broken

[chelliephant]

I never thought I would be on a website like this, asking strangers for help. I'm 22. From the outside my life looks pretty great. It's my last semester in college, I have an amazing boyfriend, my parents are loving and supportive; I have everything going for me. On the inside, however, I feel like a hurricane. It's hard to describe, but most of you will know that. I either feel so anxious and panicked that I can't go to class and I have to hide in the library away from people. Other times I feel so depressed I can't get out of bed and I would be more than happy to let life go on without me. The other side is where I am completely empty. I feel absolutely nothing and nothing affects me. This is unfortunately not a new thing I'm going through. This has been a part of my life since I was 19. However, I'm reaching out because it's getting that bad again. I feel like the only way out may be to just end it. I'm seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist but, I don't know, obviously it's not enough. I feel like maybe the only reason I haven't actually attempted anything is because there are people who love me and maybe it will get better. I've been saying it will get better for three years now. Maybe I'm done. I need help.

[finding my way]

Welcome to our community, chelliephant.

Did something happen to you at 19?

We have many members who can relate to struggling with trauma. We also have many that can relate to depressive thoughts.

You are doing a good job reaching out when you need help

Do you find anything helpful for soothing your pain?

I try to take one step back and observe myself and my surroundings. If I can manage that, I don't feel as swallowed up by what I'm feeling.