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Moving on


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I am new to this site. I am trying to find answers to my problem and Im hoping there is someone out there who can tell me why I am the way I am. Im sorry if this is long winded but I need to explain my situation.

My ex boyfriend n I met 4 yrs ago and liked him instantly. We new each other for over a year before we started dating, and were together for over 2 years. Almost a year ago it ended really badly. But it didn't end there. Following our separation, I became obsessed in getting him back. I would send him messages, just random things trying to start conversations, it would almost be on impulse I just couldnt help it. He eventually changed his number. That put an end to r talking, I still wanted to talk to him I still dont understand why. Then a few months after that he contacted me again n we started talking again. I'd do most of the talking n some days hed talk back and others he wouldnt

I started to realise that my behaviour was not normal. I thought I loved him, now I know I dont and never did. I was, and still am, obsessed with him. I am addicted to getting a response from him. I love that high feeling you get when someone you like likes you back. I cant describe it. But then if he replies something nasty or doesnt reply at all, its utterly devastating. Also, when I knew that I had him I didnt even really want him, and even liked other guys! But when I knew I didnt have him and couldnt have him back I just became obsessed with him and getting that feeling again of him liking me.

I just cannot let him go. Even though I know deep in my heart that we are not right together and that I dont love him, I am still obsessed with him. It has taken over my life. I think of him morning, noon and night. It interferes with my job as Im often daydreaming about him. I cant let him go and Im scared. I have been like this before with another guy.

Whats wrong with me? I feel so depressed like theres a big void in my life and the only thing that would make me happy is him. But my logical self is telling me that this is nonsense. But I cant stop thinking and feeling like this. Please someone explain because my life is in pieces and I'm not sure what to do anymore

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  • 1 month later...

Some cognitive behavioral therapy could go a long way. It also sounds like there may be some codependency issues that are unresolved. Please don't take any offense to our advice - I've been there, I'm right there now suffering through a separation/divorce from my wife of nearly 20 years. I've been examining all my unresolved issues, trying to determine how and why I love this woman who has done me such harm. Why do I have such a strong desire to be with her still? As angry as I am, as hurt, I still just want her. But she wants her boyfriend - and it seems we get a kick out of wanting things that we can't or aren't supposed to have. And this typically goes back to past issues of security, control and abandonment. "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson helped me immensely. But any help you can get will be beneficial. this is a great first step. From here you can share and get advice. Hopefully you can get to the point that you are comfortable looking for more personal help, from a therapist or medical professional or in a group support setting. It's obviously interfering with "normal" living - so it needs to be addressed. Good luck.

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