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Self injury


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I think my boyfriend is very good at learning and speaking my language and I have told him I think he is clever. He has been little annoyed a couple of times the two three times I didnt understand what word he was saying to me ( in my language ), I can understand his frustration. But today he didnt only get annoyed, he gave a 3 minute long reprimand why dont I understand him because all other does and that even children does and I know of course he said children because he felt maybe hurt I didnt understand him.

I nearly started to cry at the worst because I would never do on purpose not understanding him, I dont mean anything bad when I dont understand at first and its not often. He said he knows that. I really understand his frustration, but today he hit himself in the head at the same time he was annoyed with me. I talked to him please not hit himself and that I did understand his frustration but that its only a couple of words and that it will all be ok...I stroke him and talked and comforted him so to make him relax.

He said he has had this anger, not controlling himself, since like 10- 12 years, that he just want to hit around him and explode, showing his fists go in each direction. ( because of war he has experienced ), but that he dont like to be like this..

I love him and understand him and want all the best for him...I am just wondering can self injury towards oneself turn outward so he hits me instead?

He said he has never hit anyone before, but after we talked he said "then I hit him or he hit me" ( he was referring to the past when they have been angry at each other, for example ).

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I think he needs to seek some anger management. I know he said he would never hit you but in the end if he has a trigger and doesn't notice and you get hit then what. The best part is for you to support him through it if you do love him. I may be off base with this but it is what I would want someone to tell me if I had a violent tendancy.

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Thanks for your opinion...I do love him and I hope he will not be angry a next time as it makes me little nervous if I should happen to not understand him again...but before he went home...when I said its only a few times I dont understand him right away...he then agreed saying that yes it would be better and that he had to try learn not to anger so quickly...

I agree that he may need some management...but I dont feel I can say that to him...he has been some annoyed in other ways too...not sure to call it blackmail but a couple times he has said something inappropriate and I got hurt/insulted/offended and if I complain he threaten with leaving ( not the r/s but like leaving the flat and go home ) if I dont stop expressing the hurt. He then get a more stiff body language like he wants to stand up from the sofa and leave. And annoyed if I write one letter wrong googling for him, ( no matter the letter actually is right too ) on the pc to find something for him while he direct me what to write...so its very small things and he has admitted that it is just small things that sets him off..

I really hope his anger wont be directed at me...I read about healthy anger vs unhealthy anger...would this count as healthy anger or unhealthy anger? I think it can be both types as he expressed his annoyance but then the unhealthy anger as he hit himself and show physical anger.

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