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What I mean is I'm not so strong right now.

Too much of feelings and thinking makes me feel sick.

I'm trying to create a vision about where and who I am. I have only abstract images in my mind where I am and where should I be.

In some of the pictures I see airplanes and airports. Sunbeams, light and warm blue early morning sky high in the air + "Bedshaped" by Keane is matching the vision. The rest of feelings I don't know how to explane, they are unique and they represent my essence. I haven't found anything to compare that with. It is something between me and God and my soulmate who passed away many years ago. But he's still here.

The closer I come to what makes me ME, my feelings become overwhealming, then it gets too much..

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think my life is based on emotions. I use to feel a lot. I ment that I get too many and too strong, intense feelings so it gets too much.

Every succes in my life is because of decisions that I made guiding by my feelings.

I've always tried to translate what I feel in words or any other visible way because I'm an artist.

By the way I start to feel that an artist is a diagnose since a psychiatrist said to me " you feel this way maybe because youre an artist". It's true but it's nothing good. Of course, I changed my doctor. It was like I had to prove that I'm not feeling okay. It was like another project that I couldn't take. A good doctor should react directly if a patient says that "I'm not feeling okay".

However lately I'm feeling on the contrary - I feel nothing. That's why I'm confused - I don't know what to say, what to do, to stand or sit.. I can't be without feelings. It's hard when it comes to love. I love my husband but I don't feel, I just know. During this period of no feelings I'm holding to what I know. I'm not talking much lately, I don't know what to say. I'm not responding much either, nothing seems interesting to me.

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