broken

[eppursimuove]

hello ppl, im feeling like shit.

in the last 2 weeks my life has turned around 360 degrees, what is supposed to be a happy story now is not.

i had my girlfriend pregnant and at 8 weeks pregnancy stopped, so no twins for us. and this really made me sad but to make it worst my girfriend has gone into a depression and for what i can see she will probably end our relationship.

she hardly speaks to me, she dosent want me around anymore. she saiys she needs to talk to me after she recorbers so at this point she dosent know if she wants me or not.

so i feel so sad, ive been crying a lot. its the first time i have feelings for a women, I dont like putting a lot of feelings in people, and now that I did this happens, i was so happy with her and the news of having babys with her made me even happyer, how can this happend i dont understand ive been fuking praying since the day i knew she was pregnant i feel frustrated i dont undestand why i even belive in God. i want her to be ok and i also want to be with her.

:( :(

At this point i just want to leave everything and drop dead.

i feel like shit and i don't know what to do and as days pass i just feel worse and worst. i feel really useless and empty

i wish my head could stop thinking, i went to my psychologist on Friday and i called her yesterday and maybe ill see her and my psychiatrist today.

I made a great effort to be with her, we were going to live together, she lives in another city so maybe ill never see her again not even on the street .

[IrmaJean]

Epp, I am so very sorry for your loss. :( I hear your sadness and pain. Do you have support there at home? All of us grieve differently and possibly your girlfriend needs some time? I hope there is someone there with you to listen and offer you comfort. I also hope you able to see your therapist today. Feel free to express yourself here. We are listening.

[Lana73]

I am so sorry about the news....

I agree with IrmaJean and to me it looks like your girlfriend shut down because she is grieving.

I am sure that she also has feelings for you, otherwise she wouldn't want to have children with you. Give her some time. I know it's easier to say than done

At the meantime we are here for you.

Hugs to you.

[eppursimuove]

i just dont undestand anything. maybe im not supose to.

[Lana73]

You know that it's no one's fault, especially not yours. It was just something that happens with a lot of women.

I know that it must be confusing for you and feels like your lost faith in being happy one day.

Try to stay strong for both of you.

[IrmaJean]

I hear your confusion. Sometimes life doesn't make sense. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[eppursimuove]

i know its no ones fault, but i dont undestand why she dosent want me anymore. i just want to be happy after a life of been sad i finally had a small happy moment and now this.

ill try yo be ok. im just so angry and sad.

[LaLa]

i dont undestand why she dosent want me anymore

You probably remind her what happened, that's all. You were the father, so when she sees you, she has to think about the lost babies (=the lost dream she had build about your family life), that's why she chooses not to see you - to avoid this constant association. If she's able to grief in a healthy way, then this should probably change after some time.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad...

[eppursimuove]

ive been crying all day since i woke up, i dont know how to handle this feelings. i feel so sad.

i have to work, and the other day i was working and crying at the same time, i hate this.

[Lana73]

Thinking of you today.

[IrmaJean]

You're grieving, Epp. Anything you are feeling is okay. Emotions can be very strong and erratic. I'm sorry for your pain. We are sitting with you.

[Andromeda]

Im so sorry epp. Im thinking of you too

[eppursimuove]

thanks ppl, im feeling a little better.

i hope she recobers so we have a talk, at least to know if she wants me or not and end this or try to be together again.

she just cant decide at the moment she dosent know what to do ill just have to wait until she feels better, now ill just text her support sms from time to time. i think its better for me to let her have time with herself, speacially if she dosent want me around at the momment.

i cant belive this can be so fuking sad.

[Lana73]

I think that is an excellent idea, Epp. Let her know that you respect her decision to be left alone right now and that you will be still there for her when she is ready.

[IrmaJean]

I hear that you are feeling sad, Epp.

I can understand how the uncertainty of what is happening with your girlfriend feels very distressful for you. I think that giving her space and time is a good idea. I also understand that can be very difficult. You are doing a loving thing by listening to her needs. I hope you are able to receive support for yourself from friends who are there with you. We're always here to listen too.

Take gentle care.

[eppursimuove]

well im doing ok today, obcourse im still really sad but i guess its life and ill have to accept it.

i still have to wait until she recobers to talk cant belive how things can change so fast, one day we are happy and pregnant a couple of days later we are sad not pregnant and she dosent want to see me.

:(

i dont know how i can benefit from this, everyone tells me u have to take the best out of this, or something like maybe you weren't meant to be together

:(

i think i have nothing to do with her if she dosent love me anymore, i know its to early to make a conclucion coz i still dont know if she will dump me or not, but for the way she talks and treat me, besides the mother tells me things like "im so sorry u coulndt be happy together" and that kind of stuff makes me think even more that she will end this.

[IrmaJean]

Epp, you're feeling sad and it's okay to feel sad and hurt. When something happens so unexpectedly and there are major changes in your life because of it, it can be very frightening. It's all right to feel whatever it is that you feel. You opened up your heart and allowed your vulnerability. This is engaging life and embracing your humanity. I think it's a beautiful thing. I'm sorry you are hurting.

I have great difficulty with uncertainty as well. It's very hard to wait, knowing that you have no control over the choices another person makes, especially when you want so very much to continue your relationship with that person. It's difficult for you, but because you love her, you are respecting her will to choose. If it helps to express yourself more, we are listening.

Thinking of you today, Epp.

[Lana73]

How are you doing today, Epp?

[eppursimuove]

I'm trying to stay calm, but im thinking all day about this i just cant get it off my mind.

i call her some days others i just text her maybe i souldnt do nothing. i dont really know.

i really hope some time will heal her so she can be like before but i dont know if everything will be like before and that is just killing my mind. i need to be patient

[Lana73]

I know it is tough for you right now and I am sorry that you are hurting. I think that the time will heal you and make you both stronger.

Please take care of yourself.

[IrmaJean]

You are doing what you can to meet her needs in this, Epp. How can you take care of your needs right now? Can you get out with some friends, maybe do something for yourself? I hope you feel better.

Take care.

[eppursimuove]

ok so today she texted me to call her, and so i did and talked with her for a while. so at least she has shown sings of life, and i know she has an interest in me knowing how she is, or maybe she wanted to listen to me or something, so i hope this is a step on the right direcction.

[Lana73]

That is great! I am glad that she is opening up to you.

Hugs to you! Keep up posted.

[eppursimuove]

im ok, im really sad but ok, i talked to her today and as she spoke i asked about us, and she let me know there is no "us" she said she dosent want to be with anyone i spoke very calm and asked some questions and got her almost screeming at me just coz i made her saw how i felt and how i not only lost a future baby but also lost her at the same time, and she really got mad. i sed u know what we better talk about this when we calm down i dont want to loose contact with u, we will talk about this when u recober, so now ive decided to not call her anymore until the day we meet again to talk about it, but the relationship is over.

so i am alone, maybe its better this way i dont really know. im just going to keep working going to my therapist and next year ill see what life offers im done for the rest of 2012.

i never put feelings in women first time i do this is what happends. but she got me out of the bubble i guess, now i dont want to be alone like before and i would love to have a baby, so maybe this is something good and i also want to do more things like get a better job, etc, i also gained weith i was really skinny, I also started to dress better and not look a beggar, and most important now i know i can be happy. so it really got me thinking in a lot of stuff.

the sad part is that i still love her and this is something that only time will help me forget. and the wound that the day when she told me she didnt love me anymore from one day to another i was like in shock i just counldt belive how someone can erase all their feelings in 1 day and be so mean, this ill certanly remember for ever and if i love again ill be more prepared.

thanks for the support.

[Lana73]

I am so sorry to hear that, Epp. And yes, you will love again.

I am so happy you were able to list all the positive changes that you went through. It feels like you realized how much life has to offer.

I understand that it hurts a lot right now, but maybe you can look at this as a beginning of new chapter in your life,

Try to get busy with doing things that can secure your future such as looking for a better job, continuing with your education. And the rest will fall into places.

Glad you are doing better. You are stronger than you think you are,