rex Posted December 28, 2012 Report Share Posted December 28, 2012 I am 21 years old male !! I mastruburate !! and i told this to one of my group of friends !! now they were making fun of me but i was like ok and was not taking it seriously !! i dont know what happened but few months back this started hitting me !! i started feeling guilty !! i am fearing that what will happen if this news spreads !! and it really feels very bad people calling you despo !! i cant remove this from my mind !! although i told some of them personally and they said ok they wont !! i dont know i am feeling ackward !! please help !! i cant concentrate !! i am good in studies !! but this is acting as hurdle in everything !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted December 28, 2012 Report Share Posted December 28, 2012 Hello, Rex, welcome!It's true that gossip can sometimes be very unpleasant or even hard to sustain. However, this type of "gossip", although it is related to something so intimate, doesn't seem so "serious" to me. I realize that it depends a lot on the community/environment you live in - mostly on the attitude toward this among your friends. I don't know them/the "community (/society)" you live in - but I guess it's probable that they only took advantage of the fact that you revealed a secret to make fun of you, but that they don't really consider the secret itself as so very funny or abashing and it's even possible that some of them have the same secret, they just didn't tell you. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralph Posted December 29, 2012 Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 Nearly everybody masturbates. It hurts no one, so why feel guilty? Now, talking about it takes some discretion. Chances are good that if you don't bring this up again in the same company then people will eventually forget about it. If they make fun of you don't let it bother you and they will eventually lose interest although it will seem like a long time before they give up. If they are truly your friends they will tease you (normal behavior for guys), but not bully you about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted December 29, 2012 Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 Hello, Rex, and welcome to the community.I'm sorry this is causing you such distress. Sometimes distressful thoughts can become intrusive. Have you ever tried any relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing, when you are feeling anxious? I can relate to the exposed feeling self-revelation can bring when it seems that others are not being accepting of you. It's difficult to open up about something personal and then be treated this way. I hope you will take care of your needs now and be gentle with yourself. Feel free to express yourself more if it is helpful. We're here to support you, Rex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted December 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2012 i am very thankful to you all for your valuable replies !! i have always this fear in mind that what will happen if this news spreads !! and i am depressed because my satus will be down and every time there will be a gossip about this topic i wud be remembered !! maybe i will always be remebered due to this !! please suggest what can i do to solve this !! i feel very bad !! please !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted December 30, 2012 Report Share Posted December 30, 2012 It sounds like you are looping on this fear, cycling round and round so that it becomes an obsession... The mind can be difficult to navigate when something like this gets going and a person doesn't know how to interrupt it. Can you distract yourself with healthy activities? Can you accept that you cannot control other people's notions about you? Does it help to realize that they are human too and have struggles? You were the one who was honest with yours. Now is the time to stand by you, being ok that you are human, and not take their opinions and teasing too seriously... Can you do that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted December 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 but i am tensed about my status !! what people will think about me !! And hv i done anything wrong wit my family ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted December 31, 2012 Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 Here's the thing about "status": it's fictional; people make it up, especially when we're young (because there's nothing objective for people to tie their identities to yet, because they haven't had time to make their mark in the world.) That means that it doesn't much matter what precise feature of a person they pick on; that feature is just a means that allows them to pick on someone, particularly to make sure that someone other than them is the one who gets picked on. In other words, stick to people whose opinions mean something to you ...As more than one of us has said, it's likely that every person who hears this gossip knows that they masturbate too. So, the only way you're different from anyone else is that you said it out loud. So, what's the worst thing that could mean about you as a person, that you trust your friends?Can I ask you about something else, the double exclamation points after each sentence? Is that something you're genuinely feeling, as if you were yelling each sentence, or is it just something you use, for style perhaps? It definitely has the effect of distracting readers from what you're most distressed about, unless you're distressed about everything, in which case that might be a more general problem than this specific situation .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted December 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 but what if this news spreads . And i must mention that i told about this to one of my friend in school and he spread it to everybody and then one of my school friend got admission in college with me and he spread this in college . so what if this further spreads it should not . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted January 1, 2013 Report Share Posted January 1, 2013 But rex, what "news"? The fact that anyone masturbates qualifies more as "duh" material than news.I agree that there's no reason this "should" spread, but we can't prevent what people talk about. But it's okay to ignore the stupid stuff people talk about (which may well be most of it ...) If someone taunts you about masturbating, it might work simply to say, "Yeah, and don't try to tell me you don't do it too," and leave it at that.I'm not sure this is really about the news itself. Looked at objectively, the reality of that isn't that bad; it's like someone accusing you of picking your nose. But the way you're spending all your time worrying about it is just making it a bigger and bigger problem for you. That sort of worrying shades over into obsessive behavior. Have you had other persistent worries like this in your life? It might be valuable to talk to a doctor, not about the specifics of this situation, but about how intensely you worry. It's possible they might be able to help you to relax a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted January 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2013 malign sir - have i done anything wrong with my family by telling my friends about this ? I want you to motivate me more so that i can stop thinking about this . I need to study . I will be very grateful to you . Please . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted January 1, 2013 Report Share Posted January 1, 2013 Hi rex, here is some information about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder on the MentalHelp site. Just wondering if any of this information is helpful for you? There is lots of information on this site about mental health if you look around.Hope you feel better soon!http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?cn=6 rex 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Rex, it's not a question of "motivation" to stop thinking. You're not "doing it wrong"; obsession is not a "failure" of the person who feels it.There is no way to work harder to stop thinking. Every time you think about not thinking about something, you've just thought about it.Distraction, ignoring the thoughts whenever they come to you and doing something else, can be helpful, but the underlying cause for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) appears to be biochemical. Your best option is to go to a doctor and tell them how much you worry (you don't have to tell them what you worry about.) There should be something they can do to help you.I don't personally think you've done your family any harm, but in the long run, is my opinion going to matter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 still i want you to answer about my family question as i cant use my brain now in correct manner . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Rex, your answer is the one that matters, don't you think?Are you able to do anything that distracts you from these intrusive thoughts? You are not your thoughts.I hope you feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 I don't personally think you've done your family any harm, but in the long run, is my opinion going to matter?I did actually try to give my answer to your question. The problem is that even a little while spent obsessing on what I said will find you all sorts of loopholes, and you'll have to ask again, and so on. I'm not going to be able to give you some reason to put your mind at ease, because your mind will continue to be uneasy due to the obsessive thought, no matter what reason I give you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 how to distract these thoughts .I need this urgent . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Being in nature can help... are you able to go for a walk? Go bird watching? Visit a green house and look at the plants?Another technique is to sit and observe your breathing as it goes in and out... take note of what is happening, how deep or shallow you are breathing.Next, count steadily as you breathe in then as you breathe out... can you lengthen your in and out breath? can you make it to a count of 8? Anything would be a start.If you can, breathe deeply so that your stomach moves and not your shoulders...Watching a funny movie may help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I have exams after 15 days . can you suggest how to concentrate efficiently ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 Are you aware of what helps you to clear your mind, Rex? I agree with finding about being out in nature. I also find it very soothing. As to studying, I study and concentrate best when I'm well-rested, comfortable, and in a very quiet space with little disturbance. What has worked best for you in the past? I wish you well on your exams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralph Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 I've had a hard time learning to concentrate but the way I got better was through practice, namely meditation. If you practice concentrating on the breath for short periods of time, then longer periods when ready, chances are your concentration on studies will also improve. This takes some time to see results though. You need to be patient when working with the mind. At least that is what worked for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 I again have feeling that i am exposed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 That is an uncomfortable feeling. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, rex. Maybe it helps to know that all of us are human and we all feel vulnerable at times. Did something else happen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rex Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 nothing else has happened but i am feeling that i am exposed . Please tell me what i can do . I feel that i have done wrong with my family .I wish to cry. Somebody help please . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Can you comfort yourself, rex? Try talking to yourself gently and with compassion, if you can. You haven't done anything wrong. It's okay to cry if you're feeling sad. Have you tried distracting yourself from these intrusive thoughts? Have you considered getting professional help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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