I need someone to help me figure things out.

[Filum]

A little while ago I was convinced that I was chosen to kill all humans. I believed that I was the champion of the Earth and the god residing within it, whose continued survival depended on the small portions of water I dedicate to him on a daily basis. I was depressed and angry and unfocused, the usual state of mind for me. Also because I want to die.

Right now I don't feel any more animosity towards humans than is normal. I'm even embarrassed at admitting all of the above. It doesn't make the same kind of sense as it did ten minutes ago and yesterday and the week before.

Putting it out there like this is a step forward, even if I'd rather take two steps back. It doesn't make sense when I'm logical and putting it on paper invites scrutiny, which will help more than keeping it inside where I can believe whatever I want.

[SweetSue]

Hi filum,

Well its a big step forward you have taken.

I dont know what to say really - just wanted to let you know were here and listening.

Keep writing your thoughts down if it helps.

[Moonstruck]

So, humans eh? and you are?

EDIT: not being condescending, just wondering is all.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi Filum,

it's difficult to make sense of people when you can't quite relate to them. Are you less angry and depressed now that you don't feel that animosity anymore? Is it the change you need help figuring out or something else we can maybe help you with? I hope you can find some relief.

Take care.

[Darkness]

schizophrenia imo.

if the delusions are about killing people... it might be best to get help while your still sane.

Anywho! if your not schizophrenic you won't need medication, and then that means you just went loopy.

[Filum]

I'm not angry. Frustrated, yes, with my inability to keep these fucking things to myself. I came here to "confess" the cannibalistic parts of my desires, not every fucking detail. I should have known when you started asking questions instead of just offering understanding like I wanted. I wouldn't have come here at all if I knew it was going to be another fucking test all the time.

I'm done. Lesson learned, even if you were an asshole about it.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi Filum,

I'm sorry if my questions frustrated you. I asked them to better understand you and what you need. They are not a test, there's no wrong answers, and you don't have to answer them.

Also, I just realised that part of my post was ambiguous. I meant that I remember you find it difficult to relate to people and saw that you said you can't make sense of them. I had wondered if this was connected somehow.

Take care.

[Moonstruck]

I'm not angry. Frustrated, yes, with my inability to keep these fucking things to myself. I came here to "confess" the cannibalistic parts of my desires, not every fucking detail. I should have known when you started asking questions instead of just offering understanding like I wanted. I wouldn't have come here at all if I knew it was going to be another fucking test all the time.

I'm done. Lesson learned, even if you were an asshole about it.

I wasn't trying to be an asshole with the questions I asked!! I was simply asking cause my daughter says stuff like that all the time is all.

There are a ton of things I personally refuse to talk to anyone about cause I am very scared they with stick me in a happy hug me coat and lock me up. With that said, I can only understand to a point. I keep most of it all to myself.

Its easier to talk about things here on the internet. They don't know me here. How about you??