Guilt over past actions.

[AnxiousMale]

okay..i'm in therapy for anxiety, but have not brought this up with her yet. i have looked at things online that were inappropriate. i don't even want to say the word. underage stuff. and been doing it for years. maybe since i was 14, and i'm 26 now. it started out with looking up stuff on image search websites, but then got worse. you name it, i saw it. i feel terrible about this, and have been obsessing about it lately. it's teenagers, but i've accidentally seen younger. right now it's voyeur stuff, like locker rooms and showers, but i'm done. i feel terrible about this, and can't stop thinking about it. can anyone relate?

[IrmaJean]

Hello, anxious, and welcome to our community.

I understand it is very difficult for you, but I would encourage you to try to open up to your therapist about this. In therapy, you can address your feelings of guilt and she can work with you on breaking the habit. Have you considered what need this might be fulfilling?

I wish you wellness and healing.

[Musicman]

AnxiousMale, the good news is that you're clearly not a pedophile given that you don't seek out videos of children. The bad news, as I'm sure you're well aware, is that what you're viewing is still highly illegal, and you must stop viewing said material at all costs. I'm a pedophile who used to be addicted to CP, and I know how hard it can be. Having said that, I'm now over a year clean, and if you truly apply yourself, you can break your own addiction. It would probably be best to talk to your therapist about your issues.

[AnxiousMale]

thanks for replying, both of you. for whatever the reason, being a teenager and doing this seems more uh..forgivable, for lack of a better word. it's good you had the presence of mind to quit when you did. i've told therapists, and a priest before. what it comes down to is i don't feel redeemable..even though i stopped. i can't get back being a good person.