Looking for help, I don't know how to get it.

[Misshannahmaggie]

I need some outside help on this. So I found this website and decided to post here. My name is Hannah and I am 17 years old. I suffer from extreme anxiety, social phobia and IBS. I have been prescribed Lexapro and have been taking it since September 2012. I upped my dosage to 20mg in December of 2012. As far as anxiety and social fear goes. I feel better than I felt at my lowest. But not a ton better. I'm not crying every morning before school though so that's a plus. I've also been extremely depressed though. I believe it may somewhat be caused by the medication. But I also believe its just me. For the first time in my life I've been having suicidal and self harm thoughts almost everyday for over a month. I've been depressed, unable to bring my self to do anything. My grades are slipping fast, but they have been for a few years because in just not motivated anymore. I hate that I'm this way. I've even gone as far as to cut my wrists a few times and it did make me feel better. Even though I know thats not the answer. I also have been getting extremely annoyed and angry for no or little reason. Which I've never done. I've never been moody or angry much. Not like this. I get angry for hours and shut my self away. Ugh. I don't know what's happening.  

I keep telling my mom I want to go talk to someone. Like a therapist. Our doctor told her I should months ago but she never followed through. Now, whenever I ask, she says that I'm fine and don't need it and ignores it. My mother suffers from bad depression and always tells me I don't know what anxiety or depression is and that I don't have it nearly as bad as she did. And not to sound like a teenager who thinks their mom doesn't  understand or anything, but my moms not in my head. She doesn't think how I do. On the outside, I hide it well. Here's a recap of a discussion I had with my mom earlier tonight (my mom previously told me to remind her about seeing someone),

"mom. Do you need me to keep reminding you to find a therapist?"

"yeah. Have you been like extremely sad lately?"

"mom. I already have told you that I have been"

"you've just seemed really good lately Hannah. You seem more than fine"

"well mom. Sometimes my emotions on the inside are different then those on the outside"

"whatever Hannah"

 None of my friends suspect a thing except for the one I open up to, and she can sometimes see through the happiness and loud exterior I try to our forth to my friends. My question is, how do I get help? Do I need help? How do I help my mon understand? Should I see a therapist? I'm not serious enough for a mental hospital I assume. Even though sometimes I wish I could be in one, to get away from life and get better. Sigh. Any help is appreciated. Thanks for reading. 

Hannah. 

Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors. I typed this up on my phone.

[LaLa]

Hello, Hannah, welcome .

I'm sorry you're struggling with all this . It seems to me you really need professional help, no matter what your mom says. How sad that she's so blinded with her prejudices and doesn't want to spare you from the suffering she knows so well herself...

My mother suffers from bad depression and always tells me I don't know what anxiety or depression is and that I don't have it nearly as bad as she did.

It seems like if she's never heard about prophylaxis. Even if you didn't "have it as bad as she did", there wouldn't be a reason to refuse a treatment for you, as this way, it's like if she wanted to wait until you'll be suffering "enough" - maybe you may make the last attempt to convince her by mentioning this. The sooner a mental issue is begun to be treated, the better it is for the patient!! Another possible argument: Have you shown her your scars? She doesn't consider even self-harm as a "too serious" symptom of needing help?? (You might also ask her how badly she thinks you need to cut yourself so that it would be "enough" in her eyes. I know this is a hash approach, but... maybe as the last try, it might be applied...)

I'm sorry I'm not familiar with the exact way how to get help for yourself when you're under 18, but I know it's possible. (For instance, one member here, now also 17 y.o., living in England, has been in treatment (medical and psychotherapeutic) even without the consent of her parents - just because she really needs it and the circumstances didn't allow to obtain such a consent.) Maybe you could consult your doctor, who prescribed the anxiolytics to you and who said you'd need therapy. Maybe you could just find some contacts to some therapists (who treat teens - as not every therapist treats patients of every age...), call them and ask... You're not a kid anymore , I suppose it shouldn't be a problem to go there without a parent.

There's also another (probably easier) way; your school surely has a school counselor who should be able to give you the info you need and probably also to help you to find a therapist.

Please, do know that asking for help is a good thing to do and a good treatment is worth the "trouble" associated with finding a way to get it (alone or accompanied by your mom).

Good luck!!

P.S.: Sorry for my English; it's not my 1st (or 2nd) language .

[analytical]

I've been depressed in my life. It is a bad thing, and there seems like there is no hope.

school counselors are a good idea. Church ministers can be good. perhaps a good, friendly lady teacher might be able to listen to you.

when you are this depressed it is really hard to find the energy to look for help. i've been there.

but if you can figure out a way to get help, it will get better. perhaps see the doctor who gave you the prescription?

it can get better. It got better for me, but it took time and some outside help.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, Hannah, and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry that you are feeling down and that your mother isn't being supportive. :-( I agree that it's an excellent idea to reach out for help as soon as you feel you need to. You seem very aware of yourself and this is a great place to begin making positive change.You mentioned being on medication and wondering if this might possibly play some role in your current feelings of distress. From what I understand, finding the right medication and best dosage often requires some trial and error. Are you able to go back to the doctor who prescribed the medication and tell him/her what has been happening? Possibly an adjustment needs to be made?

I read the exchange you wrote here between you and your mom. Does she always respond like this or is it possible she was distracted or having a bad day? Can you bring it up again with her at a different time? I hope she is more supportive and listens to your needs, Hannah. Your feelings and concerns are very important and it is good that you are speaking up about them. Are there any other adults you can confide in, such (as was suggested) a school counselor?

I hope you are able to see a therapist soon. Take care.

[godisgood]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand what it's like to not have parents understand what you are going through, but you are in control of your own recovery. Find someone to talk to on your own. Hope this helps! Sending you lots of love and healing.