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Why bother???


michmomof1
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Hi everyone,

It's been a while since i've been on here and i see that the website has changed. I am struggling big time with my depression. Im not motivated to do anything lately exccept read, watch tv, eat, and spend too much money that i end up regret later. i tend to keep to myself because everyone is not around when I need them andi am afraid to tell people and even my therapist the really big issues I have. I feel so alone,

I have a 12 year old daughter who i sent to colorado to live with her father and all hell broke lose. She ended up being put in foster care and I cant get her back. I did everything I am supposed to be doing but it wasnt enough. I have my own place, i have a college degree and i am going to therapy once a week or more If i need it. I dont know where to go or who to turn to i felt like i totally shut down. It seems like nothing I do is good enough for anyone anymore so i feel like what is my purpose on earth? believe it or not i want to live but i just hate feeling miserable it came to the point where I made my self throw up on purpose the other day and I dont know why I did it but I didnt do it again although I feel like it.

whats really pathethic is that I seem to be pushed aside by my friends and family these days and it makes me wonder if something is wrong with me. Poeple come around only when they need something or when its convient for them. I feel like well maybe if something bad happens to me that will get their attention is that crazy?

I really need someone to talk to, someone that wont judge me or criticize me for my mistakes. I feel like a failure, worthless, ugly, and depressed. I wamnt to check myself into a hospital but I am afraid itll make things worse. i would love to know what type of coping startegies I can use or where I could go.

Thanks for listening.

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I'm sorry you are feeling so down. :( It must be very difficult for you if your family and friends aren't being supportive. It's good that you are reaching out for support. If it is challenging for you to express your feelings verbally, maybe you could print your post out and bring it to therapy? I hear that you are feeling afraid to be open with your therapist about the place you're in right now, but maybe he/she could help?

Take care and feel free to continue expressing yourself here.

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FWIW I read your post and much of it I could have written myself. I don't have a child but I have heard from others that dealing with CPS (child protective services) can be a nightmare. Sounds like you have a lot going on that is right to be upset about. My main coping strategy lately is meditation. If your friends are not reaching out to you maybe you could decide to reach out to them? This is something I have to deal with a lot in my own experience. If I don't initiate contact I can get isolated pretty quick. I also don't know what I'm doing wrong but when I reach out to others it tends to go okay... so I am not sure if people do it on purpose or if I am easy to forget and people don't think to call. Sounds pathetic I guess but all I can do is accept my friends for who they are and be the one to initiate if I want to do anything.

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