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I've lost myself


medlem
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I can not spend another day at home. I feel I'm going crazy..!! Everybody need some kind of occupation, I don't have one. There is nothing that I could do. I don't even know how would my perfect life could look like (no dreams, no visions, no willing to do anything, no goal, no interest).

I need to get out of home.

I have considered all possibilities like Taking a walk every day (I am so depressed that it would make me feel lonely. And I can not walk without any reason. It feels really bad.)

Studying? (no, I quit caz I couldn't..)

Finding a job? (I really don't want to work in a shop or restaurant etc.) I don't have edducation to do something better than that. At the same time I have no idea who would I like to become.

I am so depressed as depressed one could be.

I'm letting myself go, I don't care about what I've been passionated about - I don't have energy to pick up a thought about healthy lifestile.

I know that there is nothing and no one who could help me. I don't know why am I texting this

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Hi Medlem,

I am so sorry you are struggling.

I think it is a good idea that you are sharing this with others.

Depression hurts. A lot. And you are not alone.

Last year I felt the same way you do now. For several months I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do with my life.

Everything seemed dark and I was hopeless. But then I got very busy with my life and things slowly went back to normal.

Can you set up just one goal for yourself? When you think negatively about all aspects of your life, it could feel like there is no hope , no future.

I hope I am not rumbling here:)

By the way, taking walks helps me A Lot when I feel down. I usually listen to IPod and watch other people :)

Hugs. Take care.

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I know that there is nothing and no one who could help me.

I think my therapist is mostly trying to help me locate the "person" who can help me within myself. She also "models" how to do that for myself. So she helps me with specific things but in doing that she also teaches me how to help myself.

I agree with Lana that it's good that you are sharing your feelings here. That's getting you "out" of the house, in a way!

Take care. :)

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Thanks for your comments!

It feels good that you both say that this was worth posting it. I really doubt everything I do lately. I am also not sure if I'm worth to be married with THE man. Sure I am, but my axious and low self-esteem do no good.. I think he doesn't see this part of me, and it's better he don't. But it doesn't leave me alone, I just can't explane the feeling..

Talking about my future plans, I understood that 1st I need to get back my confidence and feeling of inner comfort, peace. But I have no idea how to. I'm feeling deeply hurt and injured for absolutely no reason, I just want to hide myself. I don't want to go nowhere. Feeling like a kid who's scared of everything and running crying to hide in moms arms, safest place that he knows.

I do remember the 1st time in my life when I felt this way. I was 3 years old, it was the 1st day when my mom took me to kindergarden and 1st time when she left me there. I serriously thought that my mom left me. I stuck to the window, she waved and I was not heard for the 1st time. It was tragic moment. So I feel somewhat like that presently, broken, but there is absolutely no reason to that.

I think the reason is October. The worse moments of depression.

I guess I have high standarts for myself that I can't fulfill right now. This unability makes me feel lost and confused.

Anyway, thanx

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((((((( Medlem)))))

Sorry that you are in such pain. We are here for you. Did something happen that might have triggered the way you are feeling?

Do you get more depressed during fall? I know my depression worsens during summer.

I think getting back your confidence is a great start!

Take care, sweetie.

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I changed prozac to another antidepresant about 6 weeks ago. I take maximum dose. Prozac wasn't very helpful.

I can't believe how strong and deep this depression is that nothing can pull me out of it.!?

Like I said, nothing has happened.

Maybe I'm spending too much time doing nothing. And at the same time I can't do anything. I'm making plans but something inside me doesn't let me do anything. It is like a great pressure that I can't fight. I can call to my doctor but only thing he will say is to be patient.

It must be October. Last 2 years exactly in October I experienced the worse simptoms. 6 years ago I turned to psichyater for the 1st time ever. And it was October.

Patience is not good enough, this is damaging (I think)

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