Please Help...I Just Can't Do This Anymore. I'm Not Able To Help Myself.

[minderbinder]

Hello All,

This is my first time ever posting to anything like this or looking for help. I'm not sure if I'm even doing it right...but here is a brief outline of the events that led up to this point.

I need some advice. DESPERATELY.

1. I was a partner in a custom home building company prior to the crash. My wife and I built our dream house for our family, bought a goldendoodle...life was good.

2. In 2008 the real estate crash came. My business partner stole a couple hundred thousand dollars out of the business checking account and because I was a minority owner in the business...I wound up having to shell out close to $50K in legal fees for a crime I did not commit.

Long story (extremely short) I've been unemployed for two years. I keep sending out resumes, having wonderful successful interviews...and then getting denied because I didn't pass the background check because of these crimes which my business partner committed and which I was cleared of.

Of course...this is HIGHLY ILLEGAL for a prospective employer to do such a thing...but that is EXACTLY what is happening.

In the meantime, we lost our house, cars, most of our furniture and personal belongings, our reputation, and dignity. Just yesterday I had an interview for yet another $75K-$100K/yr job which went fantastic. The owner of the company told me right there on the spot that I could expect an job offer Monday.

However...I told this to my wife and she broke down crying. She told me that it most assuredly isn't going to happen because they haven't run the background check yet. I told her that maybe they won't because it's just a small family-owned business. In her tears...she tells me she wants a divorce last night and no...it's not a spur of the moment thing. She's been planning it since before the holidays and just didn't have the heart to do it any sooner. And no...she isn't going to change her mind.

So. We are flat broke. I have literally $0 to my name as unemployment just ran out and we've only been making ends meet w/ my wife's small salary and lots of help from her parents. My parents are more than broke...they have no money to give. And wouldn't you know it...I got a call from that employer earlier today asking for my authorization to run their standard background check. I'm am 99%+ sure I will not get the position come Monday morning.

I have nowhere to go...but I must leave. My life is ruins. I have failed at everything which was important to me and have no reasonable expectation that I will ever again be able to be gainfully employed at a halfway decent job. Even goddamn MCDONALDS performs background checks now.

I am paralyzed with fear and hopelessness and don't even have the money to file for a much needed BANKRUPTCY. I'm screwed. And it SHOWS. I've always scoffed at people who talk about their "nervous breakdowns"...but I think I am having one right now.

What the hell do I do??

Do I SERIOUSLY go knock on the doors of our local mental health clinic and just tell them I need help?? Tell them that I know I'm not right and I just don't think I am able pick up my tattered remnants of my life and put them back together myself? Is NOT taking action how those people get to the point where they are walking around town talking to people who aren't there and having arguments with vending machines?

All kidding aside...I'm beginning to think I NEED someone to just help me sort through this. I've been trying to fill out the stupid student loan deferral form for TWO MONTHS...and I just can't do it. It's a goddamn 10 minute job...I KNOW THAT...but I simply CANNOT get myself to do it. It's like the combination of stress and depression has just completely paralyzed me. The most rudimentary of tasks take me 3X longer than they should and I have the attention span of a fruit fly. Under normal circumstances...I'm HIGHLY intelligent. I'm a card carrying member of Mensa and clocked in w/ an IQ of 147. That being said...I think it took until last night before I TRULY realized that I'm functioning at 2/3 of my normal problem solving capacity. Right now? I think if I were to take one of those tests I would be the first "0" score in history....I just don't know if I would do anything besides stare at that the first question until the time ran out.

I am currently on 20mg per day of generic prozac and 40mg per day of generic adderall...so it wouldn't be totally "out of the blue" I suppose. Both prescriptions I received in 2008 and 2009 when my life started falling apart. Of course...being unemployed most of this all occurred when I was NOT covered by any insurance whatsoever...so even something like a EAP counselor wasn't really possible. However right now we are covered underneath our state's social program insurance. My next task is to contact them and see who I might be able to go see and whatnot.

...but here are my big fears about doing so. Will they:

1. Tell me that money problems and divorces aren't mental illness sorts of issues?

2. Will this somehow prevent me from getting EVEN MORE jobs in the future via background checks? Am I only just making my core and central issues that are driving my mental/emotional distress even WORSE?

3. If I request to actually be institutionalized for a little while until I sort of get a grip again...am I basically sentencing myself to a prison of sorts?? Would I still be allowed to do things like surf the internet and/or watch TV to keep a handle on the outside world? Would I be able to bring my laptop and to start writing a book I've always wanted to?? Do I get to decide when I want to leave again...or once inside for treatment am I at the whim and mercy of a Dr I have not ever met yet?? Or am I just voluntarily electing to eat hospital food and partake in "therapy" sessions that are designed more for people who cannot differentiate fantasy from reality??

In short...WHAT SHOULD I DO????

[minderbinder]

Anyone???

[IrmaJean]

Hello, and welcome.

I sense your distress and I want you to know that I read your post. I'm listening. I'm sorry you have been going through such struggles! My heart goes out to you.

I think it's a good idea to find a professional to talk with. A qualified professional will be supportive and will not judge you or minimize your distressful feelings. I'm not sure where you are writing from, but counselors here in the United States aren't allowed to divulge personal information unless a client is deemed a danger to self or others. Therapy is confidential and what you express stays in the room. I'm not certain about the rules inside a hospital, but there are others here on the site who may be able to help with information about that.

I do wonder if there is anything that can be done legally to help clear your name of wrongdoing. This must be be so very difficult on you. Have attorneys offered any suggestions?

I hope you can be gentle with yourself. You have been through a lot. All of us are vulnerable to struggle during our lives and it's okay to reach out for help. I feel that all of us could benefit from therapy. Do you have any other support there? Friends or family?

I'm sorry you are upset and sad. I wish you healing.

[Silktrack]

Hello Minderbinder,

May the support from this community bring you HOPE!

I'm a newbie here and I am impressed with members' openess in sharing. For me, sometimes after sharing my pressing issues with afriend who really understands and not judged me, I felt so much better. If this friend happened to share with me his/her struggles, then I felt I'm not alone!

I recently learnt about a new model of services - the Recovery Framework. Instead of asking 'what's wrong with you?', the therapist will ask 'What happened to you?" In this model, services also employed 'peers' (people with first hand experience in mental illness) as part of the multi-disciplinry team. I've met a few 'peer mentors' (sometimes called peer counsellors) and I found them very easy to talk to and they have so much insights into how to navigate through the health system. I hope one day I could become a peer mentor for others.

Your situation reminded me when I looked for my 'first job' after an episode of mental illness. I went for a job interview after failing 5 previous ones and this was after 50 + job applicaitons I sent out. The manager said he never offered someone a job on the spot but he was very happy to do this for me. He kept his promise and I started the job the following week. I was lucky that I didn't have to disclose my medical history. It was 2001. Even with continuous health issues, I've been able to hold down a job till recemtly (Dec 2012) due to the poor economic outlook. Well, I'll have to put on a brave face and start looking again!

I hope you will find ways to clear your name, and find people who can give you references of your true ability.

Best wishes for you healing and your new life!

A fellow sufferer

[LaLa]

Hello, minderbinder,

I'm sorry I'm so late here, but I'd like to ask you how are you doing now and if anything has changed in the meantime.

Your situation is alarming and it's hard to imagine your struggles... But as Silktrack "foreshadowed", there's always hope.

I'll try to add some comments to your questions:

Will they:

1. Tell me that money problems and divorces aren't mental illness sorts of issues?

It's true that "money problems and divorces are not mental illness sorts of issues". But the state of your mind caused by these problems is. So don't worry about such a kind of prejudices. Different life circumstances can have different impacts on people. Maybe some can cope with this or worse kind of problems all alone and without falling into depression, but what is important in your case is how you feel and how you can or cannot cope. It's always better to ask for help than to struggle all alone, suffering and loosing hope.

2. Will this somehow prevent me from getting EVEN MORE jobs in the future via background checks? Am I only just making my core and central issues that are driving my mental/emotional distress even WORSE?

It's hard for me to say this for sure, but... I don't think that the background-checking people could have access to this sort of info about you. It would be illegal.

3. If I request to actually be institutionalized for a little while until I sort of get a grip again...am I basically sentencing myself to a prison of sorts??

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but... I doubt that you could request to be institutionalized. You can imagine that this would be a simple solution for many people - letting some institution take care of them for free... Institutionalization can be a decision of a professional who considers it to be necessary for you in your situation/mental state. So all you can do is to see a professional and find out if you 'qualify' for being institutionalized. (I think it's probable, but I cannot know how much.)

Would I still be allowed to do things like surf the internet and/or watch TV to keep a handle on the outside world?

This depends on the concrete institution. I know some people in psych. hospitals who communicate with the outside world by internet, but I also heard that there are some psych. hospitals (in the UK) where the internet access isn't allowed.

Would I be able to bring my laptop and to start writing a book I've always wanted to??

I doubt that you wouldn't.

Do I get to decide when I want to leave again...or once inside for treatment am I at the whim and mercy of a Dr I have not ever met yet??

Of course it's a decision of the docs and the patient's will also has a more or less big influence on it - but all depends on the concrete case. As far as I know, you can be held in a hospital against your will only if your life (or life of others) is in danger (/would be in danger if you left). So...

Or am I just voluntarily electing to eat hospital food and partake in "therapy" sessions that are designed more for people who cannot differentiate fantasy from reality??

It seems to me that you have prejudices against people with mental illness... There are different types (or departments) of psych. hospitals - the "worst" cases (delusional, dangerous, ...) are usually not in the same as the "less serious" ones. In any case, a good group therapy can be beneficial for almost everybody and there's not a reason to resent it somehow because of a feeling that "you don't belong among those people".

Anyway; the only way to find out the correct answers is to see a professional and ask...

Regardless of how you decide, I wish you good luck!!!

[analytical]

Another idea is to "get in front of" the background check.

Explain it all to the prospective employer - can you go to the county prosecutor, explain the situaton, and ask him to write you a letter?

I've been depressed. and the lack of energy to fill out the paper work is exactly the sort of thing I struggled with. You can see how easy it is, but you just can't find the energy to actually do it.

I'd repeat the idea of seeing a doctor. They can help. If you need help finding a doctor near you, PM me. I'd like to help, and I'd like to help make it easier for you to get help.

-d