feeling sad and I need some advice

[Lie_low]

It’s a nationally known program, and it’s the only one of its kind that specializes in self-injury. The directors of the program have written a pretty well known book called Bodily Harm, which discusses self-injury treatment. I have read the book so I know what their treatment philosophy is. They also address body image and substance abuse problems, which appeals to me. I don’t know if I will have access to the internet but I will try to keep you guys updated.

[finding my way]

Let us know if you will be away from us without internet access. Some of us are worry warts:o (OK, speaking for myself). It sounds like a good thing to try.

[mscat]

It’s a nationally known program, and it’s the only one of its kind that specializes in self-injury. The directors of the program have written a pretty well known book called Bodily Harm, which discusses self-injury treatment. I have read the book so I know what their treatment philosophy is. They also address body image and substance abuse problems, which appeals to me. I don’t know if I will have access to the internet but I will try to keep you guys updated.

Are you going to go? there are a few of them around in different States. Your probably already aware that you have to sign a Contract , right?

I use to be in direct contact with Karen through Email once a week. She is the head Psych. And Author of that book you are referring to. I wish all the best, and hope that this program will help you recover. There is also a website fourm for Sier's through them. I use to post on there.

[Lie_low]

I hope that I will be able to go, but I haven’t even had an assessment yet and I don’t know if my insurance will cover it. I do know about the no-harm contract and I’m okay with that because I really want to move on and get better. I don’t want to self-injure anymore. I’m curious though, you were in contact with Karen, why didn’t you take part in the program? Were you unwilling to agree to the no-harm contract?

[mscat]

I did not take part in the program because there is not one in my State, and becausse I will not leave my son for that long of time. The no harm contract does not bother me so much as it does to go out of state and be so far away from my one and only child. I am a single parent, and he is autistic.

Are from that State where the program is offered? I thought the assessment was done over the phone?

[Lie_low]

That makes sense. I’m not a parent but I can understand how difficult it would be to leave your child for that amount of time. If I do go I will have to travel out of state to get there.

[finding my way]

Lie_low, what is happening for you now? Are you doing OK?

[Lie_low]

I’m doing fine, thanks for asking. I have been seriously trying to use other alternatives to self-injury and drinking. I have just been debating whether or not I should actually go to that treatment program. I’m having trouble making up my mind about it--caught between wanting to go and thinking it would help me but at the same time thinking that my problem isn’t that bad and not wanting people to find out about it.

[mscat]

I’m doing fine, thanks for asking. I have been seriously trying to use other alternatives to self-injury and drinking. I have just been debating whether or not I should actually go to that treatment program. I’m having trouble making up my mind about it--caught between wanting to go and thinking it would help me but at the same time thinking that my problem isn’t that bad and not wanting people to find out about it.

Lie Low,

The thing is, thinking that your SI is not that bad means that with the extra help your going to be able learn new ways of coping and use these skills so you will be able to stop the SI once and for all Won't that be great? Truthfully, your not going to ever want this Si thing to ever want to sneak back in your life ever again when your older. now is the perfect time to go into treatment. It really is nobody's buisness why you are going. I can understand the not wanting people to find out. SI is highly personal and I even try to keep it to myself as much as possible. I still think nobody needs to know about it .It is all about taking care of yourself. This is the perfect chance.

[Lie_low]

Thanks mscat. I still don’t know what I should do. I am feeling really horrible right now. I have been up since 2AM trying so hard not to give in and hurt myself. It’s just that I am so sad and I don’t know what to do. I just want to feel better.

[Lie_low]

I’m sorry to double post because I’m sure this is really boring. I don’t want to be rude or needy but I was hoping someone would reply to give me some encouragement. I guess I should have just asked for it directly. If I had anyone in real life to talk to I wouldn’t even bother to post, but I don’t. I keep everything to myself and I don’t know how to talk with people about anything personal, so it is especially hard for me.

[malign]

Oh, Lie_low, the only reason I didn't reply earlier is that I didn't know if it would help. Please try to hold on; I know it's hard. We're here, we're listening.

There doesn't have to be anything specific wrong, but if there is, can you tell us about it, maybe get it out of your system?

[Lie_low]

I guess the issue is that I have used self-injury and drinking to numb myself from what I am feeling. Now that I am trying to give those things up, I am overwhelmed by the painful emotions because I’m used to just distracting myself from them. I have been crying all day and that rarely used to happen.

I am listening to this song to cheer me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inNQTSnHTH4

[malign]

Mmm, sorry,

Work doesn't let me get to anything streaming, so I can't listen with you.

Do you have any other substitute coping methods lined up? Would it help to post about what's making you feel bad?

[finding my way]

Lie_low, what is bothering you today?

[Lie_low]

I don’t know why I’m feeling so bad. I’m trying to use exercise as one of my alternatives. I think I will go for a bike ride right now.

[malign]

Keep in touch ... well, I may have to go home eventually, but hang in there. I also remember a post some time back about things to do rather than SI, maybe it would help to look through that again.

You can beat this.

[finding my way]

I hope you get to see an animal on your ride. When you open to nature, I find there is always a response or a message in the things you see.

I got to hear your music video... thanks for introducing me to this group!

Edited April 2, 2009 by finding my way

[Lie_low]

Thanks to both of you for your replies. I really needed the encouragement. Most of the time I feel overwhelmed by my problems--like I’m too weak to fight them. Finding my way, I completely agree with what you said about nature, I think that’s the reason that I look forward to riding my bike so much. It’s soothing to to just take everything in. And I’m really glad you liked the song!

[JustTrying]

Hi ... I rarely post in the self - injury section anymore because I am scared I will say the wrong thing.

I have a few scars that probiably only I can see. But I know the feeling. I sat here the other night wanting to cut soooo bad. wANTING TO "escape" from the world .. to have release. I didn't do it and I am sooo glad that I didn't. Summer is almost here. I just now healed enough where I can wear summer clothes and not cringe too much. That would look cute with scabs all over.

Why do we do harmful things to ourselfs??/ Not just cut, but also the drinking.. I do that too. FALL DOWN, HURT MYSELF AND DO CRAZY THINGS. Why would anyone purposelfully do that? I do not have the answers. But coming here and reading about it ( or the feelings) that others also feel the same sometimes help me.

I long to "Feel" like other people... you know the ones you see that seem like they have it all together..... What is funny is that there are some poeple that are actually "Jealous" of me.... of course they only see one side of my life.

People deal with things diffrently. Some become the class clown... some get drunk and cry.. some want to get angry and fight... some just pretend that life is honkey dorey and ignore life. But I can go on because I tell myself that EVERYONE has problems, issues or thoughts,.... maybe not the same as mine but that is life and it is something we can all survive.

When you first quit drinking... you are right .. the pain, the fears, the insecurities seem to be magnified. Make you or us want to run back to the bottle or the blade... but that is the easy way out. WE CAN DO THIS! Just like people in abusive relationships return to the abuser.( I n this case we are our own abuser) It feels safer. It is known. Fear of moving on and the unknown can be a terrible fear.

Hang in there. This will pass. right now it may not seem like it. Will the thoughts ever completely go away? I do not know but as you get stronger and learn new coping skills it will become easier.

Just My Humble Opionion....... JT

[mscat]

Lie Low,

I am sorry I had not see these latest replies:( And I really hope your in a better place now . There was a time that I was a crazy bike rider:) I did not not drive. Or know how to drive a car as an adult I really love to cycle. I'd jump on on my road bike. one that had special pedals that locked in my shoes . I would also ride for miles every weekend. And commute to work the same way. For me, I always could never do something just a litte bit. It was always to the extreme. ANd it was always to the daring. I took that bike up a mountain, and over enormous hills where their was very dangerous drivers speeding along beside me. (sigh) Those were the good old days....

Sometimes what happens when trying to stop one or two self destructive behaivors is that a person may pick up anther behavior to replace it. It is not on purpose either. This might be spending too much, driving too fast, eating too much, smoking, drugs, spending on things they do not need, gambling, I believe you understand what I am getting at.

The sadness that you were describing , to me seemed a lot like depression. Are you in therapy? Is there anybody supporting you and are you talking to anyone professionaly?

[Lie_low]

Thanks both of you for your replies. I am in therapy now. I have been honest with him about all of my problems with drinking and si only because I’m so desperate to move on and get better. I’m trying to be more open but so far the only people I can discuss my problems with are you guys and my therapist. I don’t feel safe talking to anyone in real life. the problem has been that I want so much to give up these destructive ways that I cope with things, but when I do, I feel like I can’t go on.

Mscat, I completely understand about taking things to the extreme and shifting one bad coping mechanism to another. That is something that I’m struggling with right now. My therapist seems to focus on me stopping the si, but I want to give up the drinking, si, and the binging on food. I am so overwhelmed because it has become a cycle that I can’t get out of. I hate my body. I would like to lose weight so that I won’t hate it so much. I think that I need to stop drinking in order to lose weight. When I stop drinking I tend to obsess about food and eat too much. When I eat too much I want to punish myself through self-injury. I don’t know how to break the cycle. I feel like its driving me nuts.

[finding my way]

Does it help to practice here giving voice to what is bothering you? Maybe if you can tell us about the difficult feelings you are having, it will get easier to say to someone around you that could be one of your support persons. You can practice saying the good feelings you are having too. We have both, even though sometimes it feels like the negative ones have more power.

[Lie_low]

It’s pretty boring really. Basically I feel anxious constantly and I can’t stop thinking that everything that I say and do is inadequate or stupid, even the things that I post here. I get so angry and frustrated with myself and I just want to quiet all the negative thoughts, but I can’t seem to drown them out.

I do have good feelings sometimes, like when I’m riding my bike or hanging out with my sisters or her nephews. Pretty often I laugh at work and that cheers me up. I try to be happy when I am at work and it seems to improve my mood. But then often times later on I am feeling just as miserable as I was before. It kind of confuses me because I don’t know why it happens.

[finding my way]

Lie_low, that isn't boring, and is certainly something I can relate too and so can others. I would call it burdened. You're bearing too heavy a burden and you can't find relief. When you are out in the world exercising or working, there is the sense of a better balance in the matrix around you, so the negative stuff isn't so dominate. Left to yourself that balance disappears, and the positive stuff in the scales evaporates tipping you way to the negative. Is there any way to unburden you of some of that weight-- the weight of harsh beliefs about yourself? Or, is there any way to create an environment within you that can hold on to the positive a little better when you are on your own? Do you feel hostile to positive things? Or do you feel unable to do anything about the negative parts of your life taking you over? Please do not be hard on yourself for talking about it. Can you see that we are all struggling here, and just trying to support each other? I am convinced a person really can't do this by themselves. For some reason we aren't made that way. Needing others is what damages us in some cases, but it is also what saves us. Go figure!