My brother just committed suicide and I'm afraid I'm next.

[KooBooo]

Depression runs in the family.

My brother committed suicide unexpectedly. He had everything, a great wife, family, job of 20 years. He was a christian man. He loved his life and God. He quit taking his antidepressants because he said he didn't need them. I don't understand... he had everything... I'd do anything to bring him back and let it be me.

As for me, I struggle with depression, anxiety and phobias 'I get very nervous talking to people', and low self esteem. I've attempted suicide one time in the past but failed. I've been on antidepressants for years. I've been to therapy. I quit going because I didn't have the money to go. I've tried getting low income help but since I have insurance I get no help. I don't have a well paying job and I struggle with bills. Years ago I left my marriage because I thought I didn't love my spouse. I've learned that it's me I didn't/don't love. I regret it now because I miss my family. At times I feel I'm alone and have nothing.

I hide my feeling because I don't want to be a burden. I'm scared of my future, I'm scared of being alone for rest of my life. Some nights I just want to go sleep and hope I don't wake.

[IrmaJean]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, KooBooo. This must be so very difficult and painful for you. It's good that you are reaching out and expressing yourself. Are there other family members nearby to lean on now? I hope you can be very gentle with yourself. Feel free to keep talking here, if it helps. We're here to support you.

[KooBooo]

Thanks IrmaJean