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I feel I may be going insane!!!


dominiceb94
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Hi, I'm going to be 18 in the next 2 weeks and have been having these very preplexing feelings of anger, jealousy, hate and regret because of all three of these. I mean I like my life I got good parents good brothers and im the oldest I get to set the example what more could I ask for right? Well even with that in mind I still feel wrongful emotions towards my father, mother and younger brother because of height. My brother and father are both 6'4" and I'm barely 6ft. I can understand that my anger towards my brother is completly irrational because he had no idea he would be that tall and what could he do but I still feel angry towards him constantly and lately I have been losing my temper due to constant depression and saying horrible things to him, "Like theres no way we are brothers." things of that nature. This just overloads me with regret and lately Ive thought I should just kill myself and stop hurting them anymore. I constantly recent my mother now and am irritated by her even talking to me just because I blame her in my consicious for me being short. My father whom I look up to the most is not losing his appeal to me because I am even feeling jealousy towards him. Ever since I was little my parents assured me I would be over 6'3" like my father. They told me this until I was 13 and even said the doctors had placed me in the 95th percentile for height. I have opened up to both my parents about this and my dad even went as far as to keep telling me I'm not done growing and Ill end up like his brother who grew until he was 21, but the thing is I keep thinking hes lieing to be and just wants me to feel better and cant shake the thought. This just makes me feel even worse towards them all and I feel I might be going insane because the obsession with hiehgt has been hurting me for over 3 years now. I absolutley hate going in public with either 3 of them and feel I am doing all this damage to myself and thats why I think I going insane. Last night I told my brother I hate him because hes taller than me and that I always would, and the fucked up part about that is I think its true. I love all 3 of them but I cant stop thinking about it and I'm just hurting so badly and they all dont understand it.

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Hello, dominiceb, welcome :)!

It seems to me that your problem is related to the expectations that your parents used to present to you in your childhood: They "assured you that you would be over 6'3"" - and you obviously internalized this like something that has to be achieved. And now you're disappointed, upset... because you didn't meet the expectations. So I, subjectively, suppose that it's key to analyze your expectations and the reasons why you suppose that your hight is so important. Do you percieve it important also in others (except from your family)? What do you think that this parameter tells about people? ...

And also; is there anything else that might be (together with this problem) at the root of your anger and jealousy?

When you imagine that you would inherit a genetic disorder (and there is a plenty of them, many are lethal!), how does it make you feel? Are the genes you've inherited really as bad as your emotional reacions suggests?

Have you been bullied because of being short?

I hope that your feelings of "going insane" will soon calm down and you'll find a good rational approach to sucessfuly fight this complex. It might help to communicate here more about it. And I think that if your state will not ameliorate soon, it would be a good idea to get professional help. Have you ever considered seeing a counseor or therapist? It could help you to overcome this problem faster. The avoidance of help-seeking surely isn't worth the pain that your problem is bringing to you and your family...

Good luck and take care!

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  • 2 years later...

I am a 5'2 34 years old guy and I feel bad most of the time.. but I noticed that most people still like me. I am married with a 5 year old daughter. Even joined the army and got surrounded by 6 foot guys that looked like giants around me but I guess I brought color to their life since they love being around me coz Im short lol. Brother you are not short. You are perfect with your height. I always or sometimes blame my parents for not pushing me hard enough to when I was a kid to do sports etc but w/e.Your height is the envy of most guys bro. But as for me.. I maybe short but I have a spirit and heart of a giant and of course, God is my true giant who gives me strength bro. Peace

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  • 1 month later...

Hey man,

Hope you're feeling better. In my opinion, I think you've become a little obsessed with your height difference between you and your brother/father. Sometimes OCD manifests in strictly 'pure o' formats in which people can become fixated on something without apparent compulsions.

I'm only 5'8, maybe 5'9 on a good day. I'm trying to get hired as a firefighter and I would love to be 6' tall. Your height is perfect man. I know you compare yourself to your brother and father, but when you compare yourself to the population, I think you'll see just how tall you are.

Either way, height doesn't matter. What matters is who you are as a person and I do think on some level you're aware of this, which is why you came here. I think you're letting this obsession distort your true self. You clearly don't want to act this way to your family because it's not you. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's only natural for you to feel upset by this, but you know you truly don't want to take it out on your family.

It sucks that you didn't turn out as tall as you hoped, but you're a great height compared to everyone else and I hope you can see that. I also hope that you can see that letting this disappointment affect your relationship with your family isn't right, and I believe you can make peace with that and let go of your anger and disappointment.

All the best man, much love. You've got a great life ahead of you and a lot of people that love you I'm sure.

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