JaiJai Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 if anyone should happen to read this thread, ive deleted much of what i had originally wrote. I apologize if it causes confusion. I regret much of what i wrote, and i deleted due to my embarrassment of my shameful behaviour. If it were possible to delete the thread, i would have done so. ashleybaileyhi and tcvqyfeckdh 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 SPS - imagine if you were educated with real information rather than porn.That's quite the assumption you've made there. I watched the video. There isn't anything in it that I didn't already know. Believe it or not, some of us get our information from real sources and not from what we see in porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 your 3" dickI have plenty more than 3", thank goodness. Not sure where you got that number from, I've never posted my dimensions on the forum. But I'm glad you went there and used penis size to take a shot at me. It shows everyone here just how cruel women can be when it comes to the size thing. Maybe that will help the interested to understand why some of us wish we were dead. PS, I wouldn't be passing judgement on anyone on this forum if I were you. You're certainly in no position to do so considering the things you've posted about yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 jjjjjjjjjjjj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 I'm on my phone and already late...Can we keep it respectful, please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 I get the point of the video. I didn't appreciate the implication that men with size concerns are uneducated about what's considered normal size and that we only know what we've seen in porn. We're obsessed with the size thing, so we usually end up being pretty educated about it. It wouldn't matter if I accepted myself. The fact that no one else will accept me is the cause of my pain. Accepting yourself won't make someone else accept you if you have flaws that they deem unacceptable. They will still choose to accept or not accept those things regardless of whether or not you accept them yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 ---------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 you claim that some women don't care about size. so if one of those woman and yourself fell in love, why would it matter what every other woman in the world thought about big dicks?It wouldn't matter. All I'd need to know is that she is okay with me and I would be satisfied with that. Hers would be the only opinion that would matter to me. The few times I have had a girlfriend, the rest of the women in the world just sort of faded into the background.so obviously all of your value is not stored in your dick.I don't think that all of my value is stored in my dick. Not at all. There's more to me than a body part. The problem is, everything else about me doesn't have much value either. It's my own fault. I've made bad choices and it's left me with permanent shortcomings.people can smell your insecurity a mile away. and that is the least attractive quality of all.I have no doubt whatsoever about both of those things.he jokes all the time that he's 'hung like a squirrel'. he's not a big guyDo you know that for sure? Maybe he's just making a joke when he's really the opposite. if you cant like yourself...why would anyone else be invested in getting to know you anyway?Very true. But they wouldn't want to invest their time and energy in me even if I did like myself. It wouldn't take them long to see what an unacceptable partner in a relationship I would be. I can't even provide for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 well, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Well, I would like to suggest that we not pass judgment on any aspect of each other, at least not publicly. {I could wish to extend it to "any aspect of ourselves", too, but that would be asking even more ...}Even if you do think they're mistaken about something, there are all sorts of ways to get that point across.Frankly, beginning by insulting the other person doesn't even make objective sense, if the goal is to convince them of something, after that.So we're led to the likelihood that some other goal was operative? One which wasn't really served by pissing each other off? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 hello! self worth is about caring for yourself and liking yourself REGARDLESS of what others think. The cause of your pain is that you care what others accept about you.Jai, that's easier said than done and one of the reasons, I for one, am here on this forum. Trying to overcome years and years of thinking you are worthless. That's not achieved in a day.Take care of yourself, M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 ----------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 What you thought as a kid, that you were the one who perp’d the adult, or at least it was mutual – is what a kid thinks. There was NOBODY there to tell you differently. That’s an important part of sex education, too, that nobody helped you to learn.Acting out is another type of emotional pain avoidance, like numbing. Sex and (verbal) aggression – very powerful urges and emotions that take over and then you can’t feel the pain.My guess is that your pain is different from mine – but pain is pain is pain. And it has to be felt to be dissipated – no matter how long one tries to numb or distract oneself from it.We accept you here. Are you trying to prove we don’t? It will take a while to feel all the pain and get over it. We will be here. I sure wish you could learn to put the brakes on some of your grosser posts, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 --------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 How can a five year old "initiate sex"?What if you're fighting "what you are" with "what you've been"?But don't make me the fall guy, please. If you need to be somewhere else, you're grown up enough to make that decision for yourself.And you're grown up enough that if you need to be here (and you know you're welcome here), you can manage to stay within our rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 ---------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Jai, the adult was supposed to protect you. The adult was suppose to have boundaries. You were a little girl.When I told you I cared about you, I meant it. Saying "f off" won't change the fact that I do nor will it push me away. You mention feeling out of control. Maybe that reflects in some of your behaviors here too. I'm sorry that some of the adults in your life did not create healthy boundaries or limits for you. We have rules here that are like boundaries in some ways and they are meant to protect everyone. So if you (or anyone) breaks them in our opinion, we're going to say stop. Sometimes saying stop can show care too.I hope you can find a place to feel some compassion for that little girl. You are a member of this community and we care about you. I understand you're angry and hurt. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. Please don't push us away. We want to be here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Jai you are in a lot of pain, I can only imagine how much pain. What you went through is unforgivable. Please allow your hurt out, and admit to it. It wasn't your fault. None of it was. Puts my arms around you and holds you tight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted August 20, 2012 Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 fuck you guys. I know that feeling, or at least how I feel when I feel like I want to say that.I still feel that way about some stuff – you could call it resentment if you like. It hasn’t gotten “resolved”. Some things other people or did or said made me feel like shit. Well, intellectually we know that “they” could not “make” me feel anything. But whatever needs to happen in me so that I won’t “feel” like they “made” me still hasn’t finished happening yet. When it does maybe I can write posts in a way that feels more acceptable to you. Mine certainly wasn’t “perfect”.Would it have helped if I had put a smiley or wink at the end of my last post? To make clear that I was still accepting of you, just trying to provide some information about how I had responded to seeing some posts? Just in case you were interested? We are all different and I don’t think many people fit in entirely with everybody else in any particular situation. So in no way was I trying to reject YOU.How we get from feeling bad/rejected to feeling “OK— but my family still wasn’t there for me and it hurt a devastatingly lot” does not have a charted path that I have come across. Maybe we need one. Because I know that dealing with this stuff can feel overwhelmingly impossible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 ----------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted August 20, 2012 Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 How did the 5-year-old know what was in his pants, though? How did she know it got hard?And, yeah, the intoxication like you describe -- I didn't go over that line when I was 13. But I could have, maybe. Not going over the line had its consequences, too.I still say the adults had no business being involved with you, no matter what. On the other hand, does being with them have any effect on your behavior today, as opposed to just the kids near your own age? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 i knew Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 I’m so sorry. :( Still makes me sad to read about you treating yourself this way. Seems clear, I guess, that it’s an addiction circuit in your brain wiring? But then shaming yourself about that makes you feel bad, which calls for some addictive relief, which makes you feel bad, which . . . If you didn’t feel so bad about having the addiction then maybe you wouldn’t need so much relief?This place is a safer addictive substitute, if that’s it, so I hope you keep posting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 -------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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