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Brain damage from SI? Need a doc's opinion.


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Hi Community!

I used to come here a lot, when I was still in my abusive relationship. A little over a year ago I left him, and have been very busy getting used to my new life. Mostly it's been SO MUCH BETTER, though there are times I still feel really horrid. I would NEVER go back to him, though...!!

Back when I was on here a lot, trying to deal with my abusive husband and his treatment of me (which you guys SO VERY MUCH HELPED ME WITH, THANK YOU SO MUCH) I never really thought of, or remembered that when we first got together, I was so angry with the mistake I'd made, and how trapped I felt, how I'd ruined my life by choosing an abusive spouse (he didn't start being abusive until our son was born) I used to take the anger out on myself by beating myself in the head.

I'd use my fists, or any hard object that lended itself to the task, I'd hit myself as hard as I could, I wanted to smash my own head in, I hated myself so much for being so. incredibly. stupid! The nice thing about these injuries is that they didn't show. I'd go about with big bruised goose-eggs under my hair. I cut myself once or twice, but mostly I beat myself in the head. Sometimes I'd hit myself in the face, but of course those bruises showed, and I was afraid of inciting his ire (more than I usually did anyway).

Now I'm worried I've injured my brain. Some days I feel so lost and confused and I can't keep things straight. I can't remember things. I can't remember words I want to say. I feel like I have Alzheimer's, but I'm "only" 45. My mother is still living, and at 72 she shows no signs of dementia that I notice (though I see her only once a year or less).

I tried looking up info on head trauma, but most of what is out there seemed to be about really bad brain trauma, TBI, such as is seen in wars and car accidents. Not self-injury.

I haven't done this (SI) in years... about 10! Maybe I just got past the intense shock and anger with myself for ruining my life. I got used to my situation, I guess.

Are there any doctor types out there who have any experience with SI head trauma??? Do you think I should see a doctor and get evaluated? Would they laugh me out of their office? I don't have insurance, so I thought I'd look into this before taking the plunge.


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Hi Jane and welcome back :)

This is so awesome that you decided to leave your abusive husband.

As far as your concern about possible head injury, I would definitely recommend to see a doctor, perhaps a neurologist . It does not sound that you have something serious or that you might have " damaged " your brain, but I think, it would be a good idea to see a specialist.

Good luck :)

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I doubt that anyone would laugh, Jane. It's your head! Of course you'd be worried, no matter how the injury was sustained.

That said, I think it's fairly unlikely that you did yourself lasting damage. It's very easy to misinterpret normal forgetting (which I hear increases earlier than most people think, and doesn't necessarily mean future dementia) as something more serious. That's exactly the reason to get it checked out, so that you don't spend time worrying about something that might not be anything at all.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Jane,

nobody who is a professional would laught about this. Perhaps yu could get a referral from your regular DR. to a neurolgist. Just to be on the safe side, and have a sense of peace. When my ED was so bad, I actually had to have pictures of my brain done, because without even knowing it I was talking and not making any sense. All kinds of things can cause brain damage, so if your extremely concerned follow through with getting checked out. I am nearly your age, and my memory is terrible. I have to write everything down otherwise I'll forget. Everyone is different, but if your really concerned, and have good health care insurance go for it, your probally fine, but if it is worrisome to you then go see a neuro.

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