Confronting someone about your small penis in reality....

[malign]

<Added: My apologies: it looks like I was a page behind when I hit reply ...>

Well, that's like the reverse of a philosophy ...

A philosophy would be something like "There's a lot more to a woman's pleasure than a number someone attached to my penis."

I certainly think "worthless to women" is a very long stretch from "my penis is a bit thin."

Among other very important questions, one would be "how do you know what women attach worth to"? Don't tell me, online surveys.

Count on it, dv: no one's immortal. That doesn't mean that we should go ahead and die; it means we have no alternative than to live now.

Edited February 3, 2013 by malign
Addition

[Cece.dedesl]

You're not screwed. My ex had smaller girth than you. We were married for 14 years. He even cheated on me and is now engaged to that woman.

I think if most of you would stop spending so much time worrying and stressing about your penises and instead went out and used them, you would all be much happier.

We all get rejected in the dating world. We all have negative experiences but the only ones who actually succeed are the ones who keep trying.

[Notdoneyet]

I'm still somewhat perplexed on these stated "averages" that the "experts" come up with. To start with, if you polled all the guys on this particular board who share this issue to see if they would be willing to undergo a measurement study done by "experts" and/or their aides, I doubt if one in twenty would be willing to expose their junk to strangers. So, if they come up with 5.0 to 5.5 as "average length" and near 5 in circumference as average circumference for Caucasians , it seems that a whole lot of the rest of the population is in the same pot with us.

This would indicate that the women who are complaining are either setting their expectations too high. Or, they are overlooking it in order to enjoy the financial benefits that a hard working meal ticket can give them.

[Jessie]

I have been in social situations where the topic of 'average' size comes up. Almost always the women will state genuine surprise the average is as low as 5 or 5.5.

Consensus from both sexes seems to be that 6-7 is medium or average. I don't know if its show boating or whatever, but its happened so many times over the years in so many different scenarios.

I know a couple of gay guys that are adamant its over 6- on the other hand I have read they may be a little bigger on average for genetic reasons.

So after researching this issue for 15 years I still dont know what the average is or whats deemed acceptable by girls...generally..

[malign]

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that few if any of the people who are offering a numeric estimate on those surveys have ever actually used a ruler on a penis. I certainly haven't, and wouldn't.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that there's no such thing as "generally". Women really are as diverse as men. As much as we might like to reduce them to a set of statistics to make things easier for us, the reality is that we have to take each individual woman as a separate human.

In that process, of course, there's a risk of being hurt. On the other hand, I think that if you're genuinely seeking a person (as opposed to, say, a vagina), you're a lot more likely to find a person (as opposed to, say, a penis-measuring device.)

[Jessie]

Hi Malign,

Well maybe you havent personally, but seriously, if you have NEVER done this you are in the 0.000001% of guys that never have. Honestly.

I don't know if girls measure live ones or get a ruler out to try and guestimate their partners in retrospect- all I know is they use numbers pretty confidently and happily.

I always think its horrid that women reduce men to such numbers- I mean I never think of women in those terms, I wouldn't know my A cup from D cup, or what the measurements of a petite girl are compared a to larger girl.

But women seem to know these things very accurately- well I guess they have to buy clothes and bras I guess.

On the other hand the penis is more directly critical for sex - maybe thats why (so many) girls are more interested in specific dimensions in that way.

Dunno...

[IrmaJean]

I've been married for 23 years. It's his. What else do I need to know?

What else is going on your lives? Do any of you go out and socialize and enjoy life? Friendships? Interests? Maybe it helps to embrace life...

[Jessie]

well a 'modern girl' would want to know if her partner is capable of satisfying her- and part of that is 'L & G' and is one of the reasons we smaller guys suffer as we do.

Its one thing we cannot bring to the party alas... and yeah its embarrassing, its a deal breaker, its a turn off, blah, blah, you know the script...

But Im still holding out for a girl who can look past that... naivety/optimism be damned..

[IrmaJean]

On the other hand, I think that if you're genuinely seeking a person (as opposed to, say, a vagina), you're a lot more likely to find a person (as opposed to, say, a penis-measuring device.)

This comment by Malign struck me. I think it's very true. If your focus is entirely on body measurements and sex, you may attract someone with a similar focus. If you connect with yourself and shine as the person you are, you may attract someone who appreciates you as a human being.

I don't know if girls measure live ones...

It almost sounds as if you are describing a fish or something...and not a part of a human being's body.

If it were me, I would have very quickly lost interest in anyone who wanted to "assess" me by the size or shape of my body parts.

...a 'modern girl' would want to know if her partner is capable of satisfying her...

Satisfaction means different things to different people. One may feel completely satisfied from the act of sharing itself or from simply being held and cherished. One may feel supremely content from the shared closeness and the intimacy. In fact, maybe that aspect of the act means the very most for some. I'm just suggesting to keep an open mind, if you can...

But Im still holding out for a girl who look past that...

I think it's a good idea to wait for a girl who loves and appreciates you as you are.

[Jessie]

Yeah... i mean... I know where you are coming from...

But most girls, just don't want to be 'held and cherished' only.... to most girls... thats kinda creepy.

They want a guy that is decent, with an ok job, that is attractive, that has an adult penis, with 'moments' of cherishment and holding.

I dont think most would hold it against a guy if they were say, 6 inches instead of 7. Some would I know, but not most.

However 4 inches is an entirely different matter.

Guys like us may be small, but we still want what adequate guys want, to have sex and be able to sexually satisfy- in addition to holding and cherishing.

We cant do that and it sends us a bit mad- its an exquisite form of torture- a relentless and appalling cruelty visited upon us like a malevolent hawk of vindictive destiny.

Yeah- I got an A in English and an E in cock. Ha- lucky, lucky me.

[Girlfriend-here]

What if a girl had sex with u and said it was great would u believe her Jessie or are u convinced u'd never satisfy a woman?

[Jessie]

Im probably not the best person to ask tbh- I think I have been a bit unlucky in that the 5 girls I have been intimate with (4 were proper girlfriends) they apparently considered size to be quite important.

So- Im not sure. There is so much contradiction, white lies, 'misdirection' when people talk about this etc that I never know what to believe.

I have seen so many women describe smaller penises with such disgust and denigration I suppose at a deep level maybe I never will believe I could 'satisfy'.

I mean - I want to believe the girls here- truly. But you know, its difficult....

[dvnJ22]

I know I wouldn't be convinced if a woman ever said that to me. to me it's unthinkable. Because if I were a woman even I wouldn't want me. Like said in my one post - I wish I was asexual. That way I wouldn't care too much.

[Notdoneyet]

Here's what many guys here want to hear.

"Women who say they don't care if a guy has and average or larger sized penis really don't

like sex and are just wanting to be with any guy simply for financial security."

If this is true, then there should be plenty of women out there for the guys

who share this affliction so everybody should be able to find somebody

(even if it doesn't need to be forever)

[Jessie]

you see i dont want to hear that I although I suspect its probably true for the small minority of women that would accept a small guy.

(not in including the women on this site I'm sure)

A women staying with me simply due to money isnt a huge step away from prostitution- not a nice thought.

Meh- maybe Im just overthinking everything.......

[malign]

Because if I were a woman even I wouldn't want me.

Isn't this pretty fundamental, though? Clearly, with a belief this absolute, no one else is ever going to make a dent in it.

That trite old thing about it being impossible to love someone else until you love yourself is trite for a reason.

[Jessie]

I didnt use to think this way about myself.

Its a self image that has emerged over time due to rejection. (and hearing womens views on size)

So now that someone has mentioned it... I suppose if i were a girl I wouldnt want me either.... I mean why would I ?

[malign]

I didn't say this way of thinking came by magic, but that doesn't have to mean it's "the truth".

As if there were only just one truth ...

You might want you if you saw yourself as anything other than an ambulatory dildo.

Which you are, despite the input you spend so much time seeking, I'm afraid.

If some particular woman or women posting on the internet, or the women who rejected you, think you are just a dildo with legs, I guess they're entitled to an opinion. I just wonder why you share it.

One of the things that bothers me most about modern thinking is the pseudo-scientific phrase, "all other things being equal." You're stuck thinking that these girls can find another guy who is exactly your equal in every way except he's larger, so they would obviously pick the guy with the larger penis, "everything else being equal." The problem is that nothing is ever "equal"; every single human is different. Now, sure, you might run into people too shallow to realize your uniqueness, but you're not required to function at their depth.

[Bundy]

every single human is different. Now, sure, you might run into people too shallow to realize your uniqueness, but you're not required to function at their depth.

No, they really aren't. It's a nice PC thing to say these days that everyone is a little sunshine filled with Unicorn farts and sugar from rivers of chocolate, but most people just follow the herd and place importance on the things that are viewed as important in their respective society.

Also, what's so great about being unique? It sucks balls. It only makes you stand out and be a target to 90% of the dicks who inhabit this hellhole. It's the mantra of the defeated loser.

Edit: "You might run into people too shallow..."

Let's exchange might with 100%, and on a weekly basis, and it's about right.

[malign]

It's probably the unicorn farts that makes them that way ...

Hey, it's possible I'm a defeated loser, in the eyes of your 90%.

Luckily, I don't give much of a ... fart ... what they think, and so far, that's working for me.

Be who you want to be.

1) You don't have much choice. And

2) You get fewer ulcers that way.

If you're not a herd animal, so much the better. But yeah, the herd might not like you being you; that's how herds work.

I don't know of choices other than fuggem or joinem ...

[Bundy]

I don't know of choices other than fuggem or joinem ...

And this is exactly where everything comes together again.

We small guys would love to join them, but because of our tiny members, we can't be a part of it, we have to be the social outcasts first who have to learn to only be 100% sure with who we want to sleep with, something that will stick you with the freak flag right from school, because these days, it's normal for teenage boys to engage in casual encounters. Always needing to worry about who or who may not humiliate you, spending twice as much effort into choosing who your friends are, living a life of constant shame where you have to lie to yourself that it isn't that bad...compared to starving in the third world, or being a child soldier for some degenerate warlorld à la Charles Taylor.

I already said it in another thread, but it's just an undignified life.

And there is another choice, that is a bullet through my skull, which I will do the first day my parents are gone.

[Jessie]

It is a healthy mindset Malign (yours I mean)

I do strive to be like that. Every day.

I dont think many people would know from looking at me that I have sexual issues.

So externally I give that impression- I have to work on the inside stuff I guess.

But I have found the rejection difficult and I am hyper sensitive to size comments in real life and the media-

I have to obtain better mental discipline - and maybe junk my computer too! (though I couldnt come here anymore if I did that)

[Jessie]

Bundy- I hear you... and I know the temptation to do that- truly.

But you and I will perish soon enough anyhow- no need to bring it forward.

My last attempt at partnership was a dismal failure and 'lack of dignity' is an understatement BUT Im over it now.

Some days I enjoy great food, have a laugh, get absorbed in a documentary- there ares till things in life to enjoy.

And Im assuming there are people in your life other than your parents. Don't entertain these thoughts.

ps I found prescribed drugs very helpful at times. Maybe worth considering a chemical lift with medical assistance and monitoring?

[IrmaJean]

Jessie, you seem to be open to some light and possibilities. I've never handled rejection all that well either, but it does help to work on the stuff inside. I'm a different person than I was 6-7 years ago so it has helped me a lot. How has your therapy been going?

[Jessie]

Hi Irma,

My therapy started badly, but I changed my therapist who is now awesome..... the sessions have really helped.

Im a lot more functional now. I am more in control of my emotions and decisions.

But I still loads of work to do.

I still have a difficult road and some of my days are very black... but not like previous years

I also have a great family and some good friends and colleagues... I have it better than a lot guys on here so I am able to count my blessings too.