Girlfriend Here

[Jessie]

Came back early from Xmas at my folks- I couldnt stand the sympathy radiating from my sister ( becuase she is in love she feels everyone should be).

As I'm alone with time to kill I did my usual thing of more net research- discovered 'The O Tapes"- a 2006 documentary.

There was a section completely devoted to size and 18 girls were taped on this particular section- guess how many of the 18 though size mattered.....

and then there was this lovely quote:

The O Tapes, a 90-minute documentary featuring frank, candid interviews with women from all races and sexual orientations about sex in all its varied forms. It was refreshing to see women so unembarrassed in relating their experiences, even going so far as to admit that their current sexual relationships were less than satisfactory (how many woman can go on camera and basically diss their lovers?).

One of the interviewees cut to the chase in discussing the "lack" she found in a former lover, whom she described as the "prettiest" man she'd ever seen but who also was unfortunately the least endowed of all her lovers. "What can I do with that?" she cackled the question she put to him; you can just imagine the humiliation the guy must have felt.

Its gonna be a great 2013 for me it seems....

[dvnJ22]

I am a religious man, but this Friedrich Nietzsche qoute always makes me feel better: "To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities - I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures." I like it becuase it's true.

[Jessie]

me- I would rather enjoy my existence rather than endure it.

I know there are others things in life other than love or sex or self esteem, but the sunshine just isnt that bright in my world, food doesnt taste so great and flowers have no scent....

[Cece.dedesl]

Sometimes allowing ourself to enjoy the simpler things in life, we find true happiness. I think when we focus on what we feel we don't have, we forget to appreciate what we do have.

We all have things in our lives that should bring us happiness but we tend to focus on the negatives. The negatives get all of our attention. That seems wrong however, it does seem to be way most of us are wired.

[Jessie]

yeah, human nature I guess...

gosh I hate this time of year so much....

Ebineezer at your service....

[GoodWoman]

Hey all,

Nothing specific to reply to, but I just wanted to say that this forum is REALLY helping me understand Small Penis Syndrome and that's very helpful for me overcoming an abusive relationship. I had NO IDEA that my ex really felt this badly, and felt this insecure, just because if his member. I internalized so much of his craziness as a reflection of my own flaws. I understand now how common this is and how horrible he must have felt about himself, even though I never thought his size was much of an issue.

Thanks for your candid tales.

For the guys here, I hope you are able to really hear us women in saying that it isn't your penises that destroy sex & relationships, it's the insecurity issues. I know that's hard to believe, but it's the truth.

My ex was so crazily insecure, it drove me mental. The constant accusations of cheating, the hostility, the avoidance of sex....I stayed longer than any woman should've and I tolerated far too much horrible treatment.

It's eye-opening for me now to read how SPS manifests. I took it all personally. I had no idea.

I never thought his size was an issue...it was his crazy behavior and self-hatred! It destroyed us.

[Jessie]

Im sure you are right in your case GW, and I know Cece had similar experiences but in many/most cases it really is the size that is the issue- or 'deal breaker' as Cosmo would put it.

Did you read post 50 and 51 above?

In post 51 the answer is that 17 of 18 thought size important.

I know of a female sexologist in Miami who conducted 100s of street interviews and could not find a SINGLE girl who would accept a small penis.

Not a SINGLE one

[GoodWoman]

Bah. I've never been one to lie or sugar-coat anything... Size and shape impacts what kind of sensation you get from sex, but that doesn't mean one size = good and another = bad.

My married girlfriends have said numerous times that "size doesn't matter, it's how you use it". There is a lot of truth to that, both for big and small penises.

Lots of girls only orgasm from oral sex too. (I'm actually not one of them, I hate oral.) With that said, I came all the time from just plain penetrative sex with my small penis ex and never wanted him to go down on me.

With a big dick, you feel more friction on the vaginal walls, which is nice, but it isn't everything. The clit is where most of our orgasms originate, and as I'm sure you know it's on the outside.

[Jessie]

well not being a girl I can only rely on female opinion.

if they say small/thin= unsatisfying then thats their view and what can I say in response?

They talk about fullness and friction being important.

Not thats its everything but an essentai ingredient in 'addition' to skill, communication, stamina, lust etc- otherwise they would be 'settling' and missing out on a really enjoyable part of sex.

A part which 85+% of men are able to provide.

Look I know I dont live in Miami but Miami girls have the same attitudes as the girls in London- thats my reality- to have confidence here takes HUGE self-deception, thick skin or simple ability to absorb deep humiliation and rejection.

I know you dont feel that way about size anymore and I know, I really do, that you are not the only one, but still...Its... difficult.

[GoodWoman]

I feel yeah, I really do. Looks are REALLY important to me, moreso than other girls who go more for personality or money or whatever. For years I didn't feel pretty enough to pull a hot guy. I was soooooo intimidated by them and when I went out, I'd have to fake a lot of confidence just to talk to an attractuve guy. I always went for guys who I thought were weird or socially awkward instead.

I tell people this now and they can't fathom this. I'm a pretty girl, by most standards. Again, not a Maxxim model, but undoubtedly hot. But I never believed that anyone would find me attractive and, as such, I've shied away from soooooo many opportunities in life.

I regret it.

Some guys find me irresistible, some don't. Some prefer big titted brunettes -- that ain't me!

Find the girl who finds you, as an entire package, hot shit. (And vice versa). Just keep trying.

Believe it can happen. You really don't have a choice!!!

[Jessie]

GW,

A hot girl like yourself can find guys she likes.

In fact most days you will meet a guy where mutual attraction is there.

Unless you have something highly unusual under your skirt you are not in our boat.

It's harder for guys to pick up girls in the 1st place most of the time.

But guys like us have it so much harder because even if we do manage to pull, we then have the hurdle of the size issue, a hurdle that's usually too difficult for the girl.

put it this way, I'm ok ish looking, tallish, nice, decent, etc and in 3 decades of life have never found someone who could accept me.

I will keep trying, as you say, the other choices are suicide or celibacy, neither of which are especially alluring.

[LoverGirl]

me- I would rather enjoy my existence rather than endure it.

I know there are others things in life other than love or sex or self esteem, but the sunshine just isnt that bright in my world, food doesnt taste so great and flowers have no scent....

Jessie.. I am sorry to hear you are feeling blue. It is weird... but listening to the Rolling Stones song "Paint it Black" helps me. try it.

[Suzi]

Hi everyone, My first post. I have met a wonderful, handsome man. We have been out together a couple of times and got along great. As we get more intimate things seemed a little "off". Then this last time were were together he told me how insecure he is about his small penis and his performence. He has been made fun of/damaged thru 2 marriages and several girlfriends. I had no idea this even happens. Do we have a chance at all if he assumes from the beginning that he is going to disapoint me? Suzi

[malign]

Hi Suzi.

It seems to me that you may have a chance if he's willing to question his assumption, and you may not if he can't. But in the end, only he can tell you that, and only he can take the risk that he won't disappoint you.

About all I can suggest is to support him and reassure him, but possibly in indirect ways. After all, if you want to be with him, just be with him. There's a chance he'll see that he matters more than his penis size, though you have to be prepared that he might not.

The belief itself goes back a long way, and perhaps more importantly, the belief is that the problem is physical and therefore not changeable. That's not necessarily true, but it makes men with this belief less likely to seek help in changing the belief.

[Suzi]

Hi Suzi.

It seems to me that you may have a chance if he's willing to question his assumption, and you may not if he can't. But in the end, only he can tell you that, and only he can take the risk that he won't disappoint you.

About all I can suggest is to support him and reassure him, but possibly in indirect ways. After all, if you want to be with him, just be with him. There's a chance he'll see that he matters more than his penis size, though you have to be prepared that he might not.

The belief itself goes back a long way, and perhaps more importantly, the belief is that the problem is physical and therefore not changeable. That's not necessarily true, but it makes men with this belief less likely to seek help in changing the belief.

[Suzi]

Sorry. lol said I was new. Thank you for the welcome. It is just so sad that i meet what could be the perfet guy for me. Then this baggage. I could care less what size he is.. . I would just like a mutually supportive relationship.

[Jessie]

then let him know you like/love him and want to be with him.

I don't know the specifics here but be patient with him- hes likely had a lifetime of negativity thrown at him about his size.

Hie exes may have been tactless or outright cruel- so the baggage may be ingrained.

[Perseverance]

Sorry. lol said I was new. Thank you for the welcome. It is just so sad that i meet what could be the perfet guy for me. Then this baggage. I could care less what size he is.. . I would just like a mutually supportive relationship.

According to some people on here girls like you don't exist.

[Jessie]

Perseverance,

I know you want to help P, and Im delighted you have had good experiences but some guys will NEVER meet girls like this- it depends how life pans out.

To give you an idea, this a quote from a female survey done by a lower grade UK tabloid:

-----

"LISA: So do you like a big one?

CLARE: Yes, I do think size is important. I have done it with a bloke with a little thin one but it wasn’t very satisfying. I like a big one that’s nice and thick, so you can really feel it.

LISA: Yes, the fruit and veg man used to have a big one. I think his was the biggest I’ve seen and because he was my first I’ve got high standards when it comes to willies. I only really want to sleep with guys who’ve got one that’s as least as long as my pencil case!

------

LIZ: So, you like a big one, then?

JENNY: Well, you know, I like it to be a decent size, not a tiddler. You know, you want to be able to feel it don’t you?

LIZ: Of course! I’ve only ever done it with one lad with a really big one and I was a bit scared of it at first. But once I managed to get on top of it I was fine. I really enjoyed it actually, but my legs were killing the next morning because I’d been on top and had to do a lot more work than normal, you know, going up and down on top of it, because it was so long!

JENNY: Ha, ha, that’s one of the down sides of a big one. They are more work. And if you do it from behind they can be too big! Get the guy to go on top next time. I like a big willy as well. I think girth is the most important thing though.

-------

DAWN: Do you like a big one, Vic?

VICKY: Yes, I do. It never ceases to amaze me with blokes how you can never guess how big they will be. For example, Billy, the fat tractor driver, had a really short thin one, and yet he was about 6ft 2ins tall and about 4ft wide. Then once, I shagged this bloke who was the same height as me and quite slim, only 5ft 5ins, and he had a really massive one, it was about eight inches and soooo thick, it made my eyes water. He was tiny but it was like he’d supersized his willy, and because he was small and slim, it made it look even bigger. He was a great lay!

DAWN: Cor, he sounds like a keeper! I know what you mean about never being able to guess the size. I like a man with a big one, though. I’d rather just have one good shag from a bloke with a big lash than ten shags with an average one. It’s quality and quantity with me, and size matters!

----------

ABBY: I have to admit, I like an average size one as you can have more sex. And you can do it up the bum if you fancy it!

JANE: Oh no, I like a big one. I think anything less than seven inches isn’t worth bothering with. I like to do it once and then fall asleep.

ABBY: No, that’s rubbish; I like to do it all night! So as long as it’s nice and clean and has a bit of girth I’m happy. It’s all about the width! I think I’m quite small ‘down there.’

JANE: How can you be after all the men you’ve boned?

ABBY: Believe me, I am! I’ve been told!

This is the link, and on that 1st page, of the 8 girls asked, 8 thought size very important (2 didnt bring up the topic).

http://www.sundaysport.com/?cat=24

--------

If you hunt long enough on the survey you will eventually find the odd girl who doesnt think its that important, but they are pretty rare and they always provide caveats- (like the last one I quoted-from a different survey on the same site)

So you cant blame guys for their fear and cynacism.... all we can do is offer some light and give them strength... berating them wont change anything.

[Perseverance]

My last GF didn't care and neither does this one. Two in a row. If they were so rare why does this not seem so hard for me?

[Jessie]

...and my 5 GFs (4 long+1 fling) all thought size did matter.... 5 in a row...

And every 'live' women I have have heard discuss it thinks size counts... I dunno... 80 in a row?.... Not 80 events but 80 people in total- best guesstimate

you cannot extrapolate from 2 peoples experiences. So you use surveys and data as best you can.

But its a complex issue with lots of side issues.

I think women who 'don't care' are indeed the minority- but not such a small minority that its impossible for me to find one.

and not such a minority that a guy (like yourself) might find '2 in a row'

thus yours is a hopeful story for me and others

[Girlfriend-here]

Goodluck Suzi! You sound like me 5 months ago.. I was floored this issue existed. Never new.

[Perseverance]

Goodluck Suzi! You sound like me 5 months ago.. I was floored this issue existed. Never new.

Yea and to the point where men feel worthless enough to want to kill themselves. And they say women take being called fat hard ppffffttt

[Wastedlife]

Goodluck Suzi! You sound like me 5 months ago.. I was floored this issue existed. Never new.

Cause most man with small penises hide and don't get into relationships, and will not talk to anyone or admit they have small penis. So there is really no way to know unless you meet one of those man. Plus you should expect they would hide and not talk about with the constant punch line that is small penis in media and real life...if you got small penis its basically like being a leper. Yeah I know few people will come here and try to tell you its ok and pat you on the back, but it changes nothing in every day life.

[Victimorthecrime]

@ Jesse - in my humble opinion articles like the one above are really just pornography in disguise. There are guys that get off on that kind of thing.

@ Wasted - yes size matters but if a girl likes you for a real relationship there are ways for her to be satisfied sexually by techniques & toys.

What ever happened to Love being about pleasing the other person when did we all become such pigs?