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Trying to learn to live...again...


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Just recently released from a crisis stabilization unit. Spent 10 days there trying to get my mind back, I was severely depressed and suicidal, the world in itself had become to much. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II and PTSD, and often times feel incurable. I have been taking my medications, seeing a psychologist, but am still feeling like I am losing the battle. I am no longer able to work due to mental illness and feel like I have lost everything and starting anew AGAIN. This isn't my first rodeo and probably won't be my last. As I get older I just feel I don't have the strength to fight anymore. I try to live one day at a time, and just focus on that, and try not to get too overwhelmed. Life is very difficult for me right now and am hoping I can find some support and understanding here.

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Hello, phreebird, welcome to our community! :) I hope you'll find here the support and understanding you need...

I'm sorry you have to go thru this all and so often :( . How many years have you already been struggling with bipolar and PTSD? Is your psychologist helping you at least with "processing" the trauma and finding some ways how to cope with your mood in every-day life? What kind of therapy have you been in?

Feel free to post more about yourself and to join other 'conversations'!

Take care!

L.

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Hi LaLa3,

Thank you for welcoming me, I was really glad I found this site and have spent some time reading other posts. I have been diagnosed for 17 years, been in and out of therapy many times, many psychiatrists over the years. I tend to go on and off medication. This time I have to stick with it, meds and therapy. I just started seeing my psychologist about 5 weeks ago, and I wasn't really stabilized enough to begin any true therapy. Am beginning to feel a bit more stabilized, but still feeling suicidal at times, so we talk about that a lot and why I feel that way, etc, trying to change thought patterns. With the trauma I just don't know where to begin, sometimes I am unsure if I will be able to allow myself to truly get the help I need. I keep going anyway, keep taking the meds, that's all i can for now.

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Hi phreebird and welcome the community :)

I myself was hospitalized last year so I know how you feel. Try not to skip taking your meds. Also, maybe your psychiatrist needs to adjust/change you meds if you still feeling depressed and suicidal.

Starting fresh is tough but there is always hope that things will change, right? :)

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I'm glad to see you're "at least" stabilized now :). If you're now on new meds, the suicidal feelings might be related to them: ADs sometimes cause temporary suicidal thoughts, but this is a side-effect that should disappear after some weeks.

Most importantly, you’re decided to stick with the meds and the therapy; that’s an important attitude! It’s very hard to be optimistic when depressed, but it’s important not to give up because of the pessimism that your illness caused/induced.

With the trauma I just don't know where to begin, sometimes I am unsure if I will be able to allow myself to truly get the help I need.

I imagine you mean that you feel unable to talk about the whole issue. To open yourself to your therapist. Is it so? I know from my own experience and from many others here that it’s very hard and needs much time, but also that it’s possible. Maybe opening up bit by bit here could be a start. Then maybe, for instance, taking your texts posted here to your therapist. Or you can just discuss here the reasons why you don’t feel like talking about the issue in therapy – and then tell the conclusions to the therapist. It’s up to you to find the way convenient for you :) .

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Hello, phreebird, and welcome to our community. :)

I'm so sorry you have been struggling. :( You are working hard on your emotional health and that is positive. It's good that you are openly talking with your therapist as well. Healing from trauma can be so tough. I hope you continue to work with your therapist and that you begin to feel better.

I wanted to say hello and offer my support. Take gentle care.

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Thank you IrmaJean, I am glad I found this site, I really need support from others who are going through or have been going through similar hard times. I've only been on for a few days, but already am feeling like I am not alone in this and am grateful for this site and all those that make it a positive place to visit and talk. I will put this :) as I feel like smiling today, despite the rain outside.

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