Ever given any serious thought to surgery?

[lifeless existence]

I have much bigger problems than the size of my penis. I've acknowledged that.

[Cece.dedesl]

I'm not in category 2, Cece. I don't think that I'm entitled to anything. I don't deserve anything. I ruined my life. The penis size I couldn't control, but everything else I brought on myself.

LE, you are too hard on yourself. I would love to climb inside your brain and do some simple re-wiring. There are always options. There is always something good to reach for.

Life is never ruined, we have to pay for our mistakes. Some take longer than others but you have to keep trying. Simply having hope can make a big difference in our perception of life.

[lifeless existence]

Sure, there are things I could reach for, but none of those things could ever take the place of having another human being in your life, who accepts you and loves you, wants to be intimate with you, and support you through the good times and bad, while you get to do all the same rewarding things for them in return. Believe me, I know all about paying for my mistakes. The price for all of my mistakes is you don't get to have anyone in your life. I'm paying it, 24-7-365.

[Cece.dedesl]

LE, fix what you can, then worry about the rest. You'll find, the confidence you gain from the accomplishments you can make can actually propel you towards the things you thought were unobtainable. Living in perpetual purgatory isn't going to solve anything, ever.

[IrmaJean]

Social anxiety can be overcome. I overcame it. I'm still not perfect with this, and it has taken years, but I can say that I feel very little social anxiety any longer. One step forward is a step forward.

There is always hope. If you can't see it yourself right now, it's okay to lean on others for some time until you do. I do think you have to allow for the possibilities. Things can get better. One day at a time.

[thouroghlyunhappy]

I think the bottom line is tha

I do want to add one more point. A lot of you feel socially inept. That's never going to change unless you start interacting socially. It's like public speaking, it use to scare me to death but I was forced into it and through experience, I gained confidence. I still get some butterflies but it's no longer something I fear.

Me, I was the life of the party--very out-going until age 13-14...and I was socially functional as a crack addict (i.e, I could joke, laugh, interact with others in the crack-sub culture, etc.)..but if you throw me in a normal social situation, lets say, for example, some sort of social gathering involving other "normal" men and women...naturally I'm gonna feel like zero, I'm gonna feel like a zero because I don't have self-esteem or confidence, I'm not going to be able to relate to other people whom have normal sex lives, children and normal adult lives in general. And god-forbid if a woman starts to flirt or hit on me---immediately the thoughts of my inadequacy and the reality that a woman might want me and I can't have her hits me like a ton of bricks. Instant episode of depression.

[lifeless existence]

Same for me. I feel so inferior around other people. And why shouldn't I? I am inferior.

[thouroghlyunhappy]

Man this is a tough road we're walking. Yeah, I agree with you.... I mean, I could try to convince you otherwise, but I believe that the objective reality here is that we're both inferior. Sure,there's plenty of folks whom will tell us " Oh, you guys are'nt inferior", lol, but--relatively speaking-- we really are inferior in the everyday, conventional sense. The question is this: How do we cope with being inferior? Or is coping even possible? I noticed that you said that your not really dealing with it at all. Then what do you do? I mean, do you just sorta exist, going through the motions everyday like me?

Also, I noticed that you mentioned having other serious problems. I was wondering if you'd care to share them, in brief. I've already mentioned some of mine (socially maladjusted, ex-crack head, criminal, etc.)

Thanks

[lifeless existence]

I mean, do you just sorta exist, going through the motions everyday like me?

Yep, hence the screen name. I don't "live", I just exist.

I sent you a message. My problems are listed in it.

[IrmaJean]

Same for me. I feel so inferior around other people. And why shouldn't I? I am inferior.

How can you challenge this thought? what makes someone superior? All of us have flaws. All of us have stuff to work on. Change can sometimes mean shaking things up some. It's true that can feel uncomfortable, but it's sometimes necessary for growth.

[thouroghlyunhappy]

How can you challenge this thought? what makes someone superior?

While this was'nt aimed at me, I'd like to get in on it because I sorta feel like lifeless doe's. For me, I would say that fully functioning adult males with normal penises and the confidence and self esteem and regular sex lives that go along with it, are --in the relative, everyday conventional world in which we inhabit---"superior"...and most women would agree.

Of course, in the absolute sense--everything's equal. But , again, in the everyday conventional world in which we inhabit, some things are "superior", some things are "inferior"...that's just life. But of course this does'nt mean that we can't find a way to cope.

[lifeless existence]

what makes someone superior?

Having a good job, a normal relationship with an uncompromised sex life, friends, a social life, a normal sized penis, confidence in all areas. Pretty much everything that I either just don't have or can't have.

While this was'nt aimed at me, I'd like to get in on it because I sorta feel like lifeless doe's.

Feel free to chime in anywhere you want. We're all in this together. IrmaJean wants your life to be better too. I guarantee you that.

[IrmaJean]

LE, I appreciate that you feel my care. That means a lot to me. Thoroughlyunhappy, yes, please feel free to express your thoughts.

I think human beings are naturally inclined to want to make sense of things in life and thus we can sometimes end up categorizing and comparing ourselves to others. There are so many pieces to the puzzle, though. Maybe it helps to not see things so much in one direction or the other? For instance, I'm a very sensitive person and sometimes I struggle to balance this. My sensitivity might be perceived as a negative trait during times when I have some trouble dealing with criticism. It can also be a beautiful thing, though, too, because it helps me to connect with others and to be empathetic. We're complex beings. My eldest daughter is quiet, and she is an amazing artist. Those are two things about her. Neither defines her worth or value as a human being; they're part of who she is. I don't know if my examples are good ones, but I hope you understand where I'm coming from. If I look to compare, there will always be another who is "better" at one thing or another than I am, but no other can fill the space that I fill...no one else is me.

Take care, all of you.

[thouroghlyunhappy]

You made a wonderful point Irma--I totally agree.

But unfortunate for us--- most women find our small penises to be inferior

And then when you throw in the low or no self esteem, total lack of confidence, and the various mental problems that have developed as a result of this condition................well, you see where I'm going. Unfortunately, who we are --including our worth in society---is largely determined by the relationshps that we have with others. So if everyone that I meet believes that I'm an inferior loser, then that's how I'm going to be treated, irregardless of how I think about myself. This is a cruel, cruel world whether we like it or not.

But I guess it's not entirely hopeless. Me, I'm gonna continue to practice meditation, I'm thinking about getting more therapy, and I've decided that I'm going to roll the dice and go for the risky surgery as soon as I can afford it. I believe that surgery is the only fix for some of us. Sure, maybe some can accept this--but not everyone I need a penis! And if I can get one for 7-10 grand, then that's what it's gonna be.

thanks again Irma

[IrmaJean]

I have learned to meditate recently as well, and it does seem to help with any general anxiety I've been feeling. I think it's wonderful that you are taking steps to alleviate stress in your life. It's great that you are open to therapy as well.

When I offer different thoughts or ways to look at things, please know that I never wish to deny anyone's pain or struggle. I'm listening and I hear you. It's true there can be cruelty in this world. I am saddened that you are hurting. I hope we can all make a small difference by offering one another kindness and support.

Take gentle care.

[thouroghlyunhappy]

This is sad. It's like, we're so hopeless that there's simply nothiing else to be said, lol.

[IrmaJean]

Maybe try reframing this? You're feeling hopeless. That way you don't attach a label to yourself, and you leave open the possibility for feeling hope in the future.

Have any of you ever heard of cognitive dissonance or confirmation bias?

[Thermonuclear Warrior]

We're worthless because our penises are fractions of an inch off from the majority of the population. That is a naive and poor attitude to have. If we were so worthless, go ahead and explain to me why China and India are so ridiculously over populated? Those countries have lower averages than the USA. From a physiological standpoint, there is no benefit to having a larger than average penis. You are just as capable of performing the bodily functions necessary for reproduction. I think it's time that all of the low average and slightly below average people such as myself to realize this.

Sure I could potentially invest thousands of dollars into my penis and then keep it in traction and do all sorts of enlargement methods. In the end, I'm lucky if I'll be an inch longer and a fraction of an inch wider. Truth is, I don't think I'd be happy then either because of some other issue. I think that people like us really shouldn't be having this problem. The only reason we have it is because society has gone downhill. We wouldn't have this problem if we were a few generations older. Thanks to the Internet, tv, and pop culture bullshit, we have a made up mental disorder called 'small penis syndrome'

I highly doubt there was such a thing before promiscuity and pornography became mainstream. It sucks that I was born in the 80's. My generation is fucked. However, Ill try my best to be as optimistic as possible about my future,

[thouroghlyunhappy]

Irma, I'm not "feeling hopeless", I'm simply assessing the situation. Sorry though for saying "we're" hopeless...allow me to rephrase it as "I'm" hopeless. I mean, unless there's a wand that can be waved that will cause the women of the world to suddenly desire men with penises that are too small to be sexually functional, then I would say that I'm hopeless. Or, unless I can travel back in time to age 13 and live life all over again with a normal penis and and have normal life experiences, develop self-esteem, confidence, etc, like other normal men, then you can say that I'm hopeless. While I agree that there are perfectly okay people out there whom feel hopeless but actually aren't and can thus work through their problems and come out okay, I am hopeless and therefore feelings of hopelessness are perfectly naturally. Like, for example, a guy laying in bed dying of a terminal illness....he feels hopeless because he is hopeless, there's no way to re-frame it--- it just is, and so it is with me when it comes to being able to function and be happy like other men---I simply can't because I'm unable to be normal or have self-confidence or self-esteem. Hence I sit here at age 33 in my mother's home---un-employed, un-shaven, all-alone, and dysfunctional, typing words in a forum dedicated to men with small penises while all of my old friends are out working for a living, spending time with their wives, and/or taking care of their children, etc. Most of them didn't sleep alone last night, they all have options--those whom are single are chasing women and women are chasing them, they can call up girls for dates and booty-calls....I sit here alone, getting older....

Thermonuclear, sure our small penises might be okay in Asia--but we're not in Asia. Your right though, lol, and I'd actually move there if it weren't for the fact that I'm unable to do so due to my criminal record. I've thought about dating asian chicks here in the U.S before, but the fact that I've destroyed my life makes it nearly impossible to find an asian chick here in my area because they tend to be professionals and, understandably, have no desire to date losers like me.

thanks guys

[IrmaJean]

I would always want to respect feelings. I know I am myself very sensitive about mine. I hear that you are feeling hopeless. How can I help support you?

The point I was trying to make is that nothing can change if you don't challenge your thoughts and beliefs.

I spoke of cognitive dissonance. It occurs when a person can't hold two cognitions at the same time that clash with one another. Tension is especially strong when a person's sense of identity is threatened. In order to relieve this tension, the person will reject or self-justify one of the cognitions. This can explain why someone who has very low sense of self-worth feels threatened by new information that might suggest otherwise.

Confirmation bias occurs when a person holds a belief and then dismisses any information that doesn't go along with this belief.

I see a lot of this in these threads. Maybe something to think about?

I want to help and be supportive.

[thouroghlyunhappy]

I would always want to respect feelings. I know I am myself very sensitive about mine. I hear that you are feeling hopeless. How can I help support you?

The point I was trying to make is that nothing can change if you don't challenge your thoughts and beliefs.

I spoke of cognitive dissonance. It occurs when a person can't hold two cognitions at the same time that clash with one another. Tension is especially strong when a person's sense of identity is threatened. In order to relieve this tension, the person will reject or self-justify one of the cognitions. This can explain why someone who has very low sense of self-worth feels threatened by new information that might suggest otherwise.

Confirmation bias occurs when a person holds a belief and then dismisses any information that doesn't go along with this belief.

I see a lot of this in these threads. Maybe something to think about?

I want to help and be supportive.

My beliefs are based on reality. I've challenged my thoughts and beliefs with CBT and meditation, only to find out that my penis remains too small to satisfy the ladies, and this continues to be true regardless of what I think about it. At this point, the only thing that would help is if I were able to bring myself to accept the fact that I'll more than likely live the rest of this life without being able to have satisfactory sex and self-confidence. I do however appreciate your efforts to help, thanks.