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Its not right to think like this, no?


sensitive_woman
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When friends or family tries to hook me up with someone or guys show interest in me... I just dont want to get into anything. I can't stop thinking about my ex despite all that happened. In fact I keep dreaming that He would whisk me away to a foreign land with just the two of us; away from his interfering mom. I'm divorced now so I shouldnt be thinking about him but I cant help it. Why is this happening? He still loves me but his abusive ways and wanting to be in control broke up our marriage in the first place. He wasnt always like this, its because his mom kept interfering in our marriage and complaining to him about me 24X7, that started the rift in the first place. He never agreed to live apart from his parents and then got into addictions and abusive. I cant help thinking if I had lived with him just the two of us apart from his parents in our home, Life could have been different. I shouldn't be thinking this.... But I cant stop myself. What do I do? What is best for me? Never to go back to him right? I cant move on... Thats the toughest part.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Sensitive,

Please remember, addiction is addiction and you can think all you want that "if only...," it would have been different. With addiction, there is no "if only." His mother may not have interfered and etc, but he would have become addicted because that problem is within him. The fact that he became abusive is also within him. It's common for all of us to look back and romanticize, even the times that were horrible. I don't know why we do this but we do it. Remember, it was horrible and you are better off now. Also, you deserve better than the treatment you got. That is key: YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Allan

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But Dr. What do I do if I cant move on? I cannot think of any other man the way I thought about my ex. I'm confused. I agree I deserve better as I did all I could to improve his ways and to save our marriage, but it was not meant to be. I would have adjusted to everything except physical abuse and his addictions. What should I do? Currently I'm so put off with men... I know its not right and if I need a better life, I have to accept what happened and move on. But my heart doesn't agree. I dont know I'm so confused.

I'm an independent woman yet, the thought of living alone is scary.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Sensitive,

I am not sure how long ago this break up happened but you must know that the aftermath is always filled with turmoil. It may be that you need to give yourself time to recover. It seems to me that you keep going over and over the whole thing and that is understandable. It may be that you need to just go through this period of turmoil before you are able to move on. Remember, you also feel very angry at him and at all men, (even me?:P)

PLease call me Allan and not "doctor.":)

Allan

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Hi Sensitive,

I am not sure how long ago this break up happened

Actually the physical separation has been since December 2009. The divorce in 2010.

but you must know that the aftermath is always filled with turmoil.

MAYBE

It may be that you need to give yourself time to recover.

HOW MUCH MORE TIME? ITS FRUSTRATING! THE MARRIAGE WAS FRUSTRATING AND NOW LIFE IS EVEN MORE FRUSTRATING!

It seems to me that you keep going over and over the whole thing and that is understandable.

REALLY IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE?? I'm FED UP OF MYSELF GOING OVER AND OVER THE WHOLE THING.

It may be that you need to just go through this period of turmoil before you are able to move on.

TO GET OVER HIM SHOULD I HAVE A FACE TO FACE FIGHT WITH HIM?

Remember, you also feel very angry at him and at all men, (even me?)

YA I'M ANGRY. I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THE PAST LIFE REGRESSION BULLSHIT THAT MANY FRIENDS TELL ME ABOUT.

Somehow I feel ashamed to admit it but you're right! I'm angry with ALL MEN!

Even the workplace guys who are well meaning and really nice. They just tick me off.... all of them. If they are nicer to me, it irritates the shit out of me. They may be just trying to be polite and nice or they may think I'm available now? I don't know but all this is one big unnerving event!

PLease call me Allan and not "doctor."

Allan ok.

Edited by sensitive_woman
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