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Night Anxiety


Jade
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Okay, I had hoped I wouldn't have to log in twice in one day, but I've been having a rocky week.

I haven't been officially diagnosed(yet) that I have an anxiety disorder, but it has gotten bad enough over the past year and a half to interfere with my life and force me to take my Mama's(who feels she has the will power to fight it. Lucky her) anxiety pills when it gets bad enough for a panic attack.

I've noticed my anxiety it comes out the most at night. I guess it's because night time lets me know I'm going to go through another long day and because the calmness at night is a double edged sword for me; it can get too quiet where I'm reminded of death so I make sure to have some kind of noise going on and the darkness causes me to feel a loss of security compared to the light of the day hours. I even have to sleep with a night light sometimes(and yet I have gothic interests. How ironic).

My night anxiety has been really rough for me because today marks the first month since starting my new job at a call center. A job that I hate so fucking much, but it pays good and I needed to get out of the house after nearly a year of unemployment before I lost my mind from the isolation. Despite being telling them that working the day shift was strongly preferred, I still got put on the night shift despite being one of the first to get hired(and yet people who were hired after me got the day shift. That really pissed me off). So, for 5 days a week I work a job that has me not leaving until 9pm and getting back home at almost 10pm.

My problem is not only do I work I job that I don't have personality for to begin with and having to work twice as hard compared to my other co-workers(who are two faced, power hungry gossips that I make sure to keep my distance from while still being polite to avoid tension), is micromanged(I hate people looking over my shoulder. It makes me nervous and easier to mess up), is extremely crowed during the first half of the shift(crowds make me feel smothered and I can hardly function), and the management of the deparment is unorganized unlike the other organized departments(disorganization is too chaotic for me. Chaos paralyzes me); but I have to work during the fucking night hours when my nerves love to shoot up. In fact, just a couple of nights ago I felt a panic attack coming on and had to run outside to let the cold air numb me enough to be able to get back to work.

Let's just say by the end of the week I'm fucking exhausted. Today is my day off(Thank God) and I've prepared myself sto spend my days off being so emotionally drained that I don't leave the house unless necessary until I can hopefully find another job that won't be so emotionally stressful.

I know how to cope with my night anxiety so I'm just asking am I the only one who has their anxiety triggered the most by night time?

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Hi Jade. No, you're not the only one. While I now find that I'm most anxious in the mornings (likely the result of the fact that, like you, I have a job that causes me no end of stress and tension), nights really used to get to me. Something about the quiet and the stillness let my mind run wild. It's not nearly so bad now, but if I'm alone in the house at night, I need to make sure there's plenty of bright light, and I need to find things that fully occupy my mind.

I am sorry you are having such a tough time, both with your anxiety and your work. I hope things get better for you very soon.

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