trouble moving on

[skittlez]

I am new to this site. I am trying to find answers to my problem and Im hoping there is someone out there who can tell me why I am the way I am. Im sorry if this is long winded but I need to explain my situation.

My ex boyfriend n I met 4 yrs ago and liked him instantly. We new each other for over a year before we started dating, and were together for over 2 years. Almost a year ago it ended really badly. But it didn't end there. Following our separation, I became obsessed in getting him back. I would send him messages, just random things trying to start conversations, it would almost be on impulse I just couldnt help it. He eventually changed his number. That put an end to r talking, I still wanted to talk to him I still dont understand why. Then a few months after that he contacted me again n we started talking again. I'd do most of the talking n some days hed talk back and others he wouldnt

I started to realise that my behaviour was not normal. I thought I loved him, now I know I dont and never did. I was, and still am, obsessed with him. I am addicted to getting a response from him. I love that high feeling you get when someone you like likes you back. I cant describe it. But then if he replies something nasty or doesnt reply at all, its utterly devastating. Also, when I knew that I had him I didnt even really want him, and even liked other guys! But when I knew I didnt have him and couldnt have him back I just became obsessed with him and getting that feeling again of him liking me.

I just cannot let him go. Even though I know deep in my heart that we are not right together and that I dont love him, I am still obsessed with him. It has taken over my life. I think of him morning, noon and night. It interferes with my job as Im often daydreaming about him. I cant let him go and Im scared. I have been like this before with another guy.

Whats wrong with me? I feel so depressed like theres a big void in my life and the only thing that would make me happy is him. But my logical self is telling me that this is nonsense. But I cant stop thinking and feeling like this. Please someone explain because my life is in pieces and I'm not sure what to do anymore

[IrmaJean]

Hello, skittelz, and welcome to our community.

It sounds as though this situation is causing you a lot of distress. I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. I'm wondering how would you describe your relationship with yourself? What it is, do you think, that you think you will lose if you do let go?

Whats wrong with me? I feel so depressed like theres a big void in my life and the only thing that would make me happy is him. But my logical self is telling me that this is nonsense. But I cant stop thinking and feeling like this. Please someone explain because my life is in pieces and I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I hope you can start by being gentle and understanding with yourself. Maybe some other activities might help distract you from your thoughts, such as getting out and socializing with other friends. It's true that others can't "make" us happy. When it comes down to it, that's our job. I understand that isn't always easy, though. Have you ever spoken with anyone about your feelings in this? Feel free to keep expressing yourself here, if it is helpful.

Take care.