I could easily act on my thoughts right now...

[Kitkat1993x]

I feel so irrational, agitated and angry.

I just want to smash my face in, cut myself too deep or hang myself.

I don't want to eat from 1st December.

I'm not going to.

I can't write this anywhere else 'cause my friends are trying to recover.

I want to die.

One of the side effects of Quetiapine, which has recently been doubled in dosage for me, is Seroquel Anger.

Anyone heard of it?

I'm currently a disgusting abusive cow. I can't stand myself.

Help.

[malign]

Can you talk to your care team? They need to know about undesirable side-effects, otherwise they can't fix them.

Another thing is that you seem to be angry only at yourself. What is it that you've done that makes you think you deserve that?

Cows, as a species, are generally neither abusive nor angry (nor even that disgusting. Let's be honest: we all poop and fart.)

I'm sure you're aware that, although you can stop eating whenever you want, nothing much changes that way. It's not even that great a diet plan.

Why not work out what will change something?

[Kitkat1993x]

Can you talk to your care team? They need to know about undesirable side-effects, otherwise they can't fix them.

Another thing is that you seem to be angry only at yourself. What is it that you've done that makes you think you deserve that?

Cows, as a species, are generally neither abusive nor angry (nor even that disgusting. Let's be honest: we all poop and fart.)

I'm sure you're aware that, although you can stop eating whenever you want, nothing much changes that way. It's not even that great a diet plan.

Why not work out what will change something?

Yes, I could talk to them, they're available 24/7 but I have problems with talking to people on the phone.

I am angry at myself, I hate myself, I think I'm an absolute burden, disgusting and a horrible horrible person.

Haha, that made me smile, thank you.

Yes, I am aware and I have done it before. Last time I managed a month and it landed me in hospital. This time...I don't know where it will take me. I don't really care to be honest.

I don't know what will change it as I can't control it.

[malign]

I used to hate picking up the phone, too. I always felt like I'd be intruding, that the person I was calling would be busy and I'd call at the wrong time. Of course, it's just as likely they were idle and hoping someone would call.

Well, you're entitled to feel that way about yourself, but I hope it's okay if I don't think you're horrible without some sort of reason.

As for making you smile, I'm glad to help. Hopefully you see that it's not burdensome for me to think up fart jokes. ;-)

Actually, I rather like using animals as examples to think about how we live as humans. For one thing, you don't see many animals refusing to eat because it's the only thing they can control. Their lives are simpler, and they're aware that they control everything they need to. We humans live in a society, and we can think about our own actions in ways that are sometimes actually counter-productive. It's not hard for us to talk ourselves out of the only natural course of action ... Now, that's not meant to be insulting to you, but rather to shine a light on what sort of things you want to change that you don't control.

In fact, I may be more referring to myself: I did a fair amount of thinking I should commit suicide instead of the natural course of getting away from my ex. I just thought that wasn't possible; possibly I should just have got away, without thinking too much about it.

I have no doubt that you have the strength to stop eating essentially indefinitely. I'm not one who thinks mental issues are caused by weakness. Quite the contrary: I would say illness comes more often from an attempt to apply great strength, only in [edit]an[/edit] ineffectual or less effectual way.

Edited November 29, 2012 by malign
Changed to 'an'