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I worry if he´s an obsessive man


sadgreeneyes
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In January I worked at the same place as this man, he seemed to be nice to everyone, he was outgoing and always smiling to people, we went to the bus stop together ( sometimes someone else too from work together with us) as we all took the bus home from work, same direction.

I was one day naive and thought it was possible having male friend, well I didnt want at first, I didnt want to go with him to his home, but it was ok for me to be friends, like having coffee in town sometimes, I only wanted to go home and eat because I was hungry, he nagged and said I could eat there, he didnt know many and wanted friends, so I felt little bad so I agreed to go with him and visit him. He was nice at first, but ended up trying to sexually assault me, but didnt rape me. He lost his job as I happen to tell a woman at work whom I could trust, I stopped working there as well, not because of him, but because I had an emotional breakdown because of my angry work leader. I was also glad stop working there because I was afraid this man would wait for me somewhere and be angry. Because from that day after the visit he sent me disturbing messages, like he loved me and called me baby. I remember I was thinking something is wrong with him. It was weird. I thought it would stop. And it did after I told the woman at work what happen. He knew from day one I was married. I told him clearly only to be friends.

Ok, so I deleted his number as the woman at work was worried about me and my safety and for the other co-workers safety, so he got fired.

I felt bad for this happening, it wasnt my intention to get him fired. One of the reason they had to fired him is that I think the company leaders know this mans background, as this man himself show me at his home his papers that he is protected by our country and can not be sent back or he would be killed, he was a military captain in Iran, his father was something too in the military there ) ,he may have done cruel things or something I dont know.

The woman at work took me to the police station to report him, but as I already knew they couldnt do anything as long as he didnt rape me and I didnt try to leave with once or screaming, I didnt know what the man was thinking but I said I had to go, and he let me after going with me to the bus station. I was afraid he would click or something when I said I wanted to go. He even went to the bathroom for 10 minutes and yet checking if I sat on my place not leaving, he was yelling from the bathroom.

The police had told the woman at work that if he ever come to my door I must not open and I must immediately call the police. This means something must be very dangerous about him. He has tried once again to make me visit him, but never again.

I was thinking if so is he must be dangerous and of course I should know, but I have my whole life been a caregiver, not putting myself first and dont always see the seriousness in bad things like healthy people would do, this is my problem and I need to get therapy for this.

Several months did go by, and about 2 months ago I was in a shop in town and he just stood in front of me, I felt uncomfortable I made him lose his job, so I did go and apologized, I know its crazy after what he did to me. But I did and suddenly I found myself saying ok he could have my number again then. I was at this time very wounded by my exhusbands divorce and very vulnerable. He seemed normal again, but no. The same day after I left that shop it started again with the same disturbing messages, he writes inappropriate messages saying hi flower, princess, you nice sweet kind lady, how are you doing then? with a wink smiley, this message was sent every day for three days and one day it was added he missed me and could he see me before going to north sea to work.

I could feel I got annoyed and angry, and I didnt respond two of the times as I had just the night before said I am fine.I could not even wake up next morning before he had text same how I´m doing and flower and princess, it is not normal. He also think that I will marry him if my husband leaves me, this was created in his own mind when I visited him, and he still say did I know he still waits for me.

Once again I had to tell him we are just friends, he say yes he knows, still he continued with the inappropriate messages.

Two days ago I had have enough and sms him if we should be friends I had to ask him to stop writing such messages.

This is very disturbing and I am not sure if he is mature enough to understand my messages this has to stop. I have told him once before to stop nag on me and he responded with a "soory".

Now two three days ago he did the same, luckily he didnt get to meet me before going to north see, I ma so happy about I didnt let him, knew he would sure go to north sea on friday, I think he has because I havent heard anything more.

But I know I will when he is back and I have to decide to see will he learn that friends means friends, because I cannot be friends with someone who seems to be delusional or crazy.

I worry for me, should I think now to ignore his txt forever or see if he can understand. I worry this man maybe be delusional so he becomes more and more obsessive if he get responds, even it is normal friend responds.

I also know how can I be wanting to be nice/friend with someone who tried to assault me. I feel I am at fault as I did go visit him, but he dint have right to do what he did. I am in need of lot of therapy to "feel" the healthy feelings I should feel. To not feel bad or sorry for him in any way, To know what he did was very bad and that I must learn to know that people who commit crimes know what they do. To know that they must know they did wrong.

Sorry my post got so long.

Any thoughs?

I would think this person may be an obsessive man? and I have read they need to be taken serious as they can become dangerous.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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i have two thoughts:

He's lonely. i've been there he just wants to connect.

and your fucking crazy to give him your number again. ive been where he is. dont talk to him, dont speak to him, dont even LOOK at him. and dont give him your number! the second you give this kind of person ANY friendly attention, they will cling onto every last bit and want to be with the only friendly woman to them. I've been there and done this as well.

maybe he will find someone that returns it, but until then, he's pretty much a "stalker with a crush". Tell him you can't be his friend anymore and never will again, and that you are removing his number and blocking it, and that if he ever goes near you again you will call the cops.

Tell him if you have to it is because he is obsessive and it upsets you IF YOU HAVE TO. Keep a family member with you for a couple of days after you tell him this. better safe than sorry, as some people can get unpredictable.

AND UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ACCUSE HIM OF POTENTIALLY BEING VIOLENT OR CRAZY. it would only worsen it.

Also, text it all to him instead of on the phone if possible. dont tell him in person, he might take it harder that way. if you text him he can't react you you instantly, and that will help.

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Hi Darkness,

I think that is the best too, to not respond anymore because he doesnt seem to understand what he does is wrong. I know I shouldnt have given him my number again. I thought he would have learned a lesson, but I was wrong.

I am happy about getting therapy, got letter today from the hospital. This will be very good for me to get evaluated how they best can help me.

I think this person must be obsessive, I have never read much about stalkers except for the last weeks.

But this man seems to be a very disturbed individual.

After the last sms from him, exactly same sms night and morning, this made me realize he must be crazy.

I think he is just like you say and I will very surely follow your advice. Thanks Darkness.

And to add : Luckily he doesnt know my address ( unless he remember/still have my old phone number or last name and look me up ). I have now secret number and my address cannot be found in the telephone catalogue with this number. I also live in a crowded area ( many buildings and I dont live in first floor) this makes it more safe for me if he should know.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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