rage, anger acute crisis

[Barbara A]

Does borderline personality disorder include homicidal rages? All I ever read about is suicide. I had homicidal rages for years, long gone but now back.

For some reason, I now hate my best friend. She and I have been friends for years and now I just hate her and I don't know why. I am very angry and want to kill, carve myself up and die.

[IrmaJean]

Hi Barbara. I'm sorry you are feeling so distressed.

Is there someone there you can talk with about this? Do you have a therapist you can phone?

[devils daughter]

So sorry you’re having this difficulty, Barbara. I don’t have BPD but have/had PDNOS and have some commonalities with BPD.

I’ve been in therapy and last spring I started seeing how other people contributed to some difficult situations, it wasn’t just me.

But several years ago I started feeling hate for several of my female relatives. I didn’t like it, didn’t want to feel like that, felt I was a bad person for feeling that way but pushed forward trying to accept the feelings. And it is true, I had to accept the feelings before I could begin to see/accept/understand some social realities.

Turns out there were typically a lot of “silent” put-downs, etc., in our family interactions. I had turned off my awareness of that kind of thing in order function as a child. And, some of the anger and hatred I felt I had turned against myself – leading to depression, suicidal tendencies, etc.

Could your friend have activated some old, unresolved stuff from your childhood? I know from experience these kinds of things can feel very, very strong.

And I agree with IJ – do you have a good therapist or counselor whom you can talk to about this? It’s tough to get through. I’m not through it yet. But it really, really helps to have some folks who understand (at least a little).