I'm back, wow things have changed!

[mscat]

OMG, it has been forever since i've been here, glad I placed this on my favorite list, otherwise I may have not been able to have found it . I have seen some old members already, so that is cool you are all still around, and seeing that the community has gown is great.

Last April, my son and I moved to a bigger city in California, i can't believe it has nearly been a year. My son has autism with intelectual delays, and is now 19 years old. I'ved raised him all alone as a single parent since the day he was born, the father could not decide what to do, so I made the choice to cut all ties, because it was not going to work out.

I worked as a preschool teacher for over 20 years, until I backslided into a few serious mental health problems. I filed foe SSDI several years ago, was approved, and my son also has ssi with being a adult child dependent. I moved to Hanford CA so my son can have more oportunity as he becomes a little older for vocational rehab services and learn to work. Plus my biological younger brother relied on me too much emotionally, and was abusive, towards my son, that all came out after the move. Even though we are about 50 miles away, it is far enough not to be manipulated by him and his family.

We have been here since April of last year, so far so good. I honestly had a deep hatred living in that very rural town , not much to do, gang infested, with a small % of whites, predominately mexicans who looked down at other races especially if you did not speak spainish, not to mention this is a extremely poverty strckin little town. Babies having babies to where the middle school had to place a infant daycare program. not a racist at all, just being honest.

Still in therapy, with the same therapist who now makes home visits, and on psych meds. But, their has not been self injury in a while, and my focus has always been taking care of my son, and made changes to my weight, nearly losing 100 pounds , and yes I am overweight, trying hard to lose more weight , without going to far under, Since I've been anorexic before with bulimia, I've mostly have done it the right way, but use diet pills , exersice, change of diet. A few acts of purging though.

We still have our yorkie,and shih tzu , with us too. Not as isolated anymore either, their are a couple friends i'll talk to on a daily basis, which is very different from where I was never out of the home. of course their are still demons to fight, such as paranioa, BPD, and even eye problems now. I believe that is why I came back here, needing support, dealing with other issues too, so no, not all is perfect, Never is.

[finding my way]

Mscat!!!!!!!!!!!! What an amazing update!!!

No, nothing is ever perfect, but there is quite a bit to celebrate in what you wrote! You have always been a devoted mother, and I'm so glad to hear you are able to take care of you too. A lot of us struggle with that part.

What is happening with your eyes?

[LaLa]

Hello, MsCat, welcome back! I'm also very glad to see you again and hear your good news . I hope you'll feel comfortable here again.

Good luck!

[ThePetPerson]

MSCAT! So good to see you here!

[malign]

Hi Cathy, welcome back. :-)

I'm glad you're feeling better, in particular that you're talking to people occasionally. I think that makes a huge difference in how a person feels, just being allowed to interact with people without having to feel bad about it. The weight loss is good too, though I hear your concerns about not letting it get out of hand. There is a middle ground though, and you might feel better if you can get yourself to a healthy weight.

And ... we're listening.

[mscat]

Thank you guys for your responses and positive feedback. I do not know if i actually said why we moved to a bigger centerally located city, it was for my autistic, intelectually delayed adult son. He is currently in a independant living program, through school, in CA severely disabled kids stay in school until age 22, he will be 21 in August, geez how time flies by! Their are no programs in the town we moved from or transportation, their are 3 in our new city.

Throuhout the yrs as a single parent most of my real big choices has based upon my son. The father has not ever been the picture. But, of course seen my son as a infant, but I did not want a man to pick and choose to be with us, so he chose ot to.

The weight loss at first fell offf rather quickly, now it has slowed down. I am not happy to say I have returned to bulima:( mostly if I feel have eaten something taboo, or bad for me, I quickly know how and it is still too easy for me to fall back into this. In my lATE TEENS AND mid 20's the ED was exlposivemeaning totally out of control, and falling into anorexia badly at my worst my weight was 75 pounds, but I did go into a ed treatment program, but my body fat was 3%. I was made to be in a wheelchair, because the nurses dr's explained their is fat around your internal organs, and they thought I was going to drop dead. I gained about 25 pounds in treatment, but after I was out I dropped weight again, falling to 87pounds. I am way above that weight, an still fat, still have a long way to go, but it is a little disconcerning the bulimia is coming back. Of course I am more the 20 yrs older, and have had hypothroidism for years now. Problam is, although I have not had any backslides into self injury for at least a year now, Bulimia could be seen as self destructive behavior. I just do not want it to take over my life again, I already have lost 4 of my front teeth and a side tooth from all the stomach acid , due to the bulima yrs ago, and have fake teeth, so No, I am not running around toothless. LOL.

I still see the same therapist and psych. dr. But now my therapist sees me at home. Every Tues. I guess it is confession time, because I also engage in petty theft again. Mostly stealing diet aids, so not all is perfectly sunny. I wish these bad old habits had disappeared, a long time ago, but they have a way of coming back yrs later, at the same intensity, if not stronger. I have more tattoos, one in honor of my son , actually two. one says cure autism now, my sons name and the yr he was born on my right forearm ,and I have a autism ribbon, with the correct colors inside with puzzle pieces. so it is really nice.

Also, I am still on SSDI and my son too he is on both SSI/ and recieves money as a adult child disabilty.

We still have our little service dogs , which provides comfort and some stability. So basiclly thats it. Pretty much all by myself most of the time, with my two dogs. And son who comes home in the afternoon. I have also had money problems for this month, which absolutely sucks.

the 2 friends of mine are going through some rough times, one may be pregnant again, who already has 3 small boys, at the age of 24, no help fromm the father, and anther friend knows she is is a alchalic/drinks too much and that is our apt. manager. it is good to finally be back here, I have a new computor, the last one crashed, and never turned on again, but this one is awesome.

[Lana73]

Hi Mscat,

Just wanted to say that I admire your devotion to your son. I am a single parent too and it is tough.

Having a child with special needs probably makes it so much harder.

Sending warm hugs your way.