peace with one another.

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Personally, as others have said, best to request the nurse leave the room. Sure the doctor will tell the nurse as soon as thier alone again anyway, but you wont have the humiliation of her seeing it with her own eyes, at least its one less witness.

Being aware that your wife has likely told everyone you are small, how does that make you feel? humiliated i'd guess. Its this part that there is no cure for.

We can use CBT to change our own thoughts about ourselves, but it does nothing about our womens thoughts. Knowing they know, and therefore likely everybody else knows, is the bit I cant find a solution to.

Any small man who engages in sex has to be able to deal with humiliation. with humiliation we can only choose to ignore it, or fight it. Either way means confrontational social interaction, which is probably one of the reasons so many of us choose isolation.

I think I've found another Doctor, this situation with Dee won't be a problem anymore. Nearlydead, I have to admit I've done more thinking the last few days than in a long time.

No, I have to admit it really doesn't bother me much that other women know I'm small. I haven't had SPS very long. This has never been about my size except for the fact I can't satisfy my wife. It does bother me that she shares so much with her friends. I've always been a private kind of guy. It'd bother me just as much if she was discussing our finaces with them.

Honestly, really if I was satisfying her every 4th or 5th time I wouldn't even think about my size.

I'm a one woman man. It's ingrained into me. I've never cared about being nude in front of other guys. There's just no concern or embarrassment for me there. Even if they're clothed and I'm not (like a doctor) I don't care.

I'm not going to cheat, but I'm very concerned about being nude in front of other women......why? I'm not going to have sex with them. It's dumb that I even care about other women seeing me nude.

It sounds strange, but if I imagine a situation where Dee (the nurse) is also nude in the exam room I feel better about the situation. It's like if we're both nude we're equals, on the same level. I tell you, a shrink would have a field day with me.

Have you and your wife turned adversarial then instead of being partners. Part of marriage is that you have someone to help you out when you are low. My relationship is much shorter than yours, only about 5 1/2 years versus your 25, but I think we have both helped each other with our confidence issues. I don't want him feeling down, and he doesn't want me feeling down. Everyone has things about themselves that they wish they could change, and it's sad your partner didn't realize how deep your issues truly go. Instead of reassuring you, it sounds like you were blown off. I am sorry this has troubled you so much, and I hope you can find some type of peace with one another.

No, we're not adversarial. We still treat each other very well. I'm not depressed, I don't mope around any. When I had my heart attack she was right there for me. Imagine a smoothly running marriage then just cut the sex right out of the middle of it. We're what you have left.

The heated discussion we had a couple weeks back was the first time we'd raised our voices in years.

I guess I didn't realize how important pleasing her was to my sense of self worth. Like I've said before a man wants to be his wifes 'white knight', her best. If I'd have known I'd be in last place permanantly, there wouldn't have been a first date.

I don't know if "blown off" is the right way to put it. I think she kept giving me what she thought I needed instead of listening to what I kept telling her I needed.

John

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M once posted here that I am only humiliated by others ridicule because I buy into what they are saying emotionally. I have a small penis, society and aquantances say a small penis is a bad thing, therefore my penis is a bad thing and therefore something to be ashamed of.

For you not to be humiliated by others knowledge therefore suggests that you don really believe you are small, or am I missing something? Do you have a small penis or just SPS?

If you are properly deformed, why does it not bother you that others know. Im asking because small men (<5") must find a way of living with ridicule if they are sexually active.

I'd like to know what thoughts or mindset must a man with a small penis adopt to be able to accept ridicule and not let it impact his self esteem.

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Just under 4.5 long, just under 4 girth. Yes I'm small. If others don't like it, 'F' em. They can take a kiss at my sweet a$$.

Look, I didn't sleep around a lot at all. Really, if you know you're not going to hit on a girl, why worry about your size? She's not going to see. When your pants are up, when you're covered you're as good as any other man. I loved to go to partys, cookouts and such. I talked to the ladies and was just myself.

It's always been about my wife and what it takes to please her in bed. That's where my SPS comes in.

I had an early puberty. I got as big as I was going to get young. I ran track, wrestled and boxed in the P.A.L. in Jr high and high school.

I don't care what other guys think. If those other two guys she slept with ever had any 'small' comments they never said them to my face.

John

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I was outed as a confirmed small by the first girl I had a sexual expierence with, she told everyone of my friends, most of whom had an idea I was small anyway. I was 16 with history before then.

Becuase of the ribbing, I decided I would become the best in my group at picking up and then fucking women, and I was successful (50+) I know even with my small penis I can satisfy a woman and have great sex, but unfortunately on two other occasions I have been outed as small by women I have slept with, then it starts.

its all pointless anyway, I dont believe there is any scenario possible in which I could be happy with life.

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nearlydead, it sounds like you accomplished exactly what you set out to do. You said you've shown 50+ ladies a good time, why worry about what 2 or 3 women had to say?

It doesn't sound like your small penis had hampered you or cramped your style at all. There are a lot of guys who would have loved to had that many encounters.

John

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Once outed to my friends by women, the humiliating comments started, which became a reguular daily activity. I have walked out on three social circles because I cannot handle the abuse.

Its the shame of knowing that women (or at least some women) think my penis is pathetic that hurts, feeding my own hatred of the thing, it looks and feels pathetic to me. Everytime I have been in a sexual situation, the first time the women see or touch my penis, I get an overwhelming feeling of shame, fear etc.

The fear that they will think it is pathetic, and the fear of what happens when they decide to talk or tell others about it. Some do, some dont, its russian roulette. Even choosing women carefully is no protection. Every woman a small man sleeps with becomes a smoking gun or time bomb for life. Just knowing they have the knowledge is enough. I will be the "small penis" story of every woman I have ever slept with, or will sleep with.

The only cure is for me to ignore the fact I am small and lead my life as if I had a normal penis. People will talk about my penis either laughing, ridiculing or sympathising about it to my face and behind my back, and I have to be able to think "so what"

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It sounds like you guys need different friends. Or maybe if you just whip one persons ass who's insulted you the rest might get the message that you're not just quite as easy going as the rest of them think.

A friend, a real friend wouldn't give a rats butt about how big you are down there.

John

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The "they're not worth it" argument doest wash. I beaten and abused people for saying things in the past, and I've been in prison twice for voilence. I was a known football thug in the 80's.

Building new social circles is hard work, as you have to lie about your previous life, and remember those lies so as not to get caught out. But as soon as you have sex, you are open to being outed within that circle.

Im in my 12/13th year off living as a recluse, at the age of 47 i dont feel like starting a life again, I never got much out of it so far, and with a waning libido, middleaged man with no freinds, family, career or assets, I dont think I can ever be happy.

suicide is the only real option for peace, but my mother if healthy and likely to live for another 20 years or so, and I cant bring myself to kill myself because of the pain it would cause her. I've planned suicide, reheasred it, got my affairs in order, but never gone throught with it. but it is the cure for me.

The effort required to get my life in order, is just not worth the potentail rewards this late in life, especially as there is always the spectre of being outed again anyway. Cancer, heart attack, traffic accident these are by dream answers.

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