HIV fear

[helen3]

I´m new in this forum, I´ve been trying to look for help here and there. I have a very irrational hiv fear, I´ve been having it for the past 10 years. I used to go and get tested after every sexual relationship, even if there had been no risk.

Now my fears are worse, I´m afraid that I got hiv from a blood test or at the dentist appointment.

I go to psychiatrist too and I´m on meds. Sometimes they help but sometimes I get really depressed like to day

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad, stressed and upset, Helen.

Have you discussed your concerns with your family doctor? Maybe he/she could help put your mind at rest about this? Do you also have a therapist?

Take care, and welcome to the community.

[Cece.dedesl]

I can understand how you feel. I went thru I similar stage after HIV became publicly known. We're talking about the 1980's. I worked in the medical field with HIV patients and became so paranoid about it, I had full blood screens monthly.

In time, I realized through educating myself, that risk of contracting HIV was easily reduced and eliminated with precautions. Have you taken the time to educate yourself, are your fears based in reality?

Sometimes, the things we fear the most are not all that scary when we understand the causes.

[helen3]

Thank's so much to you both for your support!

My fears aren't real coz I haven't been in a situation that would be a risk, like unprotected sex. I worry about kissing, dentist, blood tests, public toilets .... I have talked to experts and I know that I could never get hiv from those places.

My case is more like an ocd.

[helen3]

Today I'm feeling really anxious.... I'm thinking I should get an hiv test (again) though there really isn't any real reason

for that. Somehow I'm obsessed with this idea as I have been so many times before.

But then again I don't want to get tested coz I couldn't handle a positive result. And then again, it should be negative

coz I haven't had any risk.

But I think I shouldn't get tested coz I'm afraid that later on I'll get another irrational reason to get tested and I can't be

testing all the time! I've had two tests this year already: in january and in june.

Even the meds aren't helping me today

[malign]

Have you discussed with your medication provider that you have obsessive thoughts like these? Perhaps you need a different cocktail.

Ideally, the urgency of intrusive thoughts like these will be reduced by the meds to the point where you can start to address the validity of the underlying thought, and maybe even connect some other trigger in your life that might have increased your anxiety level in general.

Have you had any talk therapy? There are cognitive techniques that can help, on top of the medications.

[helen3]

I told about these fears to the psychiatrist but he just said: no need for more testing. I kissed my ex and that made me fear hiv and syphilis, 9 weeks after that I was tested and they were negative. I wanted another test but the psychiatrist said no need coz there was no risk. He prescribed me clonazepam and sertraline. I go to therapy with a psychologist but it doesn't help.

[pascal reeve]

How do you feel after those testings? Do you loose that fear on some time or it is constantly there?

[helen3]

After the tests at first I felt great for about few weeks or so but then the hiv "what if" came back. The syphilis fear I forgot coz I know that after 2 months the test result is conclusive. But since they say the hiv test is conclusive after 3 months the idea came back to my mind but not only my doctor but many other doctors said that kissing doesn't transmit hiv at all so no need for testing.

When somehow I accepted that I started to think what if now I got hiv from the blood test or dentist etc.

Sometimes I am able to think rationally but sometimes, especially at night my fears come back

[pascal reeve]

Well, when night comes and we get in bed and if something bother's us from inside, those thinkings are coming out on the surface. That is happening to all of us and it is normal thing. Your case is specificaly connected with HIV fear if i can call it like that because that's most bothers you. Tell me, do you have a job or you are a student? Im asking that question because i want to know your daily activities. Those activities are affecting on our night life (before bed). If you are not too much daily active, then you have space for thinking before sleep. If you are active person, there is no room for those thinkings before bed because of tiredness. For the start i recommend some daily activity that involves physical activity too. Try some sport, or something else that will make you tired. When you are tired, you will only see your bed and sleep. Also, that is just an option for the beginning.

[helen3]

Thank's so much for your post and the advice. I lost my job few months ago so I'm unemployed. I'm studying but I don't have many courses either so maybe that's the problem that I have too much time to think

[pascal reeve]

You 're welcome, we are here to help each other. Anyway, organize your self and give your self goals. Don't take me wrong, i don't want to sound like your parent, start searching for job and also do some daily activities that will make you feel nice. Do you have some hobby?

[helen3]

I'm looking for jobs and I'm trying to do some independent work and I try to do sports so that way I kind of get through the day but still the anxiety is stronger. This is so weird for me coz I've never been this anxious without reason

[pascal reeve]

You are anxious with the reason! Point is to find that reason and get rid of it. How is going with your concentration? Can you read some book?