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Quitting Porn (and masterbation) for the Better


pornisbadforyou
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Hello. I am new here but I am hoping to find some support. I must quit porn and I need something to deflect my addiction. I am hoping posting here will do that for me. My basic story is this: I have been masturbating to porn since I has 12 years old. From 12-16 it gradually increased in use. By 16 and 17 I was viewing porn up to 5 or 6 hours a day. I would masterbate to finish sometimes 20 times a day, I would literally keep going until my muscles to orgasm were firing off in vain, becuase I could only produce so much semen. I heard doctors say that masturbation was healthy, so i figured even extremely excess masturbation was okay. Even If I had been smarter, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. I was addicted. In highschool I never bothered with girls because I could see so much more online, and could get my fix there, so I never had a gf even tho girls were interested in me, I didn't care. I could see 300 of them in 10 minutes online. At 16 I started developing lots of anxiety and pretty much totally removed my social life anyway. Thats when the real addictions began kicking in.

Then one day I was trying to study (something I never did much of) and I had raging erection again. I was annoyed, I kept fantasizing about naked girls, this was still largely preporn addiction days in the sense that I didnt NEED porn.. At this time is was still excessive masterbation addiction. anyway this day I was so annoyed with this distraction that I masterbation with an excessive grip strength... as if I was unconciously telling my memeber down there to settle the hell down. Well, that was a life altering day. Becuase swelling ensued and I didnt get an erection for a good 40 days after. Major depression followed. I was never the same, no more 20 times a day. I never fully recovered from this. This made my game with real women non existant. I got performance anxiety and everything.

A year later I had recovered substantially. I had few real partners, and was fully into it. But this was only becuase it was new, my erections had never returned like that had been before. And once the inital excitement was gone, I was gone too. So this is when sex became a challenge. I had to constantly find new stimulus to get off. Internet porn was the obvious answer. What would take lots of time to get through courtship and relationships, I could get synthetically through pixels on my monitor instantly. Online, I'm always one click away from something new an exciting, which is the drug I need to get off. Huge excessive stimulus. While just looking at a girls lips or close proximity, or just the faintest thought of something female used to get me off, I now need everything and as much as possible at once just to get started. And the more I do this the more I need to do it.

So a little story that repressents basicaly what happens now: Last night I was with a girl I used to see regularly and was completely numb and felt nothing for her. When she left went to my computer screen and I got completely hard after looking at probably close to 200 different photographs.

I've been to a urolgist, he claims that physically everything is fine. I don't know if that is really true or not. What I do know is true, is that internet porn in not helping. It is perpetuated the problem. That fact that I do get hard to porn makes me think that I am actually okay physcially. In which case I have some neurological addiction (which technically is still actually physical, but something a urologist knows nothing about), this addiction is keeping me from having real relationships. And its getting worse.

I need to stop looking at porn, so that real women excite me again. I want to be able to post here whenever I have to urge to view porn, as a way of deflect it. I hope some people from here cans upport me along the way, becuase my addiction to porn is very strong, and will be hard to overcome, but I believe it will lead to some kind of recovery. I am completely convinced of this. And that goes for any other guys here who are addicted to porn. Some of you might not even realise you are addicted. I didn't realize for a long time.

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Welcome to the community, pibfy.

I'm sorry you are struggling with addiction. You sound like a very intelligent person who is determined to recover. This is a great attitude to have.

I want to be able to post here whenever I have to urge to view porn, as a way of deflect it. I hope some people from here cans upport me along the way, becuase my addiction to porn is very strong, and will be hard to overcome, but I believe it will lead to some kind of recovery. I am completely convinced of this.

We are here to support you along the way. Do you think that therapy might also be helpful?

I wish you wellness and healing.

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Thanks Irmajean. Today is my second day without viewing. And I have had to stop myself throughout the day. It is especially difficult at night, like now, when I have free time. Everything in me wants to view. I don't know if I can make it one week. My goal is to go a month without it. Im struggling pretty bad, I think I'll take walk or something. Doing anything will help.

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I'm also trying to cut back on porn viewing. It is extremely difficult. You are doing the right thing by substituting activities. I've learned that with any habit you can't just stop. You can only fill up your time with other things so that you don't end up doing the habit you want to quit. Even one day is an accomplishment. How are you doing so far? You said you don't know if you can make it one week. Is there room in your plan for slip ups? With addiction this is going to happen. The important thing is that you learn from them, and if you slip up less often each time, eventually you will string together 7 days to make a week porn free. Even if you view less that is progress.

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I've actually made it a week today. It has been difficult although this isn't my first attempt. But this time I plan on going all the way through. I simply not going to view porn, ever. At least thats what I hope to do. I've had many urges to start viewing over the week, but I've tried to look at each urge as a chance for recovery, and that has helped get me through a lot. It's a substitution for thoughts, in stead of thinking I need to look at porn, I am thinking this is my body and brain recovering. I havn't made room for slips ups. If i slip up, I just have to decide whether or not to start abstaining again, I dont know theres any in between.

BTW so far I have noticed changes, for instance I had sexual dream last night and woke up with an erection, something that almost never happens when I use porn all the time. But I think, this only being a week in, that any real changes of any permanant kind, havn't kicked in yet. I'm interested to see what a month does. Tho this will be very difficult to reach, I think I have the will power this time.

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