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Weird turn ons?


Bestcobra
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Alright, so I'm not sure if these things that actually turn me on make me incredibly shallow or what but it makes me feel horrible that I feel this way.

First off, I actually have a HUGE attractiveness to virgins which I am one myself...so it makes sense in a way I suppose. I don't even really understand it myself but if I know someone is a virgin it boosts my attractiveness to them a huge amount regardless of what they even look like.

Also for some odd reason I actually get turned on by girls that are insecure and really emotional. Even if a girl gets really mad and really sad a lot, even if it's me that she's mad it for some reason that much emotion turns me on.

But with both of these things being said I also like trying to support them as much as I possibly can and be there for them, but I see girls that are always happy and even though it's nice to see someone happy it's just not something that attracts me unless I'm the one making them happy. If a girl looks sad and I do something to bring a smile to her face it makes me feel great.

Also when it comes to physical stuff I've had girls even brag before about how big their breasts are and that they're so proud of them. And honestly to me big breasts are a huge turnoff, It's actually way more of a turnon for me if they are pretty small. And I hear a lot of girls say they are "flat" And if there's something there even the slightest bit, that's not flat in my opinion, its actually the way I like them. I would rather even be with a girl that is completely flat anyday over a girl with huge breasts, anything bigger than everage is a turnoff to me. Actually average might even be a bit of a turnoff.

To go along with that I do like really slim girls, not to the point that they're unhealthy, but that goes with the breast thing too most girls I see that are thinner have smaller breasts so it's a turnon to me. I don't have anything against bigger girls at all and I think some of them are beautiful, it's just that if I imagine myself with someone sexually I want their breast to fit perfectly in my hands and I have pretty small hands so I guess it makes sense in a way.

So is any of this actually weird? And these things aren't like it's something mandatory or anything in someone that I'm looking for, as I'm actually trying to date someone at the moment that is sort of big and definitely has bigger breasts. When it comes to the relationship it always matters more to me what the person is like and not how they look. But these things are things that REALLY turn me on, I think that's another reason I feel like I'll never find someone else like my ex again...As sad as that is and as shallow as it sounds. She was a virgin, was really emotional, was really thin, had small breasts and was absolutely stunning in my eyes even though she hated how she looked. The girl that is talking to me now isn't a virgin, isn't really that emotional, isn't thin at all and has big breasts. She doesn't look bad, just doesn't exactly turn me on to say. But I'm not someone that's so shallow that I won't date someone just cause I'm not amazed at how they look.

Oh I almost forgot to add this. When a girl is on her period, I know a lot of girls think it's gross or something but for whatever reason knowing a girl is on her period turns me on a huge amount. It is definitely not gross to me in the slightest bit, I don't think anyone should really think somethngs gross about their bodily functions. Every girl in the world goes through it so it's natural, not something to be grossed out by. But I guess that's just my opinion. I know I hate how I look so I don't blame anyone for disliking their body.

So is any of this weird? I'm really not sure

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B., people have so very diverse "turn-ons" that it's hard or even impossible to say what should be considered as "a norm", as "not weird", ... In case your "turn-ons" don't include something that would be harmful to somebody (as if you'd like to see someone suffering, for instance), you don't need to worry. What is the definition of "weird", in your opinion? Does it have to do something with statistics: The less numerous are people who share these "turn-ons", the more are they weird? For this, you'd need to know the statistics. But... in my opinion, it's something similar as if you wanted to know the statistics about... let's say people's taste in food or music or art - for concluding something about your own tastes. What for? ;)

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Yea I don't have any turn-ons that involve hurting anyone at all. In fact I honestly think at times one of my problems is that I'm TOO gentle with people and I worry about hurting them physically or emotionally too much. I mean I know it's good to not want to harm anyone in any way...but I think I take it too far. Well really the stuff I try to consider weird are things that either make me seem extremely shallow, which I hate cause I'm not a shallow person at all...at least I don't think I am. Or things that I think nobody would ever actually WANT to do and it's just me being weird. It doesn't bother me a bit if any other guy in the world likes the things I like, but I'm not gunna tell someone that I don't wanna be with them cause they aren't as thin as I would like or have as small of breasts as I like. And how the period thing turns me on, I wouldn't dare ask a girl to talk about it if she doesn't want to. Yea...I like it, but I'm not gunna try to change anyone just because someone isn't the exact way I want someone to be in my mind.

I also find it so hard to actually find someone that likes me at all, my personality or my looks so having someone that actually likes me how I am...and not liking them is honestly killing me. It makes me feel like I'm a horribly shallow person that I thought I wansn't. And for being that shallow, I don't really feel I deserve to be treated as good as this girl is treating me.

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We have no control over what turns us on. It's not shallowness. A lot of people have "types".

I think you enjoy helping people with their problems. Does it makes you feel needed when you help someone feel better? Maybe it helps your self esteem a bit? There is nothing wrong with that either as long as you don't let it be the only thing that defines your worth in a relationship. In other words, can you still be happy after all the problems have been fixed?

As far as the menstrual thing goes, some men aren't bothered by it, some are. Some women are bothered by it, some aren't. It's a matter of personal preference. It's a sign of fertility, it is not unusual for men to be aroused by it.

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Well I don't know if it exactly makes me feel needed when I make someone feel better, but I know it makes me feel a bit better when I do, and it definitely helps my self esteem a bit when someone actually appreciates something that I do. And if I'm with someone that I think is better than me, isn't that really the only way for me to be worth as much by doing things for them? And I can be happy after problems are fixed, but I still like doing stuff for people when I can whether it be massages, gifts, even just saying something that makes them happier. Anything I can do to put a smile on someones face makes me a bit happier but usually the only way I can do that for friends is if I spend money on them. Which I don't mind doing at all if it makes them happy, but I don't exactly have much money right now...so I don't really feel there's much I can do for anyone.

And I've noticed that I would rather talk to someone that I find physically attractive when it comes to who I want to date. Which I guess is natural for everyone, but I don't think I look very good at all myself. So that doesn't really seem very fair to anyone else. I'll still talk to anyone and consider being with them, I don't just ignore anyone but I feel like I should have to be with someone I don't really find attractive since I don't look all that good.

And I've lost like over 20 pounds in the last few months and I'm gunna keep losing weight until I'm happy with how much I weigh. But honestly even after losing a lot of weight I don't think I'll look very good, plus I'm only 5'4 and it's not that easy to find girls that are shorter than me that have any interest in me at all, I'm way too emotional for most people.

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Hi Bestcobra. :)

And if I'm with someone that I think is better than me, isn't that really the only way for me to be worth as much by doing things for them?

I understand that it can be very challenging to resist comparing ourselves with others sometimes. It's actually pretty cool, I think, that we're all different and unique. What do you think causes you to feel another person is "better" than you? I enjoy giving as well. I do like seeing others smile and feel content, but I also enjoy connecting with the part of me that is giving. Maybe there are aspects of yourself that you can connect with and appreciate too. What do you think?

Anything I can do to put a smile on someones face makes me a bit happier but usually the only way I can do that for friends is if I spend money on them.

I would think that someone who truly appreciates you would likely be very happy to simply spend time with you. The company of a friend can be a precious thing. I think so, anyway.

Take care and be well.

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Irma pretty much said what I would have said. I would just add, if someone decides to date you, it's because you possess qualities they find attractive. I think a lot of us think we aren't worthy of our partners but in reality they wouldn't be with us if they didn't feel we were worthy. In fact, a lot of times they are experiencing the same doubts we are.

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Well really someones personality, looks or just what they do with their time can make me feel like someone is a lot better than me and I always felt that way with my ex and she told me before that she didn't like that I felt that way but it isn't something I can just change about myself. And my own insecurities causes me to not be able to really completely be myself around anyone, I've never been able to and I'm really not sure if I'll ever be able to. If I would've just been my self when we was in person, then it's a very high possibility that she would've stayed with me cause I know she liked me just being myself more, but even knowing that then I couldn't help but stay insecure.

And that's something else, I don't really feel like anyone spending time with me is a good thing for them really. I just sorta feel like if someones spending time with me I'm being a burden to them or something, so even if I'm just with friends I just do whatever they want to do all the time. So if I don't really feel like I'm worth being around, if I don't have some other way to try to make people happy then I feel there's no reason for people to be around me really.

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Well I've never had anyone that actually wanted to be with me romantically for very long at all, I'm just that person that all girls want to be "Just friends" with. Even my ex broke up with me saying I was more of a friend and that there was no romance when I did romantic stuff all the time...I might not be on here for a few days guys, I'm sort of in a suicidal thought process right now and really think everyone would be better off without me being here at all. I'm even just causing you guys problems most likely and I hate that considering everyone is just trying to help me. I'm sorry if I'm just wasting people's time...

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I'm sort of in a suicidal thought process right now and really think everyone would be better off without me being here at all. I'm even just causing you guys problems most likely and I hate that considering everyone is just trying to help me. I'm sorry if I'm just wasting people's time...

B., you can believe us that it's not a waisted time for us. Even if we try to help you and fail, it's not a reason for you to feel guilty.

It might be better to 'talk' here about your suicidal (and/or other) thoughts, not hiding them because of not wanting to 'bother' us or 'make us worry'. Many of us used to feel suicidal in some moments (or periods) of our lives, so we can relate to it...

I'm sorry you're feeling low... :(

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Yea... I seriously might have some sort of bipolar or something. But from everything I've seen it said people normally get randomly mad too. And I never get mad at all, I'll get REALLY depressed for a while then I'll be alright for a bit and it just keeps doing that just about every day or so.

And I'm alright physically, thanks for caring though guys. I had a horrible Idea earlier today and it sort of even scares myself. I've had my profile on a couple dating sites for a while now but for some reason this morning I felt for some reason that I should actually change the one that I get on the most to saying that I'm gay or bi and if someone wanted to to just let them use me for whatever they wanted...I didn't change the profile and I realized how horrible of an idea this was after about an hour or two. But the fact that I was actually considering going through with that scares me considering it's not something I want AT ALL. I've been with a guy quite a bit and I hate it, but I feel that useless that I would rather just give myself to someone for whatever purpose they want so that maybe I can make one person happy, at the expense of me being happy any other way.

I think the fact that I've lost over 20 pounds in the last couple months is having a lot to do with how I'm feeling too and that I'm still losing weight. I know it should make me feel better, but normally when I would get depressed in the past I would just eat anything I wanted and it's how I would try to get rid of my depression. It never really worked of course...it just made me a bit happy momentarily. And now I don't eat 90% of what I used to and I know it's affecting me, but I don't want to stop losing weight cause I'm on a good track and I know if I just ate something just cause I'm feeling depressed I would hate that I did it later so I don't eat any junk or anything like that.

And I feel as though I'll never be able to make a woman happy in a relationship, or that nobody would ever even want me to. And I mean physically or emotionally, every relationship that I've been in the person told me either during or after the relationship that I treated them bad. And I try my hardest to treat everyone the best I can and it's the biggest insult that I could possibly get, I would rather someone tell me I'm ugly or stupid or something I would be more accepting of it. But everyone that I've been with telling me that is truly starting to get to me and make me think that I really don't treat anyone right. And if that's the case I really don't need to be in any relationships anyway...

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Hello, B., I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner :(

How are you now??

And I feel as though I'll never be able to make a woman happy in a relationship, or that nobody would ever even want me to. And I mean physically or emotionally, every relationship that I've been in the person told me either during or after the relationship that I treated them bad. And I try my hardest to treat everyone the best I can and it's the biggest insult that I could possibly get, I would rather someone tell me I'm ugly or stupid or something I would be more accepting of it. But everyone that I've been with telling me that is truly starting to get to me and make me think that I really don't treat anyone right. And if that's the case I really don't need to be in any relationships anyway...

Even if you were unable to treat people right, it wouldn' mean that it's something "for all your life" - unchangeable! But what might be more probable is that you just haven't found "the right girl". And even when you find "the right girl", there is always much space for learning to treat her even better than you do and to ameliorate your relationship (for all of us - we all need to make changes, try, discover, learn, ...). Can you see what I mean? ;)

I can imagine it has to be hurting when you do your best and the girl tells you that you're not doing it right :(. But... There are some questions:

How many girls told you this already? - How many realtionships have you got?

Did you ask them where the problems were? What did they expect from you and didn't get? Did they have expectations that you consider as manageable for you or not?

(It's hard to help you / give some insights when I lack the info, so I'm trying to know you better...)

Take care!

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Well, my recent ex actually told me after breaking up with me that I would never let her do what she wanted and that I would never let her have any space. She called me every morning, after every class she went to, and at night. To go along with this she texted me at least every 20 mins anytime she could. And she did all of this because she said "she wanted to" And anytime she said she didn't feel like talking, I wouldn't bug her. And I never told her not to do something, I told her if she was out with friends and stuff I wouldn't bug her but she always told me it was fine and that she wanted me to. So really I have no idea what she expected, cause everything I did while in the relationship she always said she liked or she was perfectly fine with. If she would have told me while dating me that she didn't like something, I would have tried my best to change it but she NEVER told me anything that she didn't like that I did while we was together. So there's not really any way for me to be able to what she expects, if I have no idea of what it is that she expects. At first right after she broke up with me she said she didn't know why she just didn't want to be with me anymore and that she had no feelings for me. And honestly I don't understand how it's possible to just lose feelings for someone like that and not know why, if I lose feelings for someone I know EXACTLY why. And it was so immediate and after breaking up with me I said some things right afterwards that I didn't actually mean and considering that was my most emotional point in my life and I was actually having a mental breakdown I sort of needed someone, and instead of talking to me about anything she just started ignoring me completely. So I had nobody to talk to and I was sitting there feeling like I was completely useless, way more than normal and I had no idea what to do with myself. I was completely alone, the worst mental state I've ever been in so it was pretty bad for me...

And I guess technically I've only been in one other relationship but that person said that I didn't treat her good enough while still in the relationship. And having someone say that to me when I try as hard as I do honestly just breaks me inside and I felt like I would never measure up to what she wanted. She told me that because I was playing a game with my brother and told her I didn't really know how long I would be and seeing how it was my brother that I was playing with and not just someone else I really figured it wouldn't have mattered that much. We didn't have anything planned but she wanted to spend time with me but I wasn't just gunna leave my brother hanging like that when I was in the middle of helping him with something. And the whole time I was still messaging her and talking to her but after I finally was finished she got mad at me and she told me that she deserves to be treated better and I honestly just didn't know what to say, I felt like crap cause she didn't ask me if I would actually just stop and come spend time with her, she asked a couple times how much longer I would be and I really didn't know. I think it lasted like 3 hours or something like that. But afterwards we spent some time together and I just didn't really say much, the next day I told her I didn't really feel the same which I didn't and I wasn't sure what was going on completely and that I would just give it a few more days, after a couple days(yes I was talking to her for those days, I don't ignore anyone regardless of how I feel. To me ignoring someone is just about the most selfish thing you can do if they actually need to talk.) I told her I just didn't feel the same way about her and that I couldn't be with he anymore cause I feel like I could never meet her standards, we talked about it for a bit and she wasn't mean about anything and I told her we could be friends and she said she would rather not so we just didn't talk anymore at that point. She knew I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with her, and she never said anything that proposed the idea that I was and she didn't really ask me anything else. She didn't really seem to care all that much that we wouldn't be dating anymore, which considering she felt like I didn't treat her good enough there was really no reason for her to.

There was another girl that I THOUGHT I was dating that even told me she wanted me to move in with her but she actually never talked to any of her friends about us dating or anything like that and we was talking to a few of her friends and one of them asked if we was dating, and me surely thinking she would say yes and sound a bit proud about it considering how everything was going and that she seemed happy was completely shocked when she said no. I asked her afterwards if we was really dating cause at that point I didn't know and was extremely confused, and she said she never really put a label on us....and I tried asking her a few things after that but she would never say much so I just kept talking to her as a friend for like 3 years. She told me afterwards that I didn't treat her good enough though to date her and I never understood what she meant cause I was as sweet to her as I could possibly be. She never really explained what she meant and I figured if that's what made her happy and she would rather not be with me I wasn't gunna bother her with it anymore. I stopped being her friend for a while though when she was dating some other guy and was letting him tell what to do and what not do to. I cared about her as a person and I didn't like watching her be controlled when she was normally a really independent person...we talk every not and then now, but not so much. She's always had guys that didn't treat her right though, and I know for a fact that out of everyone she's dated I treated her the best =/ and I still got told that I didn't treat her good.

So yea I have issues with that, and honestly it just feels like I should stop trying to date people altogether and maybe in 10 years or something I'll meet someone that just likes my personality and wants to be with me, and if not...well I have my music and I'll just be alone with it and a dog when I finally get one.

And I'm not as emotional as I was before actually, I started taking some testosterone pills cause honestly I think I was lacking a lot. It hasn't had any sort of side effects yet but it's improving my mood a bit so it seems to be a good thing. If I start seeing anything negative I'll stop...but for now it seems to be working how I wanted. Also having more testosterone increases a lot of stuff, muscle mass energy, sex drive(which oddly enough my sex drive actually is not high at all anymore...within the last week or two it seems like it's almost not even there, and I never even want to do anything myself.) vitality, just a lot of pretty useful stuff including the mood boost. I probably get angry a bit easier now but I never really get mad anyway so I don't see that as a problem. Even when I really wanted to kiss my ex before I almost had to force myself to cause I was so scared, and honestly a man shouldn't be that way...men are supposed to be able to take control of those sort of situations and I've just never really been very "manly" at all. So I'm hoping this stuff will help with everything. I still have all my emotions and I'm still the same person of course, it just sort of...makes me emotions be more mellow I guess. Which with my intense emotions it's a very good thing, I would much rather feel this way than end up curled up in a corner crying for 3-4 hours constantly like has happened many many nights.

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Really the situation with all three of them seems to be that they didn't really tell me what they wanted...and I'm sure many women that are actually married or been in a relationship for a while knows, if you don't tell a man what you want a lot of times he won't know =/ I can always tell when someones feeling bad or even when someone wants to just talk or when somethings bothering them. I can tell all of that sorta stuff by body language/expressions that people normally don't even know they're making. But I can't read someones mind, when someone tells me they're happy that's what I believe. If I didn't believe it, then I wouldn't be trusting the person and I give all of my trust to people I'm in a relationship with.

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Thank you for all the descriptions!!

I appreciate your attitude - it's very good that you are aware of the fact that the big, probably the main, problem was that they didn't tell you what they wanted and you cannot read minds. It seemss to me from what you wrote that all those girls had some issues that prevented them from having a deep loving relationship. For instance, the 3rd-one you've mentioned might probably, for some reasons (due to her childhood), prefer guys who "treat her badly" and you might have been "too good", thus "not appropriate for her (in her eyes)". It's hard to tell how it was exactly in which case, mainly just based on "second-hand info", but I'm pretty sure that analyzing all the relationships (including the causes of the "strange" behaviour and expectations of the girls) would lead to considerable alleviation of your unpleasant feelings, disturbed self-image, and decreased hope for the future. I don't say you have to analyze it (it would be most effective with a professional help), I just want to underline that it's possible to explain it to the extent that you would feel much better.

You also seem to me somehow "helpless" and "clueless" in those relationships from what you wrote. And as if you only tried to do the best you could, but not receiveing anything back - a true feedback and a similar effort from the other (the girl). That might be a pattern in your relationships due to "your issues" (which girls you choose, ...). It would help to learn to be more assertive and more aware of the typical (-for you) pitfalls of the realtionships and how to overcome or avoid them. Well, I know it's not easy, mainly without a professional help/assistance. But maybe you could try at least to find (and read ;)) a right book (or several books)... For instance, I posted today in "Recommended reading" about one book which might be interesting for you, but I believe there are many other books which are even more focused on the romantic-relaitonship problems and might be more suitable for you...

What do you think?

I didn't know that one can just buy testosterone and use it for these purposes! :blink: I'm glad to hear that it helps you! :)

honestly a man shouldn't be that way...men are supposed to be able to take control of those sort of situations and I've just never really been very "manly" at all

I think that this opinion is too much based on stereotypes and stereotypes often cause baseless problems as people worry without a good foundation that they are not how they "should" be.

In that particular situation (about kissing): What you suppose "a man" would do? Kiss her?? But you've already explained very well that your decision not to kiss her was right. You did take control!

Edited by LaLa3
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Well I'm not talking about the girl that I went on a couple dates with, I didn't want to kiss her. But I mean my ex who I ALWAYS wanted to kiss, and she wanted me to kiss her but I still always felt like I would do it at the wrong time or something and that she would just push me away. I tried a couple times and she never pushed me away or anything but it would just be awkward cause I started it, she would kiss me all the time and it was great. I just couldn't get myself to kiss her even if I wanted to. It's a lot easier for me to not to something, then to actually do something. And there was a lot of things I wanted to do when we were together that I just couldn't make myself do even though I really wanted to just cause I thought I would screw something up. But that also comes from my dad telling me just about every day of my life since I was about 3 that I would never do anything right and that I would amount to nothing. After that long of being told that by someone who is supposed to support me it definitely gets into my mind and makes me think that's the truth a lot of times. And that's just how my mind works, I can't honestly change how I think. I mean I can periodically yes and I can think things over. But when my feelings take over and I'm not thinking clearly at the time I get nervous and my mind goes back to me thinking whatever I do will be wrong. I know I have problems, and talking about them helps at times but honestly my ex was the only person other than my mom that's ever really been there to support me and tell me what I was doing is alright.

For example, it's so bad that even when I would kiss her I would start apologizing to her instantly about it being bad and even after a few times of her telling me it was fine my mind's still in the same spot. So having to deal with stuff like that I'm sure was extremely frustrating for her, I just have absolutely no confidence in anything I do. I could pretend I do sure, but pretending isn't doing anything but lying and I don't lie to people I'm in relationships with...and I never will. I started to get better while with her until she broke up with me too, and if she would've stayed with me I would've been fine over time I'm sure but it's not really right that she would have to go through all of that just to be with me. Even if there are good things about being with me in a relationship, there's way more bad.

And I don't really know if that's something that's really stereotypes. It's just sort of the normal instincts of men and woman isn't it? Cause if that's the case I'm more emotionally like most woman are, if not more so. And I don't want a woman that's not affectionate...but a woman being with me would almost be just like being with another woman aside from the physical part so I don't really see the point in anyone wanting to be with me. But again I was raised in a house where men crying or anything like that is just pathetic, and my dad still thinks that way. My mom does too to a point and the fact that I tend to cry quite a bit and nobody knows about it, there's not really much I can say when they start talking about things like that. And the fact that I'm a guy and would actually like to be held by a woman, that would absolutely disgust my family. But that's the way I am, and I can't really change that.

I don't doubt that I could just go find someone to date if I wanted to just date someone, but the possibility that someone that I just find to date would actually like all the things about me...I don't see that being very likely at all. And if it's not someone that's going to stay with me, then I really see no point in trying to date them at all. I've already decided that I'm remaining a virgin until I'm married, not cause I think it's wrong or anything like that not to but just a personal decision. Maybe it wouldn't even bother me if I lost it, but I'd rather lose it to someone I'm actually gunna stay with for at least a while and not just a few months or a year.

And I've tried so many different dating sites, and I get about 1 reply out of every 15 people I send messages to. And this isn't "I'd love to get to know you" messages or anything like that, it's them saying 3 or 4 words normally then never replying to me when I message again. So really trying that anymore seems extremely pointless now. And I'm not the sort of person that'll message them again the next day asking why they didn't message me. I've never been like that with anyone, if someone doesn't message me I know they either don't want to, are too busy or just don't care. So it's pointless in messaging them more.

IF I start dating someone again that hasn't already said they like all the weird stuff about me that makes it so hard to be in a relationship, then maybe I'll just push myself to do things that I'm not normally comfortable with doing cause I think it'll be things they don't like. And if I get left because of stuff like that, then I'll know I was right from the start. Maybe it wouldn't be bad to date a couple people just to try to figure out more of what I'm doing instead of just trying to find someone that accepts everything about me. Especially all the stuff with me not being able to be dominant enough, I'm not saying I just want to push someone down and take control of them...but I would like to at least be able to kiss someone and not be horrified of what they could possibly say afterwords.

Also I stopped taking the testosterone for like 1 day and I'm already getting more emotional again say maybe I'll just try taking one every other day or something cause it seemed like taking it every day started to cause me to have acne on my back which I've never had anywhere so that's a bit weird, and it's already gone after not taking the stuff for a day. I'll just try to take it at a decent rate where I'm not always so emotional but where it doesn't have any negative effects either.

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  • 1 year later...

I have been sexually attracted to much older women with large heavy breasts. Strange? No doubt, yes!

This fetish stemmed from a time when I saw my gf's mother through a floor vent in the washroom. she had just stepped out of the shower and I secretly watched through a small opening as her pendulous, heavy breasts swayed and flopped with every wipe of the towel. I was in heaven! she was 22 years older than me.

now, I'm in my 40s and big busted women in their 60s do it for me.

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