Not sure what to do.

[Rogeb]

So this is technically a relationship problem, I originally registered on this forum for a different problem. Managed to get passed that one but onto a new one and I have no idea what to do.

Wall of text ahead be warned, have to give you guys the best picture in order to give your best advice.

Well I'm 21 years old, been into drugs since I was 15. You name it I've done it in the largest quanity I could. Started with drinking when I was 15, started smoking weed shortly after, around 16 started doing ALOT of cocaine. Then the day of my 18th birthday, mom diagnosed with cancer (she survived) started smoking meth, 3 months later busted in stolen car with meth on me, 3 months of drug treatment + 2 years of probation about 4k in fines later I am a free man with no trouble and a steady job. Also doctor said he suspected me as a schizo (no I do not take medications, scared to go back thats another story for another day).

Now being that my step dad was in the airforce we moved ALOT never really had friends, I tend to play video games for fun and to well talk to people.

Well being that I have been sober for 3 years and held my job for 2 of those I am kind of a normal person, my paranoid state only happens when I am not confortable or someone says something and even then I can usally spot it and control my thoughts (or so I like to think).

My problem is as such, there is a cashier at my work. I thinks shes cute, she is always smiling and laughing. Exact opposite of me, she likes to flirt and she has mentioned in the past that she was learning disabled...I cant really tell, but she acts this way twards most of the employees, I think its cute as corny as that sounds but just keep reading. Shes 19 by the way.

Shes worked here for about a year and when I first started she always used to ask me personal questions stated as such "Let me guess what your doing tonight, nothing" I'd simply reply "Yep." Or my personall favorite "I wanna go see "Blank movie" but no one will go with me."

I figured she was trying to get me to spend my money on her.

I mean I think she was hinting at something, but bout day later shes talking about her boyfriend and i figured she was just doing this because she was bored.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was doing something near the front of the store, boss says "you got a secret admirer" I was like yeh right and started to walk away and right when I start to turn the aisle I hear one employee say "do it" and then I hear her say "I love you" and I glanced back real quick and kept walking acted like I didn't hear it.

Shes said that to me before in casual conversation, I just never pay attention I guess. I just cant put her personality in writing :/

I just don't know what to do here, I won't ask her to do someting (It is a workplace and I must be professional) and I just don't to create a ackward relationship.

I have been avoiding her like the plague for the past few months just to see if she tried to talk to me more, she didn't and the casual conversations have stopped so I assumed she was just having fun thats cool.

This came out of the blue which is why its bothering me, not sure if she is really intersted. I am not going to ask her I know proper dating says I have to but fuck that. Part of me thinks i'm just getting screwed around with boy other employees and i'm blowing it out of proportion.

I like to think I look pretty good, I walk 6 miles a day after work (3 miles one way). I can do that in about 54minutes. I stay busy to stay sober i guess is the way to put it.

I have never had a girlfriend, still virgin, never had a kiss, never held a girls hand, always been so caught up with myself or to stoned to realize if a girl was interested now I am not sure what to do.

Any questions/Ideas stuff like that would be great.

[finding my way]

Rogeb, are you able to ask yourself what kinds of relationships mean something to you? What would you like in your life?

You've had some major life challenges that made you swerve and regroup. Well done. Life will continue to place things before us... you get to decide if you want to start dating or if you want to try friendship activities with people. Maybe you could try some things, allowing yourself to process and discover what is right for you?