i can't cry despite pain

[tarun829]

I have been suffering from major depression for a long time now. I also have lots of other problem like family problems, career(for example no career), physical health, social life (no friends),etc

so basically there is a lot of pain in my life. lots of problems and pain. but i still can't cry even though I want to. At the most sometimes my eyes will well up slightly when I watch something sad on tv (that also only after trying). but I really want to cry, I want to cry my heart out, I want to sob. I have cried like that before also whilst I was still in depression but that happens once in a very long time. The last time I cried like that was in 2004. in my adult life, I must have cried like that only 2-3 times (I am 30)

now I know that depression (atleast in my case) causes apathy/impassiveness/empty feeling. so how do I overcome this to cry and feel better later on? is there any technique to do that? I think I just need to get it started, you know get the flow going and then it will sustain on its own. thanks for reading.

[malign]

Is crying the only way to release pain?

Other techniques I've heard used successfully include drawing and painting, writing, therapy, and a lot more.

It would seem that there's also a part of you which doesn't want to cry, and it probably has reasons that have some validity. Would it help to try to ask yourself if any part of you sees harm in letting yourself cry?

[tarun829]

@malign thank you for your reply. I do maintain a diary in which I note down my thoughts and analysis. it helps. but i still think crying is the most efficient way of releasing pain.

I don't think any part of me sees harm in letting myself cry. atleast I am not consciously aware of it.

[medlem]

Hello!

You can try listening to kind of music that connects to you. Then maybe you will feel a bit of drama in the air, you may feel sorry for yourself, maybe that helps to cry out.

However listening to music that fits you or your feelings can be very helpful. It gives extra space to your heart. It can take a part of the weight away. Find kind of music that your soul is "singing" along. You don't need to focus on lyrics but on the feelings that the music creates. And you will feel it wheter it is about you or not.

I am listening to different kind of music. Music can tell a lot about me and what I'm feeling. For example in my music list there is Depeche Mode, Lana Del Ray, religious hits and others.

[IrmaJean]

Hi. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time releasing your pain through tears. I cry often, and it does seem to help me.

A lot of questions come to mind. I don't know if any of them apply or fit with you.

Did someone from your past prevent you from expressing your feelings? How do you feel about vulnerability and allowing yourself to be vulnerable? Are you able to allow yourself sadness and pain? How do you feel about crying in general or when others cry?

Take care, tarun.

[tarun829]

@medlem thanks for your reply. I do listen to music at times even though I am not a big fan. If I like one song I will listen to it many times over. but it doesn't make me cry. I can't focus on the feelings that the music creates like you have mentioned. there are none. maybe its the apathy which is responsible for this. I don't know. I even sampled kill kill, million dollar man and others nothing worked.

@IrmaJean thank you for your reply. I don't have any of the issues with crying that you have mentioned. I have absolutely no negative perception of crying. I think its okay to be vulnerable sometimes if you trust the people around you. And I think its also okay for you or others to cry as long as they are not fake tears.

[nathan]

You first have to feel a high, then you can come down and cry.

[tarun829]

@nathan Thank you for your reply. Do you mean a sad high, when you are overwhelmed with sadness and problems? Or are you talking about mania- could you please elaborate?