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New member. Same problem.

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First and foremost ... I am 34 with a penis of about 3 inches erected.

Today is a special day. Not just because I write my first post here, but also because today I attended my first AA meeting and admitted that I have a drinking problem.

When I was 4 years old, I had surgery and was circumcised because my foreskin was too tight, which had caused severe urinary tract infection. I do not know if it happened to be at an age when children are particularly susceptible to genital surgery, or if I am just a hypersensitive person, but ever since that day I have had the immense complexity and anxiety of my penis.

I come from a country in Europe where circumcision out boys are very rare, which of course made me feel different and weird. The numerous hospital visits before the surgery, when different doctors examined me and my foreskin, one of my earliest childhood memories. It was founded my self-image. I was someone with a medical problem between legs.

I could never show myself naked in front of others. Never been able to take a shower after gym or other sports without doing my utmost not to be seen. Or discovery. At first I hid my penis with my hands. Later I started to lock me in the bathroom and wait until everyone else showered clear. When it became quiet and I realized that everyone left the locker room I ventured out to take a shower. It was obviously very distressing, I realized that everyone noticed and talked about it, but the alternative was worse. I was absolutely sure I would be teased and laughed at if I showed me naked.

My complex was long on one thing: that I, unlike all the other boys were circumcised. That was the reason I felt bad and I cried myself to sleep every night. But one little teasing comment from a girl in the class changed it when I was 12 years old.

Before all the classmates she asked if I had started to grow down there or if I still had a small dick. I had never thought about the size, but in a moment it was there, and since then the size has been the root of all misery in my life.

Today I am 34 years old. I recently separated from my girlfriend since 4 years. A wonderful, happy and good-hearted girl.

My relationship broke down because I feel so incredibly bad and things tend to rub off on people in your vicinity. I am simply a gloomy bastard with bad energy and a constant storm clouds hanging over me.

I wish I listened to her and followed her advice. She encouraged me to go to therapy. She said several times that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was not too small, that I was perfect for her. She really tried to cheer me up. She recommended exercise, thought that I would eat medicine and find a hobby. She wanted so much to see me happy. She suffered from seeing me feel bad. But nothing she said could make me look brighter at it or find any sense in following her advice. I knew she was lying. I am defective. I have an unusually small penis. No one can deny that. Neither exercise, a hobby or happy pill can change that.

It was not the size that caused her to leave me, it was my gloomy mood.

I've never managed to conquer the fear and horror I felt as a kid in that locker room and still can not show myself naked in front of male friends. I'm still just as confident that they will laugh, point and tease. It should be added that I have broken with old friends and socializing changed several times in my life. My friends were the last ones I met in high school and I broke gradual contact with and ultimately for 6 years to be entirely without friends.

I just want to be happy!

Sorry for long post and bad spelling. Than you for reading.

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When you mentioned this “gloomy aura” it so reflects my life as well, I lost all my friends and most of my family don’t really care for talking with me. I don’t blame them, I know its my fault that people don’t want to be around me. I tried faking it and “pretending” I can be happy but it never lasts, its a lie. I know anything I do ill never be good enough down below, 30 year old man with 12 year old's penis...nothing can change that humiliation.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm glad for your post, and I'm glad you at least somewhat believe that it was your mood/attitude and not your penis. I hope this realization serves you in the future.

It was so hard for me to tolerate the endless craziness and insecurity, bad moods, etc from my small penis'd ex. I felt on edge all the time. He was constantly testing me. It was exhausting.

I couldn't take his craziness anymore. Our relationship never progressed. It was agonizing.

I would have LOVED to have an active sex life with him, and to share a future with him if he'd only been nicer, more even-tempered, consistent in the relationship. His behavior drove me away, not his penis.

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