JaiJai Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 ya...the trance....i can lose so much time in a trance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 been watching videos of this guy daniel mackler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thanks for sharing, Jai! I have to scoot and could only see part of it, but this is a good discussion video.I would just say that the stuff he is blaming parents for is existence pain, life is a challenge! And we don't often manage it so well.And yes, wouldn't it be so much better if there was more honesty between the generations!!!! During labor with her first child, my grandmother was expecting to give birth through her belly button (for example). So yes, if there was better honesty from her mother, some of my grandmother's trauma as an adult could've been avoided so she could have been more real and available to her children.Life is tough, and giving children the message that the fault is with them or abandoning them in the struggle is damaging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Her belly button? harsh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Hi Jai.Does anything else help you to relax? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted August 29, 2012 Report Share Posted August 29, 2012 It makes sense that you would grieve the loss of something that has been so central to you Has work started back up, (or did it go all summer?)In time there will be new positive things in your life... ((( : ) ))) Hope you are ok today, Jai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 How are things, Jai? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 I dunno. A mix I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 SA also has a weird hetero-slant to it. Which is fine cus I'm hetero, but also not as cool with me cus it seems to take homosexuality, in and of itself, as a sexual issue. =[ That is surprising. I can understand your concerns. I'm sorry you're struggling with sadness and painful emotions. It's very courageous of you to express yourself. I used to curl up in a ball and close my eyes, whisper...all kinds of stuff. You're doing great, Jai.It's great that you like your therapist. Maybe you might tell him that you find yourself editing during sessions? Emotional honesty is very important, I think. I understand it can be very challenging. Even if you are expressing a difficulty you are having within the relationship, though, this openness can strengthen the relationship and help to buiild trust. Are you sure he couldn't care less what you say? If he's a good therapist, and it sounds like he is, he cares. Take gentle care, Jai. I hope you have a good weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted September 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 =) thanks IJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted September 1, 2012 Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 I can understand your concerns. I'm sorry you're feeling upset. Change and learning new ways of coping can take time, Jai. I understand that patience can be a struggle too. Have you asked your therapist for suggestions or a plan of action? I hope you can be gentle with yourself and not beat yourself down. I hope you feel better tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted September 2, 2012 Report Share Posted September 2, 2012 I don't know anything about SA or SAA, but maybe you could go and see if there is anything in it that is useful for you? Hazelden (AA press) has some good material if reading is an option. I found "The Addictive Personality" to be real helpful.Is your therapist any kind of parts therapist? Just wondered if there was some kind of tuning in you could do when you "tune out," even if it is just to be present enough to observe what is taking place in you when it happens.Hope things are ok today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted September 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Ya he's an IFS therapist. Ill ask him about what you said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Sorry you've been crawling in your skin. I'm not doing so great myself right now -- nothing specific, just not so great.Hope things improve soon -- for all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Is there any kind of physically therapeutic modality that could work for you Jai? How do you feel about yoga? Something that addresses the physical stress you are going through, but in a new way that is helpful.Wishing everyone a better day today... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted September 7, 2012 Report Share Posted September 7, 2012 How are you feeling, Jai? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted September 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 hi. doing ok right now. had another rough couple of days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 If you can manage it, maybe cue your therapist into what is happening? Your anxiety, the tuning out, what you had to do to recover the next day... I hear you when you say it is really difficult to remember to do This stuff is so hard It gets easier when you can lift a little from the state you are in and observe it... and this tough stuff really becomes possible to work with when you start to learn what to do with yourself when you are triggered... and then comes the possibilities for living that weren't there before because before you were too divided up and dissociated, but as you heal a bit, relating to yourself and others starts to make some sense.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 Glad to hear you're doing OK. Sorry things have been rough -- it may be par for the course? I wish they would give people instruction sheets like they have for other "medical" procedures. But I don't think "they" know how weird this stuff is, when things really start changing. Good thing is, though, therapy sometimes works anyway! That much is known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 And maybe start the session with telling him how it leaves you, so he can accomodate that into the session before you get going too deep ...I think it's really great that you're still trying, though, Jai. You have far more courage than you credit yourself with. {I got up my courage, and intentionally ended that with a preposition.}I'm also really glad he hasn't run off shrieking into the sunset, but then, you were the only one who was afraid of that. :-PI guess I have my teasing hat on, today, but I do think it's really great that you're sticking to this despite the discomfort.{Have I said "great" enough? Great.} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted September 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 hope u guys are doing alright!ttyl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 Good for you for sticking with this, Jai. I understand this is painful and difficult for you. Does your therapist allow you to bring in notes? If he does, you might even print out what you just wrote above (#119) so he can know what you've been experiencing. Or you could bring in reminder notes to ask things you might otherwise forget. Eye contact can be so tough. In the beginning, I used to focus on my therapist's shoes or the rug or the blinds behind him...anything but his eyes... You aren't alone. It's very challenging talking openly about such intensely personal stuff. It takes time to build trust. Hopefully, in time, you will find it a bit easier to make eye contact.Taking up yoga might be a great way to help you relax. Do you have any down time to do things for fun as well? It might help give you some room to breathe. Maybe go to a movie with a friend?Take gentle care of you, JaiJai. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 "therapy doesnt feel great ..."Nope, it wouldn't. The process of healing is always painful.{Pardon my Sunday afternoon wordlessness ... It probably began to grate.} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana73 Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 Hi Jai,was thinking about you and wanted to stop by to say hi.So glad to see that you are allowing yourself to heal,Big hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted September 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Hey people.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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